Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Trophy Husband]

Ructions said:

I asked the girl in the toy store where the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures were.

She replied: “Aisle B, back.”

Teehee!

[Ructions]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Sound lad. He’s a web designer.

[ApOrbital]

pherlopolus said:

Monkeylegend said:

snigger.


Funny you should say that, we are in exactly the same situation, six people, six dogs, and only four chairs.

2 people could sit on dogs

[TheRealNoNeedy]

Ructions said:

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Sound lad. He’s a web designer.

[fatboy18]

Ructions said:

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Sound lad. He’s a web designer.

[The Li-ion King]

bigandclever said:

[V8mate]

Just booked a table for me and the missus on Christmas Day.

It's bound to end in an argument though; she's terrible at snooker.

[Sticks.]

Looking at the laptop the other day the wife asked me what I was looking at.
'I'm just checking out some cheap flights' I replied.
'Ahhh' she said, 'that's what I like about you, you're so romantic with your surprises'.
Funny, I never knew she liked darts so much.

[motco]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

[Laurel Green]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

[anonymous-user]

[Porsche guy]

Mothersruin said:

I nearly got knocked off my bike by a council salt lorry last night.

"You Idiot!", I shouted through gritted teeth.

[Doofus]

JPJPJP said:

Or dictionaries, presumably.

[GloverMart]

I was asked to go out by four girls today.

Turns out I was in the ladies toilets!

[Gadgetmac]

GloverMart said:

I was asked to go out by four girls today.

Turns out I was in the ladies toilets!

I'm nicking that

[Frank7]

Doofus said:

JPJPJP said:

Or dictionaries, presumably.

My first thought was that vehicle had been spelled vehille, but you must have meant narwal, which apparently can be spelt narwhal, or narwhale, but NOT narwal.

[nonsequitur]

Frank7 said:

Doofus said:

JPJPJP said:

Or dictionaries, presumably.

My first thought was that vehicle had been spelled vehille, but you must have meant narwal, which apparently can be spelt narwhal, or narwhale, but NOT narwal.

Well, you've blown a hole through that post.

[davhill]

nonsequitur said:

Well, you've blown a hole through that post.

Nah, it was just a fluke.

Don't start blubbering about whale puns though.

Edited by davhill on Monday 9th December 15:54

[Richie C]

Better stop now before people get the hump.

[V8mate]

Richie C said:

Better stop now before people get the hump.

Now you're just taking the minky.