Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Evangelion]

Go away, you're a thorn in my side.

[mr_spock]

Jesus walks into a hotel, puts three nails on the desk and says "can you put me up for the night?"

[Halmyre]

Evangelion said:

Go away, you're a thorn in my side.

That was Paul the Apostle. Or Annie Lennox.

[V8mate]

nonsequitur said:

Laurel Green said:

andym1603 said:

As we approach Good Friday let us remember when Jesus looked down from his cross, and spoke out those immortal words to his disciples... "None of you tts touch my chocolate, i'll be back in three days!!??

Yep! He was really cross!

Nailed it.

Nice buns, though.

[Trophy Husband]

Skyedriver said:

Trophy Husband said:

Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.

See what you did there...

I thought it was transparently amusing.

[Vipers]

Can you cross your feet, we only have one nail left.

[Trophy Husband]

Vipers said:

Can you cross your feet, we only have one nail left.

Wow! Nailed it!

[glenrobbo]

Trophy Husband said:

Wow! Nailed it!

So we had more nails than we thought we had?

[Monkeylegend]

They should have used tough as nails.

[Laurel Green]

Stop egging them on!

[glenrobbo]

You wouldn't think that nail polish would become so popular...


"I'm just getting my nails done for Easter."

[vixen1700]

I like to brush gold leaf onto the end of my knob.

It's my gilty pleasure.

[paua]

Went to several shops today, in Christchurch trying to buy nail varnish/ polish remover ( teenage daughter) - becoming really difficult to purchase, classified as a dangerous good. Seems to be a spate of teenagers sniffing fecken acetone.

[Doofus]

paua said:

Went to several shops today, in Christchurch trying to buy nail varnish/ polish remover ( teenage daughter) - becoming really difficult to purchase, classified as a dangerous good. Seems to be a spate of teenagers sniffing fecken acetone.

I don't get it.

[silverfoxcc]

A new pie shop has just started business near us

It is open 22/7

[silverfoxcc]

At the local Mental Hospital :
Doctor: - "What is this?"
Mad Man: - "This is a book I wrote. Total 500 pages."
Doctor- "You wrote 500 pages?!... woooooow, What did you write?"
Mad man: "On the first page I wrote One day a King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.
And on the last page I wrote The King reached the Jungle."
Doctor:- "So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?"
Mad Man:- "I wrote;
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdi
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik
tigdik...
Doctor :- (stunned) "AND what's that????!!!!!"
Mad Man:- "That's the sound of the Horse running...The hooves digging the terrain."
Doctor- "AND Who will read your story?"
Mad Man: "I will post it on the PH Sean Connery Joke thread. My mad friends there will definitely read it...they're all fking idiots, in fact one of them is reading it even as we speak!"

[baptistsan]

Vipers said:

I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and st myself.

Like that!

[glenrobbo]

Tgidik!
Hoofy will like that one!

[motco]

silverfoxcc said:

A new pie shop has just started business near us

It is open 22/7

Approximately...

[john2443]

davhill said:

Which famous Indian political activist wore stripey blue pyjamas and a funny hat?

Gandhi Pandy

And when he got in the basket with Looby Loo he was Randy Ghandi Pandy