Being the poor relation, how do you cope?
Discussion
How do you cope?
I know the simplistic answer is to not compete, be happy with what you have as many have it worse, but accepting that mentally is extremely difficult.
I don't have the mental capacity or indeed the confidence and social skills required to pull off a top level job, so I don't see a great deal of scope in increasing my financial capabilities further than where it sits at the moment. If anything I fear losing my current job and ending up earning less which would bring about a whole new world of problems.
I think a lot of where I am now is down to depression. I sleep poorly and suffer with anxiety in a job I've been doing for 7 years now, which I should know inside out. I work for a global company that's very much into engagement and even at low levels we're all supposed to keep on top of a relentless barrage of new policies, processes and methodologies. There are boards on hundreds of feet of walls adorned with charts, figures, graphs and lists of management buzz words and acronyms which have very little to do with our daily roles, yet we're expected to learn them all. Better still, every other month a Global Leader will arrive in the department with an entourage and you'll be escorted to the walls to test your knowledge. I touched on depression before because part of my anxiety means my mind goes black (not blank, but it literally goes black) when put under pressure. I find it so difficult to study and memorise details now that when I try and learn these things I very rarely retain enough of it to be of use. The depression and anxiety is a terrible cycle, but I'm that mentally weak that I can't even take myself to get help as I know I'll break down into a ball of tears and snot.
Which brings me back to the original point. My close group of friends, of which there are only 4, (the fruits of my rather unremarkable social skills mentioned earlier), all earn significant salaries. I think its become more noticeable now because they're at the age where mortgages are ending and they're also in managerial positions where they're earning more than ever before. They're great people, extremely outgoing and confident, but I seem to be going in the opposite direction, becoming more withdrawn and socially awkward. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious of them, but I'm still 100% happy for them, I just wish I could be more like that. Its got to the stage now where over the last 12 months I've started turning down nights out and stopped following the football etc with them. I don't want to get to the stage where jealousy ruins things, but I know that it will at some stage, hence I've been making moves to prevent the split being nasty. I've managed to drop off the map a little and not been invited to a couple of birthdays and football matches etc, but there's an element of regret and sadness that its come to this. I'm 43 years old and already feel a large part of my life is over.
I know the simplistic answer is to not compete, be happy with what you have as many have it worse, but accepting that mentally is extremely difficult.
I don't have the mental capacity or indeed the confidence and social skills required to pull off a top level job, so I don't see a great deal of scope in increasing my financial capabilities further than where it sits at the moment. If anything I fear losing my current job and ending up earning less which would bring about a whole new world of problems.
I think a lot of where I am now is down to depression. I sleep poorly and suffer with anxiety in a job I've been doing for 7 years now, which I should know inside out. I work for a global company that's very much into engagement and even at low levels we're all supposed to keep on top of a relentless barrage of new policies, processes and methodologies. There are boards on hundreds of feet of walls adorned with charts, figures, graphs and lists of management buzz words and acronyms which have very little to do with our daily roles, yet we're expected to learn them all. Better still, every other month a Global Leader will arrive in the department with an entourage and you'll be escorted to the walls to test your knowledge. I touched on depression before because part of my anxiety means my mind goes black (not blank, but it literally goes black) when put under pressure. I find it so difficult to study and memorise details now that when I try and learn these things I very rarely retain enough of it to be of use. The depression and anxiety is a terrible cycle, but I'm that mentally weak that I can't even take myself to get help as I know I'll break down into a ball of tears and snot.
Which brings me back to the original point. My close group of friends, of which there are only 4, (the fruits of my rather unremarkable social skills mentioned earlier), all earn significant salaries. I think its become more noticeable now because they're at the age where mortgages are ending and they're also in managerial positions where they're earning more than ever before. They're great people, extremely outgoing and confident, but I seem to be going in the opposite direction, becoming more withdrawn and socially awkward. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious of them, but I'm still 100% happy for them, I just wish I could be more like that. Its got to the stage now where over the last 12 months I've started turning down nights out and stopped following the football etc with them. I don't want to get to the stage where jealousy ruins things, but I know that it will at some stage, hence I've been making moves to prevent the split being nasty. I've managed to drop off the map a little and not been invited to a couple of birthdays and football matches etc, but there's an element of regret and sadness that its come to this. I'm 43 years old and already feel a large part of my life is over.
Forget everyone else, forget their circumstances and forget the daydreaming low lying envy - it’s fruitless and is working you backwards
Focus on yourself and bettering yourself - be that in work, mind, play, etc...
You need help to work through depression, it doesn’t solve itself, you need to find an outlet that enables the working through process - there are many many Mental Health charities and societies that can help you - your issue may not be in areas you’ve identified
Focus on yourself and bettering yourself - be that in work, mind, play, etc...
You need help to work through depression, it doesn’t solve itself, you need to find an outlet that enables the working through process - there are many many Mental Health charities and societies that can help you - your issue may not be in areas you’ve identified
rowntreescabana said:
The depression and anxiety is a terrible cycle, but I'm that mentally weak that I can't even take myself to get help as I know I'll break down into a ball of tears and snot.
I feel for you, mate, but:So what? Do you really think a mental health professional will be at all phased by that? It sounds like it might be exactly what you need and would precipitate the right help pretty sharpish.
Do try and get it together enough to go and see someone. They really won't judge you because you cry. I know it's scary, but please go.
OP, go see your GP.
At the moment there is risk of a vicious circle of depression/no confidence/no motivation/social isolation occurring. Your feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and negativity for the future are classic in depression. You need to break this cycle otherwise it will only get progressively worse (and more difficult to undo).
The hardest step of it all it making it from your house to sitting in the GP's consulting room. Once you've been able to do that. everything else will follow.
Wishing you all the best.
At the moment there is risk of a vicious circle of depression/no confidence/no motivation/social isolation occurring. Your feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and negativity for the future are classic in depression. You need to break this cycle otherwise it will only get progressively worse (and more difficult to undo).
The hardest step of it all it making it from your house to sitting in the GP's consulting room. Once you've been able to do that. everything else will follow.
Wishing you all the best.
Op, I know how debilitating social anxiety can be. Your 4 friends probably have an idea about it, since they haven't stopped being friendly a long time ago.
You need to try and retain these friendships rather than push your friends away. Personally, I would write them an email or message, with a link to this thread for them to read, and get a better idea of what you're going through.
Hopefully, once they understand your situation, they will be there to help and support you with getting any other help you need.
Both social anxiety and depression are treatable conditions, but they can only be treated if you ask for it.
Hope this helps.
You need to try and retain these friendships rather than push your friends away. Personally, I would write them an email or message, with a link to this thread for them to read, and get a better idea of what you're going through.
Hopefully, once they understand your situation, they will be there to help and support you with getting any other help you need.
Both social anxiety and depression are treatable conditions, but they can only be treated if you ask for it.
Hope this helps.
I think we all envious of people around us. I was recently working in a place where I was comparing my fitness level with someone who was an elite, world-class, professional ex-Olympic medalist!
Seriously, join a gym and lift some weights. You will look and feel better. And you will find the confidence in filter into other parts of your life, e.g. work, girls, going out.
You don't need any anti-depression magic mills. Keep away from that junk.
Seriously, join a gym and lift some weights. You will look and feel better. And you will find the confidence in filter into other parts of your life, e.g. work, girls, going out.
You don't need any anti-depression magic mills. Keep away from that junk.
AndStilliRise said:
I think we all envious of people around us. I was recently working in a place where I was comparing my fitness level with someone who was an elite, world-class, professional ex-Olympic medalist!
Seriously, join a gym and lift some weights. You will look and feel better. And you will find the confidence in filter into other parts of your life, e.g. work, girls, going out.
You don't need any anti-depression magic mills. Keep away from that junk.
Are you for real? You actually think lifting weights solves depression and anxiety? Don’t think so.Seriously, join a gym and lift some weights. You will look and feel better. And you will find the confidence in filter into other parts of your life, e.g. work, girls, going out.
You don't need any anti-depression magic mills. Keep away from that junk.
Sounds more like you need to get your depression treated as it's the one causing your issues, not the other way around.
I know how you feel - I suffer with depression and have done for over a decade and when it's bad, my performance goes to s
t.
Take a break; see a therapist; work out your priorities in life and things will fall in to place better.
I know how you feel - I suffer with depression and have done for over a decade and when it's bad, my performance goes to s
t. Take a break; see a therapist; work out your priorities in life and things will fall in to place better.
rossub said:
AndStilliRise said:
I think we all envious of people around us. I was recently working in a place where I was comparing my fitness level with someone who was an elite, world-class, professional ex-Olympic medalist!
Seriously, join a gym and lift some weights. You will look and feel better. And you will find the confidence in filter into other parts of your life, e.g. work, girls, going out.
You don't need any anti-depression magic mills. Keep away from that junk.
Are you for real? You actually think lifting weights solves depression and anxiety? Don’t think so.Seriously, join a gym and lift some weights. You will look and feel better. And you will find the confidence in filter into other parts of your life, e.g. work, girls, going out.
You don't need any anti-depression magic mills. Keep away from that junk.
Combining a healthy sports activity with some counciling is a good idea.
I've suffered in the past and found that doing both can work wonders.
There is a lot of NHS based support around, they key thing is knowing about it and how to access it. A talking therapy would help you I think, to get to the route of the self esteem issue you suggest and the trigger for the depressive episode(s). You can self refer to primary care counselling in a lot of places. Check your local area or you can be referred via your GP if thats doable for you.
alorotom said:
Exactly, who needs proven scientific medical intervention when you can pump iron lol ... madness!
The sentimeent is there, exercise does reduce depressionhttps://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/...
'Studies show that exercise can treat mild to moderate depression as effectively as antidepressant medication—but without the side-effects'
' Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment. It relieves tension and stress, boosts physical and mental energy, and enhances well-being through the release of endorphine,'
Some people like pills some don't.
Six Figs said:
alorotom said:
Exactly, who needs proven scientific medical intervention when you can pump iron lol ... madness!
The sentimeent is there, exercise does reduce depressionhttps://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/...
'Studies show that exercise can treat mild to moderate depression as effectively as antidepressant medication—but without the side-effects'
' Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment. It relieves tension and stress, boosts physical and mental energy, and enhances well-being through the release of endorphine,'
Some people like pills some don't.
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