Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

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havoc

29,929 posts

234 months

Tuesday 25th September 2018
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underwhelmist said:
A Radio 4 announcer said that Albert Speer had spent 20 years in Spandau Ballet.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/...
Did he replace Tony Hadley?

GloverMart

11,773 posts

214 months

Tuesday 25th September 2018
quotequote all
havoc said:
underwhelmist said:
A Radio 4 announcer said that Albert Speer had spent 20 years in Spandau Ballet.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/...
Did he replace Tony Hadley?
Yes, that's true!

glenrobbo

35,083 posts

149 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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Nazi Gold?

Edited by glenrobbo on Wednesday 26th September 01:00

Halmyre

11,148 posts

138 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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underwhelmist said:
john2443 said:
silverfoxcc said:
I saw it on the ISIHAC Appreciation society facebook page,on thethere is a thread on there about commentaor/announcer bloopers, that has some gems
A couple more
In about 1970, Radio 4 news reader said that in N Ireland a man was shot in the Bogside.
A Radio 4 announcer said that Albert Speer had spent 20 years in Spandau Ballet.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/...
Blimey, talk about cruel and unusual punishment.

Ultra Sound Guy

28,616 posts

193 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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I was offered sex with a hot 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower.

Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon or vanilla.

cobra kid

4,908 posts

239 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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48k said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
How does someone from Essex use their computer keyboard to contact their local authority?

They press the Cancel button...
What cancel button?
Miwwaww!

Monkeylegend

26,227 posts

230 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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The makers of viagra have announced a new product for ladies and couples who enjoy the pleasures of golden rain during love making, it's called Viagra Falls.

paua

5,649 posts

142 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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Monkeylegend said:
The makers of viagra have announced a new product for ladies and couples who enjoy the pleasures of golden rain during love making, it's called Viagra Falls.
Works best when your name is Donald & you're visiting your mate, Wladimir in Moscow

Edited by paua on Wednesday 26th September 09:56

PixelpeepS3

8,600 posts

141 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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I don't know what all the fuss is about, i think it's great Gemma Collins is trying to swim the Thames. Apparently she's made it to Gravesend now.

I

phazed

21,844 posts

203 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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Laurel Green

30,770 posts

231 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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hehe

Never you mind

1,507 posts

111 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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phazed said:
biggrin

Never you mind

1,507 posts

111 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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Poor old RD2D but he is not alone in ruining his career with drugs smile




james-witton

1,363 posts

106 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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I've heard the next 'old skool' tv personaity to be named and shamed is Morph.

Apparantly he was a playdophile.

phazed

21,844 posts

203 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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james-witton

1,363 posts

106 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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phazed said:
It really happened.. but much worse.

https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/chinese-s...

LoonyTunes

3,362 posts

74 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her penny, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

nonsequitur

20,083 posts

115 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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LoonyTunes said:
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her penny, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
rofl

Hugo a Gogo

23,378 posts

232 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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it was a girl in bathtub with her toe stuck in the tap, a bowler hat and "I can do F. all for Acker Bilk!" when I first heard that


Vipers

32,799 posts

227 months

Wednesday 26th September 2018
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Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Jack's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up.

"Wow, Jack, how long have you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?"

I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a sexy nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.

Well, she's been reading ‘50 Shades of Grey’.... and on the bed she had handcuffs, various lengths of rope, a blindfold and a variety of toys. She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So--- Here I am....
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