Living with a woman - good idea?

Living with a woman - good idea?

Author
Discussion

Ari

Original Poster:

19,328 posts

214 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
It's a genuine question. I lived with a woman when I was twenty for a few years, it didn't work out - she was very lazy. Once she'd 'got me' she gave up making any effort at all toward the relationship, or life in general.

Since then I've dated and I've had relationships, the longest for eight years, but we never quite got to living together in the same house, either I was at hers or she was at mine.

Now I'm starting to get on a bit I'm beginning to think, maybe it would be nice. Share life, share finances, share the good times and the bad. After all, more people do it than don't.

But then more people read the Daily Mail than The Times, doesn't make the Mail a better choice.

Just to be clear, I'm not talking about the no doubt extremely thin and very pretty young psychopaths that so many Pistonheaders seem to enjoy marrying, having children with and then expensively divorcing. I'm talking about reasonably attractive, reasonably normal, middle aged women. (Well, just the one...)

In fact I'm not necessarily talking about getting married at all, just living with someone rather than living alone.

Anyone done it later in life (say in the late forties or fifties) and had it work out well?

Or are we just too set in our ways once we're well into middle age?

oilbethere

908 posts

80 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
Stay as you are. Why complicate life?

Wacky Racer

38,099 posts

246 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
If you pick a good woman they are the best thing in the world.....

Choose badly....well.......SWT etc, etc.

It's a lottery.

Are you feeling lucky?

smile

Ari

Original Poster:

19,328 posts

214 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
oilbethere said:
Stay as you are. Why complicate life?
Fair point, but why not enhance it? smile

The big unanswerable (except on Pistonheads where there are always plenty of answers) question is though - would it? scratchchin

cossy400

3,153 posts

183 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
Secure all your assets, and then jump in, at least then if she mental you might get to keep something.


hyphen

26,262 posts

89 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
cossy400 said:
Secure all your assets, and then jump in, at least then if she mental you might get to keep something.

He says 40's/50's, so he just needs to find a divorcee who comes with the last husbands assets wink

Ari

Original Poster:

19,328 posts

214 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
cossy400 said:
Secure all your assets, and then jump in, at least then if she mental you might get to keep something.

If you don't marry them this isn't an issue though surely?

And anyway, if she's a sane sorted intelligent woman, chances are she'll have a few assets of her own.

I'm not worried about the financials, as I said, I'm not planning to marry some stick thin airhead half my age that see's me as a 'good prospect', I'm more interested in a normal relationship with a normal woman.

Question is, have I left it too late for the whole living together thing? scratchchin

mac96

3,715 posts

142 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
hyphen said:
cossy400 said:
Secure all your assets, and then jump in, at least then if she mental you might get to keep something.

He says 40's/50's, so he just needs to find a divorcee who comes with the last husbands assets wink
Bad idea, just proves she's learned how to do it... wink

And is he under the patio?

oilbethere

908 posts

80 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
Ari said:
If you don't marry them this isn't an issue though surely?

And anyway, if she's a sane sorted intelligent woman, chances are she'll have a few assets of her own.

I'm not worried about the financials, as I said, I'm not planning to marry some stick thin airhead half my age that see's me as a 'good prospect', I'm more interested in a normal relationship with a normal woman.

Question is, have I left it too late for the whole living together thing? scratchchin
Normal you say confused

oilbethere

908 posts

80 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
If you are lonely get a dog.

hyphen

26,262 posts

89 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
Ari said:
Question is, have I left it too late for the whole living together thing? scratchchin
Why didn't any of the others move in?

mintybiscuit

2,811 posts

144 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
Meh...!
Get yourself a gay male lodger.

They are great at keeping the place clean !

biggrin .















. ( said in jest, before anyone jumps on me ! ).

eek just realised what I posted !! laugh

Edited by mintybiscuit on Friday 19th January 22:43

Ari

Original Poster:

19,328 posts

214 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
hyphen said:
Why didn't any of the others move in?
Fair question. Either the relationships never quite got that far, or (like with the lady I was with the longest), she had kids, they had a dad (who they spent 50% of their time with - not all women are controlling SWT), and it was just easier for her to spend time with me when the kids were at their dads, and then I'd be either at my house alone or the occasional night at hers rather than upsetting the family dynamic.

We had holidays with the kids and stuff, I didn't keep them at arms length, I think we just kind of thought that living together would be something we did once they'd grown up. Unfortunately they never did, and the behaviour of one in particular became worse and worse, made even more untenable for me by her refusing to deal with it, in fact quite the reverse, she facilitated it. It got so I couldn't stand by and watch her willingly be emotionally abused by a very badly behaved supposed 'young adult' anymore...

Ari

Original Poster:

19,328 posts

214 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
mintybiscuit said:
Meh...!
Get yourself a gay male lodger.
You know, I often think that gay men probably have it the most sorted of all. Far more chance of being on the same emotional wavelength, no 'accidental' pregnancies to worry about, chances are a similar attitude toward sex and whatnot.

However you do actually have to be gay for that to work, which isn't something you can just choose to be...

Peanut Gallery

2,417 posts

109 months

Friday 19th January 2018
quotequote all
Wants to avoid the posh models, settle down with a sensible person? Sounds like the start of pooy pillows....

But honestly, go for it! They can be hard work, and WILL drive you insane, but the right one will enhance your life a lot!

numtumfutunch

4,704 posts

137 months

Saturday 20th January 2018
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Photos would help

PurpleMoonlight

22,362 posts

156 months

Saturday 20th January 2018
quotequote all
You move in with her, not her with you.

Your rent out your property.

Do not by a property jointly,

Do not marry.

Otherwise, enjoy.

MorganP104

2,605 posts

129 months

Saturday 20th January 2018
quotequote all
numtumfutunch said:
Photos would help
Got it in on page 1. Well played. hehe

Serious answer: Do you feel you might be too set in your ways to live with someone, after all these years? You've obviously got a particular lifestyle, that you've cultivated and perfected over time. Are you worried that co-habiting on a full time basis might spoil all that?

Northbloke

643 posts

218 months

Saturday 20th January 2018
quotequote all
Some wise words on this thread particularly:

PurpleMoonlight said:
You move in with her, not her with you.

Your rent out your property.
It depends if you want kids and the "grow together" lifetime thing. That's a whole different kettle of fish to live together and have fun with no ties lifestyle.

I did the latter several times (serial monogamy?) and it was brilliant each time for 18mths - 3years. A live-in, keen, attentive, attractive female is a huge plus over singledom, home alone, X-box, curry shop on speed dial etc. But in my experience after a while this changes, interest wanes, the restrictions and compromises begin to outweigh the benefits, time to move on.

Unfortunately I swapped this dynamic happy state of affairs for the former long-term thing and it all went a bit shape de pear. Heyho.

So be clear what you are after I would say.

(Oh and suggest you drop your inaccurate regular "stick thin airhead half my age" meme. It is just as easy for a "normal girl" to fleece you in my experience)



steveatesh

4,893 posts

163 months

Saturday 20th January 2018
quotequote all
Peanut Gallery said:
Wants to avoid the posh models, settle down with a sensible person? Sounds like the start of pooy pillows....

But honestly, go for it! They can be hard work, and WILL drive you insane, but the right one will enhance your life a lot!
Curious as to the specifics on how the “right one will enhance your life a lot”?

What will he gain that he doesn’t have now?
What will he lose that he has now?
What new opportunities will he have with such a woman that he doesn’t have now?
What threats and risks will he have to contend with that he doesn’t now?

I suppose only he can answer the questions, and ultimately decide if the risk is worth taking.

From friends experience I see much greater risks in his proposal than gains and opportunities, after all there is not much a single man can’t have if he is well resourced, compared to a man in a relationship who has to compromise and probably give a lot up for.

As above, get a dog instead.