Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Halmyre said:
I've heard he's quite good at DIY and odd-jobs around the house, so he's handy bandy shandy randy
Gandhi Pandy.
If he also showed up in his Defender, which is fully loaded with electronic gizmos, having come straight back from the beach and dressed snappily as usual, he'd be... Gandhi Pandy.
Tandy Landy sandy dandy handy bandy shandy randy Gandhi Pandy.
Thassit, the cow's dry now.
Edited by davhill on Monday 22 April 14:40
john2443 said:
nonsequitur said:
The people of Ukraine have just elected a comedian as their president. I await with anticipation for his first post here,
They can't claim it as an original idea though can they - the USA did it first.Evangelion said:
john2443 said:
nonsequitur said:
The people of Ukraine have just elected a comedian as their president. I await with anticipation for his first post here,
They can't claim it as an original idea though can they - the USA did it first.Vipers said:
Vaud said:
gadgetmac said:
nonsequitur said:
The people of Ukraine have just elected a comedian as their president. I await with anticipation for his first post here,
He’s a comedian, why would he post here?
Vaud said:
gadgetmac said:
nonsequitur said:
The people of Ukraine have just elected a comedian as their president. I await with anticipation for his first post here,
He’s a comedian, why would he post here?BrassMan said:
A Scotsman wrote songs for Elvis. Remember ''Love me Tender?'' Who else but a Scotsman would write that as a love song ?
Congrats to gadgetmac who nailed it only 4 posts previouslygadgetmac said:
It’s the Sean Connery ‘Joke’ thread...when is the punchline ever not missing?
LoonyTunes said:
BrassMan said:
A Scotsman wrote songs for Elvis. Remember ''Love me Tender?'' Who else but a Scotsman would write that as a love song ?
Congrats to gadgetmac who nailed it only 4 posts previouslygadgetmac said:
It’s the Sean Connery ‘Joke’ thread...when is the punchline ever not missing?
A man is driving his TVR down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My TVR broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reach for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks “May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the key to the last door.”
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reach for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks “May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the key to the last door.”
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
Peanut Gallery said:
A man is driving his TVR down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My TVR broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reach for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks “May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the key to the last door.”
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
Moral of the story, don't buy a bloody TVR.The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reach for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks “May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the key to the last door.”
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
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