Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

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Vipers

32,796 posts

227 months

Tuesday 15th January 2019
quotequote all
Turn7 said:
Vipers said:
The difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman.

One is a super hero, the other is a simple instruction.
Nicked that !
Remember the one about the OH got me an I-pad for Crimbo so I got her an I-ron. biggrin

Kenty

5,029 posts

174 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
A shy guy goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”.
She responds by yelling, at the top of her voice, “NO! I will not sleep with you!”.
Everyone at the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is extremely embarrassed and slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles and says quietly “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a psychology student and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations”.

To this, the man responds at the top of his voice “WHAT DO YOU MEAN £800?”

Mastiff

2,515 posts

240 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
Heather Mills's pussy


PixelpeepS3

8,600 posts

141 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
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I tried using "beefstew' as my password today but the website said it wasn't stroganoff frown

Vipers

32,796 posts

227 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
Mastiff said:
Heather Mills's pussy

You had four grown men (well as far as we can be, being members of PH), crying with laughter. Good one laugh

Mastiff

2,515 posts

240 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
From you sir, I'll take that as a compliment! thumbup

stuartmmcfc

8,653 posts

191 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
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iwantagta said:
Archeologists have found a new tomb in Egypt.
Upon opening the sarcophagus they found traces of nuts and chocolate on the mummy.
They think they may have found the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.
One of my recent favourites.

Vipers

32,796 posts

227 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
"Nurse, when I give blood, I don't extract it my self, a nurse does it for me"

"Sir I understand but this a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way"

paua

5,648 posts

142 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
Vipers said:
"Nurse, when I give blood, I don't extract it my self, a nurse does it for me"

"Sir I understand but this a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way"
That's why I cancelled my appointment.

rayny

1,142 posts

200 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
Vipers said:
"Nurse, when I give blood, I don't extract it my self, a nurse does it for me"

"Sir I understand but this a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way"
I guess that it only works that way for young and good looking fellas such as myself. smile

havoc

29,923 posts

234 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
Vipers said:
"Nurse, when I give blood, I don't extract it my self, a nurse does it for me"

"Sir I understand but this a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way"
What happens if someone wants to take the piss?

Vipers

32,796 posts

227 months

Thursday 17th January 2019
quotequote all
rayny said:
Vipers said:
"Nurse, when I give blood, I don't extract it my self, a nurse does it for me"

"Sir I understand but this a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way"
I guess that it only works that way for young and good looking fellas such as myself. smile
Join the club biggrin

glenrobbo

35,066 posts

149 months

Friday 18th January 2019
quotequote all
Vipers said:
"Nurse, when I give blood, I don't extract it my self, a nurse does it for me"

"Sir I understand but this a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way"
"Well, I'd still like to make a deposit.
Is there any penalty for late withdrawal?"

StevieBee

12,793 posts

254 months

Friday 18th January 2019
quotequote all
In a rare moment of romantic inclination, I suggested to my wife last night that whoever woke first in the morning should wake the other tenderly with oral sex.

This morning, I work first and looked lovingly at my still-sleeping wife as I lent over and shoved my cock in her mouth.

Sticks.

8,706 posts

250 months

Friday 18th January 2019
quotequote all
At the sperm bank the other day the nurse said 'can you wk in the cup?'.

I said 'I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm competition standard'.






The Dangerous Elk

4,642 posts

76 months

Friday 18th January 2019
quotequote all
StevieBee said:
In a rare moment of romantic inclination, I suggested to my wife last night that whoever woke first in the morning should wake the other tenderly with oral sex.

This morning, I work first and looked lovingly at my still-sleeping wife as I lent over and shoved my cock in her mouth.
Classy joke.

Roofless Toothless

5,610 posts

131 months

Friday 18th January 2019
quotequote all
The Dangerous Elk said:
StevieBee said:
In a rare moment of romantic inclination, I suggested to my wife last night that whoever woke first in the morning should wake the other tenderly with oral sex.

This morning, I work first and looked lovingly at my still-sleeping wife as I lent over and shoved my cock in her mouth.
Classy joke.
Keep 'em coming.

The Dangerous Elk

4,642 posts

76 months

Friday 18th January 2019
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boom boom Basil

Geoffrey 321

236 posts

65 months

Friday 18th January 2019
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Vipers said:
"Nurse, when I give blood, I don't extract it my self, a nurse does it for me"

"Sir I understand but this a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way"
Very good laughlaugh

Geoffrey 321

236 posts

65 months

Friday 18th January 2019
quotequote all
Sticks. said:
At the sperm bank the other day the nurse said 'can you wk in the cup?'.

I said 'I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm competition standard'.
Now that was very good laugh

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