Modern toilets cannot cope

[colin_p]

In the olden days a proper bog would have a large splashdown area minimising pan stripe'age, would have a cistern with a goodly amount of water and the best ones would have a cistern at eye level with a chain on the side which really had oomph. More often than not having crap was flush and go affair.

I think toilet design was handed over to women in about 1995 as they are simply cannot cope anymore. Instead of having a large splashdown area they have a shelf with a tiny splasdown spot with little or no capacity. Today I made a deposit on one such bog and managed to break the surface of the water which was a quite pleasing accomplishment despite the crap crapper.

Flushing. I know it is all about saving water but if you have to flush the damned thing three or four times it really defeats the object of the exercise, not to mention the time wasted waiting for the damned thing to fill back up with water. They also have a poor distribution of water around the pan which means more brushing. On an old bog, no matter how large a flock of starlings was unleashed, were washed away and stripe'age was minimal.

I of course blame the EU for this (issueing some Red Dwarf Space Corps type directive about toilets, probably) but soon we will be able to sort out our own s**t once again. I cannot wait.

[gazza285]

At least we don't crap on a shelf like our Teutonic brethren.

[miniman]

I agree wholeheartedly. My childhood home still has a vintage Twyfords which has never and I mean *never* failed to dispatch even the most fearsome leavings on the first flush.

[LosingGrip]

What annoys me is I can go for a huge st, I look at it and I'm dreading flushing it. Knowing I'm going to have to find a coat hanger to break it up. Yet it flushes first time.

I have a smaller one...think 'this will flush first time'. Yet it doesn't go down...

Winds me right up.

[Catatafish]

gazza285 said:

At least we don't crap on a shelf like our Teutonic brethren.

That is so you can inspect and report to your doctor the size and corn density.

I have a problem with super rod turds that need their backs broken to pass down the woefully tiny apertures.

[foggy]

colin_p said:

flock of starlings

[parabolica]

Catatafish said:

gazza285 said:

At least we don't crap on a shelf like our Teutonic brethren.

That is so you can inspect and report to your doctor the size and corn density.

I have a problem with super rod turds that need their backs broken to pass down the woefully tiny apertures.

I bet you work in my office; some filthy dirtbag had given birth to this monster that towered out the bowl and just left it there. Honestly looked like someone had coated a baguette in chocolate and thrown it into the bowl. Considered calling the local A&E to check up on the guy. fk knows how he cleaned up as there was no evidence of toilet roll of paper towels.

Worse day at work ever.

[Integroo]

colin_p said:

In the olden days a proper bog would have a large splashdown area minimising pan stripe'age, would have a cistern with a goodly amount of water and the best ones would have a cistern at eye level with a chain on the side which really had oomph. More often than not having crap was flush and go affair.

I think toilet design was handed over to women in about 1995 as they are simply cannot cope anymore. Instead of having a large splashdown area they have a shelf with a tiny splasdown spot with little or no capacity. Today I made a deposit on one such bog and managed to break the surface of the water which was a quite pleasing accomplishment despite the crap crapper.

Flushing. I know it is all about saving water but if you have to flush the damned thing three or four times it really defeats the object of the exercise, not to mention the time wasted waiting for the damned thing to fill back up with water. They also have a poor distribution of water around the pan which means more brushing. On an old bog, no matter how large a flock of starlings was unleashed, were washed away and stripe'age was minimal.

I of course blame the EU for this (issueing some Red Dwarf Space Corps type directive about toilets, probably) but soon we will be able to sort out our own s**t once again. I cannot wait.

Blaming women and the EU without any evidence whatsoever. You sound pleasant.

[Catatafish]

parabolica said:

I bet you work in my office; some filthy dirtbag had given birth to this monster that towered out the bowl and just left it there. Honestly looked like someone had coated a baguette in chocolate and thrown it into the bowl. Considered calling the local A&E to check up on the guy. fk knows how he cleaned up as there was no evidence of toilet roll of paper towels.

Worse day at work ever.

Sounds like a depraved art installation or could it be nature getting its own back? Did you check the CCTV for sasquatch?

[Spare tyre]

Changed my 1950s toilet to a modern one, I'd say 1 in 3 of my turds these days needs a bucket of water throwing down to dispatch it

The new toilets are smaller (I guess a tighter bend) and they use a lot less water

[FN2TypeR]

Integroo said:

Blaming women and the EU without any evidence whatsoever. You sound pleasant.

It's a joke.

Tell your face.

[Andehh]

I don't mind them, especially as 4/5 of the time you're only flushing liquid away... Which when you use 20L to do the job is excessive!!

Small planet, lots of people, and we DO use water wastefully.

Im no left wing greenie, but common sense stuff like this, does make sense.

[eharding]

Catatafish said:

gazza285 said:

At least we don't crap on a shelf like our Teutonic brethren.

That is so you can inspect and report to your doctor the size and corn density.

I thought the German-style trophy-shelf was because with a traditional high-pork diet the risk of intestinal worms was that much greater, hence having the shelf to check for any little interlopers before flushing.

Weird. Suddenly I don't feel like pork for supper. Or anything else.

[TimeForAZafira]

gazza285 said:

At least we don't crap on a shelf like our Teutonic brethren.

Ah yes, the inspection platform. I've had many a night out on the Hefeweizen, washed down with Döner only to be told by my subsequent 'production' on the platform - that's you, that is.

[ajprice]

My first thought when I read the title was this.


Anyone else?

[GibsonSG]

I’ve got an old school bog with a high level cistern. It’s monumental. I do only tend to use it when I know I’m going to have to call the local water treatment works after trying to sink the Bismarck with my chocolate torpedos, but by heck it’s satisfying.....

[peterperkins]

parabolica said:

Honestly looked like someone had coated a baguette in chocolate and thrown it into the bowl.

LOL

[grumpy52]

The most annoying thing in the bathroom is the epic download that needs 4 flushes to disperse followed by the little floater that needs a good soak before it will exit .
This was never a problem with an old fashioned high level .
The light flush would be redundant if we followed the mantra " if it's yellow let it mellow , if it's brown flush it down "

[grumbledoak]

It's a joke, isn't it? We live on an island with near permanent rain, yet our toilets are designed to save water in meaningless solidarity with unspecified desert dwelling nomads. So we have to flush the damn things three times every time. So they aren't even saving any water.

[Saleen836]

Just do this....