Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
A young man decided it was time he went to sea, and so he went down to port to find a job on a whaling ship. After a few hours of searching he came across a fine vessel and asked the captain for a job. "If you join my crew lad, you'll be a deckhand you know," said the captain. The man thought that that was fine, seeing as he'd never sailed a large ship before and would need some experience. He signed the book and was brought aboard the boat.
"Lad," said the captain, "Me and me mates are going ashore for the night. I want you to clean the anchor chain while we're away. Is that understood?" "Aye Captain!" said the lad. The captain thrust a broom into his hands and left.
The new deckhand got to work mopping up the muddy chain. About halfway through a small bird flew up and landed on the end of his broom. He tried to keep sweeping, but the bird made it impossible. When he swept left the bird flew right, when he swept forward the bird flew backward. Fed up, the lad grabbed the bird by the feet and threw it over the side of the boat. No sooner said than done, the bird was right back atop his broom. Again the man grabbed him and threw him away, and again he flew back to his perch. This went on the entire night, the endless battle between man and bird.
Morning came and the captain came back to his ship to see the deckhand sleeping on the still dirty anchor chain. "What is the meaning of this lad! I thought I told you to get this chain cleaned! This is no way to start a new job boy!" Howled the captain. "I'm sorry sir," pleaded the deckhand. "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link'.
"Lad," said the captain, "Me and me mates are going ashore for the night. I want you to clean the anchor chain while we're away. Is that understood?" "Aye Captain!" said the lad. The captain thrust a broom into his hands and left.
The new deckhand got to work mopping up the muddy chain. About halfway through a small bird flew up and landed on the end of his broom. He tried to keep sweeping, but the bird made it impossible. When he swept left the bird flew right, when he swept forward the bird flew backward. Fed up, the lad grabbed the bird by the feet and threw it over the side of the boat. No sooner said than done, the bird was right back atop his broom. Again the man grabbed him and threw him away, and again he flew back to his perch. This went on the entire night, the endless battle between man and bird.
Morning came and the captain came back to his ship to see the deckhand sleeping on the still dirty anchor chain. "What is the meaning of this lad! I thought I told you to get this chain cleaned! This is no way to start a new job boy!" Howled the captain. "I'm sorry sir," pleaded the deckhand. "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link'.
Possibly offensive, apologies in advance.
Two off-shore workers are having a drink in a bar in Aberdeen.
Andy has worked on the rigs for many years. Billy is a bit of a newbie. He also has a hare lip.
Andy: Wow, look who just walked in! That's Red Adair! He must be in town because of the fire we had last week.
Billy: Thath noth Red Adair.
Andy: I'm telling you - that's Red Adair, a real hero of mine!
Billy: No way ith thatt Red Adair. Heetha hero of mine too, buth thath's not him.
Andy: Don't believe me? Okay, I bet you £500 that is Red Adair.
You go up and ask him. Go on!
Billy walks up to the man at the bar and says:
"Nyoo sthtill darncethin' with Thindgther Rodgthers?"
Two off-shore workers are having a drink in a bar in Aberdeen.
Andy has worked on the rigs for many years. Billy is a bit of a newbie. He also has a hare lip.
Andy: Wow, look who just walked in! That's Red Adair! He must be in town because of the fire we had last week.
Billy: Thath noth Red Adair.
Andy: I'm telling you - that's Red Adair, a real hero of mine!
Billy: No way ith thatt Red Adair. Heetha hero of mine too, buth thath's not him.
Andy: Don't believe me? Okay, I bet you £500 that is Red Adair.
You go up and ask him. Go on!
Billy walks up to the man at the bar and says:
"Nyoo sthtill darncethin' with Thindgther Rodgthers?"
[quote=Possibly offensive, apologies in advance.
Two off-shore workers are having a drink in a bar in Aberdeen.
Andy has worked on the rigs for many years. Billy is a bit of a newbie. He also has a hare lip.
Andy: Wow, look who just walked in! That's Red Adair! He must be in town because of the fire we had last week.
Billy: Thath noth Red Adair.
Andy: I'm telling you - that's Red Adair, a real hero of mine!
Billy: No way ith thatt Red Adair. Heetha hero of mine too, buth thath's not him.
Andy: Don't believe me? Okay, I bet you £500 that is Red Adair.
You go up and ask him. Go on!
Billy walks up to the man at the bar and says:
"Nyoo sthtill darncethin' with Thindgther Rodgthers?"
[/quote]
VG
Two off-shore workers are having a drink in a bar in Aberdeen.
Andy has worked on the rigs for many years. Billy is a bit of a newbie. He also has a hare lip.
Andy: Wow, look who just walked in! That's Red Adair! He must be in town because of the fire we had last week.
Billy: Thath noth Red Adair.
Andy: I'm telling you - that's Red Adair, a real hero of mine!
Billy: No way ith thatt Red Adair. Heetha hero of mine too, buth thath's not him.
Andy: Don't believe me? Okay, I bet you £500 that is Red Adair.
You go up and ask him. Go on!
Billy walks up to the man at the bar and says:
"Nyoo sthtill darncethin' with Thindgther Rodgthers?"
[/quote]
VG
Edited by Paul Khaya on Friday 19th July 21:43
Paul Khaya said:
Johnny Raydome said:
Possibly offensive, apologies in advance.
Two off-shore workers are having a drink in a bar in Aberdeen.
Andy has worked on the rigs for many years. Billy is a bit of a newbie. He also has a hare lip.
Andy: Wow, look who just walked in! That's Red Adair! He must be in town because of the fire we had last week.
Billy: Thath noth Red Adair.
VGTwo off-shore workers are having a drink in a bar in Aberdeen.
Andy has worked on the rigs for many years. Billy is a bit of a newbie. He also has a hare lip.
Andy: Wow, look who just walked in! That's Red Adair! He must be in town because of the fire we had last week.
Billy: Thath noth Red Adair.
SpeckledJim said:
Sorry, I don't get that one. Can I request an explanation in short words and simple concepts please?
Red Adair - expert in capping out of control / on fire oil wellsFred Astaire - dancer / film star
The version I remember was Read Adair walks in to the bar and Billy says 'Are you still dancing with Ginger Rogers'
john2443 said:
SpeckledJim said:
Sorry, I don't get that one. Can I request an explanation in short words and simple concepts please?
Red Adair - expert in capping out of control / on fire oil wellsFred Astaire - dancer / film star
The version I remember was Red Adair walks in to the bar and Billy says 'Are you still dancing with Ginger Rogers'
If you look back a page, you'll see that is the actual punchline used (albeit written in a way that a speech-impeded person might say it. Hence, the up-front apology for potentially causing any offence). No kittens were harmed during this explanation.
Unfortunately, I think the comprehension problem stems from the fact that Paul Khaya only quoted half of my post.
So, yes. I can see why it made no sense
havoc said:
Lily the Pink said:
Sticks. said:
'I see' he replied 'I think you may have taken a tern for the wurst.'
Reminds me of a punchline whose joke I cannot remember ... "It left no tern unstoned". Anyone ?Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff