How Solid Really is Your Marriage
Discussion
FocusRS3 said:
Symptomless Coma said:
She wants me out of the house. Her friends think she’s being a dick.
I broke down at work on Tuesday, that was fun. Been to docs for something to help me sleep.
Oh and her car broke down Wednesday was friendly that day so she borrowed mine for a couple of days, returned it yesterday and at least she spoke to the kids for a few mins. I’m trying to hold normality for the kids. Also the solicitor has said I have grounds for divorce but basically I’m f
ked.
She might turn up today to see the kids, but hasn’t actually said anything.
Ok doesn’t sound like there is any chance of a reconciliation then.I broke down at work on Tuesday, that was fun. Been to docs for something to help me sleep.
Oh and her car broke down Wednesday was friendly that day so she borrowed mine for a couple of days, returned it yesterday and at least she spoke to the kids for a few mins. I’m trying to hold normality for the kids. Also the solicitor has said I have grounds for divorce but basically I’m f
ked.She might turn up today to see the kids, but hasn’t actually said anything.
So is she suggesting you leave the house and she takes full responsibility of the kids again ?
Going to the docs is a smart move . It also (if there is a big court showdown ) shows how’s it’s affected you .
Sorry to hear this , I’d be reluctant to leave the house
Symptonless
you have been played simple as that
You have to fight and fight DIRTY
You have to make her seem the selfish self centred irresponsible piece of crap she is
You know don't you deep down that nagging doubt that if nshe gets the kids she will dump them with whoever she can con at the time whilst she goes off "finding herself" "discovering her inner self" "asserting her identity" and whatever other 100s of made up excusey ste names there are.
She is self absorbed an unfit to have care of the kids.
She is no longer your wife, your partner, the girl she met
She is now the enemy
Sounds harsh but she is not a parent is she ?
you have been played simple as that
You have to fight and fight DIRTY
You have to make her seem the selfish self centred irresponsible piece of crap she is
You know don't you deep down that nagging doubt that if nshe gets the kids she will dump them with whoever she can con at the time whilst she goes off "finding herself" "discovering her inner self" "asserting her identity" and whatever other 100s of made up excusey s
te names there are.She is self absorbed an unfit to have care of the kids.
She is no longer your wife, your partner, the girl she met
She is now the enemy
Sounds harsh but she is not a parent is she ?
Symptomless Coma said:
She wants me out of the house. Her friends think she’s being a dick.
I broke down at work on Tuesday, that was fun. Been to docs for something to help me sleep.
Oh and her car broke down Wednesday was friendly that day so she borrowed mine for a couple of days, returned it yesterday and at least she spoke to the kids for a few mins. I’m trying to hold normality for the kids. Also the solicitor has said I have grounds for divorce but basically I’m fked.
She might turn up today to see the kids, but hasn’t actually said anything.
She's on the outside looking in. She's not caring for the kids. How she can argue she should have the house because she's a caring mother who needs one? (If she tried that angle). Don't leave the house. I broke down at work on Tuesday, that was fun. Been to docs for something to help me sleep.
Oh and her car broke down Wednesday was friendly that day so she borrowed mine for a couple of days, returned it yesterday and at least she spoke to the kids for a few mins. I’m trying to hold normality for the kids. Also the solicitor has said I have grounds for divorce but basically I’m f
ked.She might turn up today to see the kids, but hasn’t actually said anything.
She can then say you walked out. Irresponsible dad etc.
Document everything. Every call, every email. Everything
FocusRS3 said:
Going to the docs is a smart move . It also (if there is a big court showdown ) shows how’s it’s affected you .
Who's going to care? People often say this, document everything, record conversations. But the courts are completely uninterested in apportioning blame or apportioning child care or finances based on who left who or who did or said what to who.I do echo the advice to stay in the house though, this seems to be a very important point. I guess once you're out you've proved that you can provide alternative living arrangements for yourself, leaving it easy to apportion the marital home to the mother (who, it will be assumed whatever the evidence to the contrary, will be the primary carer).
I knew she would not walk away from the house. Her current plan is for you to move out peacefully, still pay for everything and move the new guy in. The thing is, if you stay put she could possibly phone the police claim she is scared of you and get a restraining order.
Unfortunately she currently holds all the cards, when you finally move out expect her to use the children to make you do whatever she wants. As soon as you refuse to give her money or do whatever she wants she will threaten to stop you seeing them.
This is why I would not recommend any man get married. Unless you have enough money to buy another house you are going to end up living at your parents/in a bedsit whilst paying for her to live in the marital house with her new boyfriend.
Unfortunately she will get to live in the house until the children are at uni, you will have to pay for it and you will find it impossible to get another mortgage because you will still be on the mortgage for the marital home.
I have only been lucky enough to buy a house this year because my ex wife found a new guy who had enough money to buy me out.
Unfortunately she currently holds all the cards, when you finally move out expect her to use the children to make you do whatever she wants. As soon as you refuse to give her money or do whatever she wants she will threaten to stop you seeing them.
This is why I would not recommend any man get married. Unless you have enough money to buy another house you are going to end up living at your parents/in a bedsit whilst paying for her to live in the marital house with her new boyfriend.
Unfortunately she will get to live in the house until the children are at uni, you will have to pay for it and you will find it impossible to get another mortgage because you will still be on the mortgage for the marital home.
I have only been lucky enough to buy a house this year because my ex wife found a new guy who had enough money to buy me out.
When did you get divorced?
This keeps cropping up and I've mentioned this before, but I recently helped a friend through a divorce, including going with him to see a family solicitor who was clearly very clued up on the process.
Her advice was that courts are far fairer on the father these days. She suggested he should expect a 50/50 split of the marital home (they had two teenage boys) with a worse case of 60/40. In the end, 50/50 was exactly what he got - and we're certainly not talking about wealthy people where 50% would buy a home outright, although it would fund a deposit each (I think there was about £120K equity to be divided up once all the debts, mortgage etc were settled).
The days of the penniless father and the wife keeping everything appear to be on the wane, thankfully.
This keeps cropping up and I've mentioned this before, but I recently helped a friend through a divorce, including going with him to see a family solicitor who was clearly very clued up on the process.
Her advice was that courts are far fairer on the father these days. She suggested he should expect a 50/50 split of the marital home (they had two teenage boys) with a worse case of 60/40. In the end, 50/50 was exactly what he got - and we're certainly not talking about wealthy people where 50% would buy a home outright, although it would fund a deposit each (I think there was about £120K equity to be divided up once all the debts, mortgage etc were settled).
The days of the penniless father and the wife keeping everything appear to be on the wane, thankfully.
Symptomless Coma said:
Thanks, I’m trying to be careful...
IF I accepted a payoff (bought out of house) could I get her to sign a document that prevents any future claim on my assets? Would it be enforceable/legal?
Has she said exactly why she wants you out of the house ?!IF I accepted a payoff (bought out of house) could I get her to sign a document that prevents any future claim on my assets? Would it be enforceable/legal?
IE what’s the reasons it’s finally over ? Any more mention of the other guy she’s getting attention from ?
Sorry for so many questions , I may have missed previous posts
FocusRS3 said:
Has she said exactly why she wants you out of the house ?!
IE what’s the reasons it’s finally over ? Any more mention of the other guy she’s getting attention from ?
Sorry for so many questions , I may have missed previous posts
Nope, she just told me that she didn’t love me anymore and moved out to ‘get some space and rest’IE what’s the reasons it’s finally over ? Any more mention of the other guy she’s getting attention from ?
Sorry for so many questions , I may have missed previous posts
I can't even imagine what space you are in right now. I do know from friends experiences it's bad then goes good. A good friend of mine, his wife had someone popping round whilst he was out. His father in law walked in one day then told him. He went through a dark space.
His partner now is stunning. Way better than the old wife. Not ten years younger, but a similar age to him, good looking, great figure etc.
Same with when I was facing redundancy after 11years with the same company, I was I shock, fear and thought this is it. It's all done. I'm over. Never work again, friends told me it gets better. I went to an amazing company then had a complete career change to a very demanding yet dream job.
If you'd have told my friend this and me before I'd have told you to fk off and take your sympathy away.
It won't mean much but I hope it shows a light at the end.
His partner now is stunning. Way better than the old wife. Not ten years younger, but a similar age to him, good looking, great figure etc.
Same with when I was facing redundancy after 11years with the same company, I was I shock, fear and thought this is it. It's all done. I'm over. Never work again, friends told me it gets better. I went to an amazing company then had a complete career change to a very demanding yet dream job.
If you'd have told my friend this and me before I'd have told you to f
k off and take your sympathy away. It won't mean much but I hope it shows a light at the end.
Sa Calobra said:
I can't even imagine what space you are in right now. I do know from friends experiences it's bad then goes good. A good friend of mine, his wife had someone popping round whilst he was out. His father in law walked in one day then told him. He went through a dark space.
His partner now is stunning. Way better than the old wife. Not ten years younger, but a similar age to him, good looking, great figure etc.
Same with when I was facing redundancy after 11years with the same company, I was I shock, fear and thought this is it. It's all done. I'm over. Never work again, friends told me it gets better. I went to an amazing company then had a complete career change to a very demanding yet dream job.
If you'd have told my friend this and me before I'd have told you to fk off and take your sympathy away.
It won't mean much but I hope it shows a light at the end.
So what did you do and what do you do now ? His partner now is stunning. Way better than the old wife. Not ten years younger, but a similar age to him, good looking, great figure etc.
Same with when I was facing redundancy after 11years with the same company, I was I shock, fear and thought this is it. It's all done. I'm over. Never work again, friends told me it gets better. I went to an amazing company then had a complete career change to a very demanding yet dream job.
If you'd have told my friend this and me before I'd have told you to f
k off and take your sympathy away. It won't mean much but I hope it shows a light at the end.
Symptomless Coma said:
Nope, she just told me that she didn’t love me anymore and moved out to ‘get some space and rest’
I’d take the advice in here and refuse to move out . That way whatever’s in her mind and whatever is going on will soon become apparent.Once you move out you’ll never be going back and it’s part time dad scenario.
The only issue is if she moves back in and rows start then she calls the police etc but cross that bridge when you get to it .
In the meantime sit tight and try and be strong . I know that’s easier said than done though
I realise I sound negative but it's well intentioned. I doubt there will be a happy ending so it's now pretty much about making sure your children are ok. And also you self.
Be prepared for fibs that put you in a bad light being told to the kids. She already did that with them over Xmas day. You will have to be strong with that type of thing. The kids may ask you questions about why you did etc etc.
Keep in regular contact with the school
Genuine good luck and sorry for being harsh, negative etc but......
Be prepared for fibs that put you in a bad light being told to the kids. She already did that with them over Xmas day. You will have to be strong with that type of thing. The kids may ask you questions about why you did etc etc.
Keep in regular contact with the school
Genuine good luck and sorry for being harsh, negative etc but......
Ari said:
When did you get divorced?
This keeps cropping up and I've mentioned this before, but I recently helped a friend through a divorce, including going with him to see a family solicitor who was clearly very clued up on the process.
Her advice was that courts are far fairer on the father these days. She suggested he should expect a 50/50 split of the marital home (they had two teenage boys) with a worse case of 60/40. In the end, 50/50 was exactly what he got - and we're certainly not talking about wealthy people where 50% would buy a home outright, although it would fund a deposit each (I think there was about £120K equity to be divided up once all the debts, mortgage etc were settled).
The days of the penniless father and the wife keeping everything appear to be on the wane, thankfully.
The problem comes where the wife doesn't have enough equity and/or doesn't earn enough to buy another house in the same area. What do you do in that situation, the needs of the children are the most important thing. So the judge will most likely let the wife live in the house and the husband has to pay towards the mortgage. There will be no way for the husband to get his name off the mortgage as the wife doesn't earn enough to take it on so the husband is financially screwed. He will not be able to get another mortgage so will have to rent or live with his parents. Due to the amount of money he has to pay towards the ex wife he will be lucky to rent a two bedroom flat so his children can stay over one night a fortnight.This keeps cropping up and I've mentioned this before, but I recently helped a friend through a divorce, including going with him to see a family solicitor who was clearly very clued up on the process.
Her advice was that courts are far fairer on the father these days. She suggested he should expect a 50/50 split of the marital home (they had two teenage boys) with a worse case of 60/40. In the end, 50/50 was exactly what he got - and we're certainly not talking about wealthy people where 50% would buy a home outright, although it would fund a deposit each (I think there was about £120K equity to be divided up once all the debts, mortgage etc were settled).
The days of the penniless father and the wife keeping everything appear to be on the wane, thankfully.
The problem with divorce is that you need to run two households with the money that was used to run one household. I think a lot of women expect the same level of lifestyle with their new boyfriend without thinking about how the ex husband is going to afford to live. In my experience they think it totally acceptable for the husband to be living with his parents while she gets to live in the same house.
Divorce for most women is replacing the husband with the new boyfriend with no other changes in her life. Honestly for the majority of women it is no different to part exchanging their car for the new model.
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