Modern toilets cannot cope
Discussion
It's become apparent to me that we need to revert back to the old ways- see above comments about the use of MORE water due to these daft little flushes. Another example is that before all this unleaded mallarky and catalysts we didn't have a global warming problem.
Re water use.... There is no shortage, it's just a case of distribution (and whether some parts of the World will ever get a good water supply). There is the same amount of water around the World as there has always been...... It goes up, it comes down, but it's the same.
Maybe if the ice caps melt due to global warming there will be more available - problem solved
Re water use.... There is no shortage, it's just a case of distribution (and whether some parts of the World will ever get a good water supply). There is the same amount of water around the World as there has always been...... It goes up, it comes down, but it's the same.
Maybe if the ice caps melt due to global warming there will be more available - problem solvedStanleyT said:
Little did I know some water had gone up my back canal and after being suitably dried, feeling cleansed I left the trap, washed my hands, dried them and returned towards the bar where a little fart was brewing, at which point I did a very wet watery fart (fortunately black trousers) and some moisture began to appear at my feet. "Ha, ha, Stan's pissed himself" was the general comment, I didn't let on that it was dilute bum gravy and promptly disappeared from said night out.
My toilet woes don't end with the Knutsford Geberit auto enema story.
I was travelling in a coach across Cappadocia in Turkey and we stopped at the "services". Which comprised a layby in a saltpan lake, Lake Nar, a tent with some bloke selling warm coca-cola, olives and kebabs, and a small tin shack.
Fortunately I only needed a number one so went into said shack, pee'd and as there was a huge 'Bismark' from the previous visitor thought it better to sink it with the addition of my pee and the flush, so pulled the flush cord, which was attached to a cistern 8 foot up the wall, like the old high level cisterns in Victorian Houses.
Basically the whole shack fell over 90 degrees, cistern, toilet, Bismark and brown water and all all over me.
Not that I knew.
I woke up a day later in an Ankara hospital, the bloody toilet cistern had fallen off the wall and knocked me right out.
My bags were somewhere still on the coach now at the Syrian end of Turkey and all I had to leave the hospital in was the set of clothes I'd worn the previous day, now smelling mustily damp and slightly s
tty mixed with eau'd donner. Still at least I had my passport and wallet, minus £1.3 million T-Lira which I think the 'taxi' driver who delivered me to the hozzie had taken (about £80 in the old T-Lira), but no dignity.
I've one worst toilet experience in life but I don't know if I can tell, the trauma of writing it down may be too much. It involves a rat.
I was travelling in a coach across Cappadocia in Turkey and we stopped at the "services". Which comprised a layby in a saltpan lake, Lake Nar, a tent with some bloke selling warm coca-cola, olives and kebabs, and a small tin shack.
Fortunately I only needed a number one so went into said shack, pee'd and as there was a huge 'Bismark' from the previous visitor thought it better to sink it with the addition of my pee and the flush, so pulled the flush cord, which was attached to a cistern 8 foot up the wall, like the old high level cisterns in Victorian Houses.
Basically the whole shack fell over 90 degrees, cistern, toilet, Bismark and brown water and all all over me.
Not that I knew.
I woke up a day later in an Ankara hospital, the bloody toilet cistern had fallen off the wall and knocked me right out.
My bags were somewhere still on the coach now at the Syrian end of Turkey and all I had to leave the hospital in was the set of clothes I'd worn the previous day, now smelling mustily damp and slightly s
tty mixed with eau'd donner. Still at least I had my passport and wallet, minus £1.3 million T-Lira which I think the 'taxi' driver who delivered me to the hozzie had taken (about £80 in the old T-Lira), but no dignity.I've one worst toilet experience in life but I don't know if I can tell, the trauma of writing it down may be too much. It involves a rat.
Bad toilet experiences continued....... About 25 years ago went with the Wife (the girlfriend) to Enfield pageant and autojumble (just did a g search and it still runs!), anyway, went up the steps to the portaloo, opened the door and went in to be greeted by the worse stench I have EVER experience before or since. In similar circumstances (eg unpleasantness left behind) I'd do the required no1 and leave, but there were not even any feelings of embarrassment on this occasion - It would have been impossible to stay without passing out! Legged it straight down the stairs. It then became clear why we'd seen a few individuals disappearing discreetly from the showground into a neighboring field.
R1gtr said:
StanleyT said:
I've one worst toilet experience in life but I don't know if I can tell, the trauma of writing it down may be too much. It involves a rat.
Get it told.Mick Dundee said:
If you got a problem, you tell Wally. And he tells everyone in town... brings it out in the open... no more problem.
R1gtr said:
StanleyT said:
I've one worst toilet experience in life but I don't know if I can tell, the trauma of writing it down may be too much. It involves a rat.
Get it told.Anyway I goes for a crap and joins the queues for the Portaloos.
I've just done my business and am wiping up (remembered a travel pack of wipes 10/10 for festival preparedness) when holy f
k out the 'tank' jumps a rat and obviously I with pecker out jumps twice as fast as this piss strewn disinfectant smelling rodent. Now I'm not a small guy now, but back then I was 20 stone, so my hitting against the wall of the Portaloo and screaming makes the loo move a bit (end of the row Portaloo). Outside observers see the movement of the loo and decide to help by pushing it more (an Irish 'comedy thing' at festivals I was later told), knocking it over and those that know where the loos are at Crowe Park will know there is a grade that the loo can then roll over and over on.
Thanks pop (poop?) pickers, after coming out of a Portaloo that had discharged it's s
t and piss on me I had to go to hospital for tetanus jabs and a good dose of disinfectants again and finally some pretty strong antibiotics, So not only did I miss the concert, loose my shirt and rest of my clothes but I also had the most awful sts for five days after - infection or antibiotics not known.What happened to the rat is unknown. I only hope it is rat hell describing its last living moments as it saw a festival burger and falafel fuelled brown otter coming to attack it.
I don't go out these days..........
colin_p said:
Gotcha. Like a right angled pressure washer attachment for doing under the wheelarches.
However, how does it know what to aim for? There is a fine line between the target area and the back of your dangling ball bag or fanny if you are a girl. I assume you have to wiggle about until it hits the spot.
I can only assume it has a small CCTV camera with a software programme that is optimised to identify a*** holes and home in on them. Maybe the better quality devices also have extra software to avoid other holes and ball bags? I guess you shouldn't go cheap if buying such a system. Presume the CCTV camera can be connected up to the home CCTV/DVR system for later "use" or for showing off to next door how you have more money than sense.However, how does it know what to aim for? There is a fine line between the target area and the back of your dangling ball bag or fanny if you are a girl. I assume you have to wiggle about until it hits the spot.
motco said:
devnull said:
Lazermilk said:
Their theory was she didn't sit down and just hovered over the seat/in the general direction of the toilet and just let loose! 
This is not theory - this is actually a thing. Many women I know admit to hovering for fear of getting ass / thing rabies should they ever dream of actually sitting on a bog.lufbramatt said:
Have a look at Geberit Aquaclean.
I used to work for Geberit, I went out to the HQ in Switzerland and the loos all had them in. IR taps, IR soap dispensers, auto doors, auto bum cleaning. You could literally do your business and clean up without touching anything with your hands. Apart from dropping trou.
I have a particularly hairy arse. Do they do a wide angle nozzle, or a carpet cleaning attachment?I used to work for Geberit, I went out to the HQ in Switzerland and the loos all had them in. IR taps, IR soap dispensers, auto doors, auto bum cleaning. You could literally do your business and clean up without touching anything with your hands. Apart from dropping trou.
MikeStroud said:
motco said:
devnull said:
Lazermilk said:
Their theory was she didn't sit down and just hovered over the seat/in the general direction of the toilet and just let loose!
This is not theory - this is actually a thing. Many women I know admit to hovering for fear of getting ass / thing rabies should they ever dream of actually sitting on a bog.
motco said:
MikeStroud said:
motco said:
devnull said:
Lazermilk said:
Their theory was she didn't sit down and just hovered over the seat/in the general direction of the toilet and just let loose!
This is not theory - this is actually a thing. Many women I know admit to hovering for fear of getting ass / thing rabies should they ever dream of actually sitting on a bog.
My worst experience was at a furniture auction - which was held at an agricultural auction site...
Part way through the auction I needed a pee and was directed to the outside toilet block. As I got closer I noted that all the windows had been knocked out.
Upon opening the door it became clear why. All walls and doors were 'coated' with excrement up to around chest level with some smears reaching higher and indeed some hanging from the ceiling. Like a stty grotto. This was in the urinals section. I didn't venture into the cubicles. There were no paper towels and the door was closing. Luckily I managed to insert a foot into the gap and make my escape, deciding to hold it in until I could find another loo or just piss myself...
Still not sure if the crap was from the farmers or if they had taken the sheep in with them. Filthy, filthy sods.
Part way through the auction I needed a pee and was directed to the outside toilet block. As I got closer I noted that all the windows had been knocked out.
Upon opening the door it became clear why. All walls and doors were 'coated' with excrement up to around chest level with some smears reaching higher and indeed some hanging from the ceiling. Like a s
tty grotto. This was in the urinals section. I didn't venture into the cubicles. There were no paper towels and the door was closing. Luckily I managed to insert a foot into the gap and make my escape, deciding to hold it in until I could find another loo or just piss myself...Still not sure if the crap was from the farmers or if they had taken the sheep in with them. Filthy, filthy sods.
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