Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
underwhelmist said:
A Radio 4 announcer said that Albert Speer had spent 20 years in Spandau Ballet.
https://www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/...
Did he replace Tony Hadley?https://www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/...
havoc said:
underwhelmist said:
A Radio 4 announcer said that Albert Speer had spent 20 years in Spandau Ballet.
https://www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/...
Did he replace Tony Hadley?https://www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/...
underwhelmist said:
john2443 said:
silverfoxcc said:
I saw it on the ISIHAC Appreciation society facebook page,on thethere is a thread on there about commentaor/announcer bloopers, that has some gems
A couple more
In about 1970, Radio 4 news reader said that in N Ireland a man was shot in the Bogside.A couple more
https://www.theguardian.com/media/mediamonkeyblog/...
I was offered sex with a hot 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower.
Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon or vanilla.
Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon or vanilla.
Monkeylegend said:
The makers of viagra have announced a new product for ladies and couples who enjoy the pleasures of golden rain during love making, it's called Viagra Falls.
Works best when your name is Donald & you're visiting your mate, Wladimir in MoscowEdited by paua on Wednesday 26th September 09:56
phazed said:
It really happened.. but much worse.https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/chinese-s...
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her penny, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her penny, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
LoonyTunes said:
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her penny, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her penny, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Jack's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up.
"Wow, Jack, how long have you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?"
I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a sexy nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
Well, she's been reading ‘50 Shades of Grey’.... and on the bed she had handcuffs, various lengths of rope, a blindfold and a variety of toys. She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So--- Here I am....
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