Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[shed driver]

My girlfriend seems to think that I am an inconsiderate and selfish lover. So much so that she has bought me a book about foreplay.

Anyway, I've skipped the first 12 chapters, they were boring.

SD.

[Monkeylegend]

Last Visit said:

Eh?

If it had been a bit faster it would have been the week after.

[silverfoxcc]

Saw that Alan Titchmarsh is now a Freeman of London and can herd sheep across London Bridge.

I thought why should he have all the fun so i this morning i did the same The Police stopped me doing it

I wasn't arrested Just baaaaa'd

[Gadgetmac]

Get out. While you still have some dignity.

[Ultra Sound Guy]

silverfoxcc said:

Saw that Alan Titchmarsh is now a Freeman of London and can herd sheep across London Bridge.

I thought why should he have all the fun so i this morning i did the same The Police stopped me doing it

I wasn't arrested Just baaaaa'd

Not sure why you are making fun of it?
My father was made a freeman of the City of London because of his contributions to those who had problems or disabilities! He was severely disabled and, despite many warnings to stop work, carried on till reticent age, helping people who were less fortunate than he was!
So, how is this the subject of ridicule?

[anonymous-user]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Not sure why you are making fun of it?
My father was made a freeman of the City of London because of his contributions to those who had problems or disabilities! He was severely disabled and, despite many warnings to stop work, carried on till reticent age, helping people who were less fortunate than he was!
So, how is this the subject of ridicule?

it was a joke, on the joke thread.

[Doofus]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Not sure why you are making fun of it?
My father was made a freeman of the City of London because of his contributions to those who had problems or disabilities! He was severely disabled and, despite many warnings to stop work, carried on till reticent age, helping people who were less fortunate than he was!
So, how is this the subject of ridicule?

Blimey.

[stuartmmcfc]

My Grandads got the heart of a lion.
He’s now banned from every zoo in the country.

[Hugo a Gogo]

Gadgetmac said:

Get out. While you still have some dignity.

Yeah, get the flock out of here

[Doofus]

stuartmmcfc said:

My Grandads got the heart of a lion.
He’s now banned from every zoo in the country.

Not sure why you are making fun of it?
My grandfather was given the heart of a lion by the Lord Mayor of of London because of his work killing wildebeast in Rhodesia! He was pretty reckless and, despite many warnings to stop work, carried on till reticent (sic.) age, helping lions who were worse at killing wildebeast than he was!
So, how is this the subject of ridicule?

[Bright Halo]

My 50 year old wife has the body of a 20 year old.
I’ve told her to hand herself in to the police.

[andym1603]

Doofus said:

Not sure why you are making fun of it?
My grandfather was given the heart of a lion by the Lord Mayor of of London because of his work killing wildebeast in Rhodesia! He was pretty reckless and, despite many warnings to stop work, carried on till reticent (sic.) age, helping lions who were worse at killing wildebeast than he was!
So, how is this the subject of ridicule?

[Bobberoo99]

andym1603 said:

Doofus said:

Not sure why you are making fun of it?
My grandfather was given the heart of a lion by the Lord Mayor of of London because of his work killing wildebeast in Rhodesia! He was pretty reckless and, despite many warnings to stop work, carried on till reticent (sic.) age, helping lions who were worse at killing wildebeast than he was!
So, how is this the subject of ridicule?

Fantastic retort!!!

[OddCat]

Bobberoo99 said:

andym1603 said:

Doofus said:

Not sure why you are making fun of it?
My grandfather was given the heart of a lion by the Lord Mayor of of London because of his work killing wildebeast in Rhodesia! He was pretty reckless and, despite many warnings to stop work, carried on till reticent (sic.) age, helping lions who were worse at killing wildebeast than he was!
So, how is this the subject of ridicule?

Fantastic retort!!!

Have a couple of these

[Skyedriver]

silverfoxcc said:

Saw that Alan Titchmarsh is now a Freeman of London and can herd sheep across London Bridge.

I thought why should he have all the fun so i this morning i did the same The Police stopped me doing it

I wasn't arrested Just baaaaa'd

Should have tried to pull the wool over their eyes.

[Skyedriver]

Bobberoo99 said:

andym1603 said:

Doofus said:

Not sure why you are making fun of it?
My grandfather was given the heart of a lion by the Lord Mayor of of London because of his work killing wildebeast in Rhodesia! He was pretty reckless and, despite many warnings to stop work, carried on till reticent (sic.) age, helping lions who were worse at killing wildebeast than he was!
So, how is this the subject of ridicule?

Fantastic retort!!!

Have another

[The Li-ion King]

john2443 said:

My wife was arrested for defacing a library book, she Tippexed out all the full stops.

The judge said she should expect a long sentence.

[The Li-ion King]

stuartmmcfc said:

My Grandads got the heart of a lion.
He’s now banned from every zoo in the country.

[K12beano]

Bright Halo said:

My 50 year old wife has the body of a 20 year old.
I’ve told her to hand herself in to the police.

Old proverb: wives and mistresses should never meet. But if they do there’s always a business opportunity for the undertaker.....

[davhill]

I have the body of a 20 year old. I keep it in a freezer in the cellar.