Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[glenrobbo]

Monkeylegend said:

Haven't heard that one in a while

No, neither have I...

It's been nearly six hours...

[Monkeylegend]

glenrobbo said:

Monkeylegend said:

Haven't heard that one in a while

No, neither have I...

It's been nearly six hours...

As long as that

[kowalski655]

Since we are on a Lone Ranger roll...

Lone Ranger & Tonto in the desert, & hear a noise. Tonto dismounts & puts his ear to the ground
"Buffalo come" he says
"How can you tell?" says the Lone Ranger"Can you hear their hooves?"
"No" says Tonto, "ground sticky"

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Just had my first pasta making class, went ok apart from a fusilli mistakes !!

[Jonboy_t]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Just had my first pasta making class, went ok apart from a fusilli mistakes !!

Have you any idea of the painful puns you’ve just started? ANY IDEA?!! Dammit man, it’s going to be punmageddon

[EarlOfHazard]

Jonboy_t said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Just had my first pasta making class, went ok apart from a fusilli mistakes !!

Have you any idea of the painful puns you’ve just started? ANY IDEA?!! Dammit man.

Yup, better get a penne to write them all down.

[havoc]

Jonboy_t said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Just had my first pasta making class, went ok apart from a fusilli mistakes !!

Have you any idea of the painful puns you’ve just started? ANY IDEA?!! Dammit man.

He's probably feeling cannelloni right now, punning on his own. And I feel it's my duty to make you both feel gigli, so I'm going to go for the trofie for most puns in one post...

[Laurel Green]

Lone Ranger & Tonto are in fort under attack by Apache.

Tonto puts ear to ground and says "fifty braves on horseback and two hundred on foot are coming"

Fort commander says "blimey, you can tell all that from listen to the ground"

Tonto replies "no, can see under fort gate".

[B'stard Child]

MartG said:

I bumped into my mate in town and asked: "Why are you looking so happy?"
"The wife has had one of those procedures done at the hospital today that puts a smile on most men's faces" he replied.
"Ah" I said "Breast enlargement ?"
"No" he said "Post mortem!!..

Brilliant

[kowalski655]

[Pericoloso]

havoc said:

Jonboy_t said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Just had my first pasta making class, went ok apart from a fusilli mistakes !!

Have you any idea of the painful puns you’ve just started? ANY IDEA?!! Dammit man.

He's probably feeling cannelloni right now, punning on his own. And I feel it's my duty to make you both feel gigli, so I'm going to go for the trofie for most puns in one post...

Don't want to be Pici but that's an epic Farfalle.

[HOGEPH]

Since there is a Lone Ranger theme....

Definition of an intellectual.

Someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger...

[StevieBee]

One of their finest pieces of work I think.

[thehammer]

I went to an Italian restaurant the other day, there was a fat lady in the doorway.

I couldn't get pasta.

[Doofus]

thehammer said:

I went to an Italian restaurant the other day, there was a fat lady in the doorway.

I couldn't get pasta.

You could have clambered over the radiatori

[glenrobbo]

thehammer said:

I went to an Italian restaurant the other day, there was a fat lady in the doorway.

I couldn't get pasta.

That would be Lynn Guini.

[Ari]

Russian Troll Bot said:

I was recently attacked by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

I was set upon in the park by four asthmatics who leapt out from behind a bush. It was my own fault, I really should have heard them hiding.

[paua]

glenrobbo said:

thehammer said:

I went to an Italian restaurant the other day, there was a fat lady in the doorway.

I couldn't get pasta.

That would be Lynn Guini.

Offer her cunning lingui stics

[Tony 1234]

glenrobbo said:

Monkeylegend said:

Haven't heard that one in a while

No, neither have I...

It's been nearly six hours...

[EarlOfHazard]

StevieBee said:

One of their finest pieces of work I think.

Hahaha