Fat wife

Author
Discussion

Benni

3,515 posts

211 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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Spare tyre said:
Pay a tuba player to follow her about all day
Really in tears from laughter by that, top tip.

lord trumpton

7,392 posts

126 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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What's her mother like?

If she's a fatso then it's a foregone conclusion; Fat MIL = Fat wife for the future.

You'll have to have an affair in your fast approaching mid life crisis.

Shuvi McTupya

24,460 posts

247 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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CorradoTDI said:
Heroin.
That worked for a mate of mine. He met a pretty lady that he got on well with but she was quite chunky. After a couple of years of enjoying his 'habit' with him she slimmed right down and they had a fantastic relationship , for a while .

She dumped him and traded upsmile

Shuvi McTupya

24,460 posts

247 months

Friday 13th April 2018
quotequote all
Benni said:
Spare tyre said:
Pay a tuba player to follow her about all day
Really in tears from laughter by that, top tip.
Seconded! hehe

Shuvi McTupya

24,460 posts

247 months

Friday 13th April 2018
quotequote all
I can see where the OP is coming from. I can't stand the thought of rolls of fat either.

if I am honest , 90% of the women I see on a daily basis are not attractive to me. All is not lost though, I have been watching the commonwealth games and I now realise what I need is a top level female high jumper in my life.

I just need to find one that might be interested in a broke, average looking 50 yr old man with a bit of a paunch .






Edited by Shuvi McTupya on Friday 13th April 06:20

Welshbeef

49,633 posts

198 months

Friday 13th April 2018
quotequote all
Shuvi McTupya said:
I can see where the OP is coming from. I can't stand the thought of rolls of fat either.

if I am honest , 90% of the women I see on a daily basis are not attractive to me. All is not lost though, I have been watching the commonwealth games and I now realise what I need is a top level female high jumper in my life.

I just need to find one that might be interested in a broke, average looking 50 yr old man with a bit of a paunch .






Edited by Shuvi McTupya on Friday 13th April 06:20
Fair enough Your not a breast man

Shuvi McTupya

24,460 posts

247 months

Friday 13th April 2018
quotequote all
Welshbeef said:
Fair enough Your not a breast man
I like boobies, but long legs take precedence smile

Welshbeef

49,633 posts

198 months

Friday 13th April 2018
quotequote all
Shuvi McTupya said:
Welshbeef said:
Fair enough Your not a breast man
I like boobies, but long legs take precedence smile
A pro athlete normally from all the marathons and Olympics etc that I’ve viewed are more or less flat chested.

Shuvi McTupya

24,460 posts

247 months

Friday 13th April 2018
quotequote all
Welshbeef said:
A pro athlete normally from all the marathons and Olympics etc that I’ve viewed are more or less flat chested.
Yup, but they are flat tummied too, and a flat chest is easily fixed.

It's all irrelevant though, none of them would give me a second looksmile
.

CubanPete

3,630 posts

188 months

Friday 13th April 2018
quotequote all
Shuvi McTupya said:
I can see where the OP is coming from. I can't stand the thought of rolls of fat either.

if I am honest , 90% of the women I see on a daily basis are not attractive to me. All is not lost though, I have been watching the commonwealth games and I now realise what I need is a top level female high jumper in my life.

I just need to find one that might be interested in a broke, average looking 50 yr old man with a bit of a paunch .






Edited by Shuvi McTupya on Friday 13th April 06:20
Girls are softer, paler and wobblier in real life than in the pictures. But then again, so are we. At 50, a skinny tanned girl looks looks like a bundle of sticks in a hessian sack.




OP, summer is coming. volunteer to cook, and do some healthy meals. Climb some hills at the weekend, go family swimming, holiday to the lakes or centre parks. Serotonin levels from broken sleep play havoc with hunger pangs, maybe take the baby to let her sleep for the first few hours of the night.

Do not call your wife fat, she will know this, and will already be feeling worse about it than you do.



Contract Killer

4,382 posts

183 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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Put this on repeat until she gets the message wink

https://youtube.com/watch?v=x67jtMPfdTw

Welshbeef

49,633 posts

198 months

Friday 13th April 2018
quotequote all
CubanPete said:
Girls are softer, paler and wobblier in real life than in the pictures. But then again, so are we. At 50, a skinny tanned girl looks looks like a bundle of sticks in a hessian sack.




OP, summer is coming. volunteer to cook, and do some healthy meals. Climb some hills at the weekend, go family swimming, holiday to the lakes or centre parks. Serotonin levels from broken sleep play havoc with hunger pangs, maybe take the baby to let her sleep for the first few hours of the night.

Do not call your wife fat, she will know this, and will already be feeling worse about it than you do.
Lol he’ll only be here for a few weeks between now and then so little “impact”.

Maybe his issue with her weight is her protest at him being utterly absent as a father & likely just catching up with friends and family on his return each time rather than gettning his hands dirty in being a dad. Poor poor show.


Dynamic Space Wizard

928 posts

104 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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Shuvi McTupya said:
Yup, but they are flat tummied too, and a flat chest is easily fixed.
yes They can eat more melons.

Shuvi McTupya

24,460 posts

247 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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Dynamic Space Wizard said:
yes They can eat more melons.
thumbup

StevieBee

12,884 posts

255 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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Welshbeef said:
creampuff said:
Have you considered suggesting anal invasion to spice up the sex life?
Surely he knows his wife insideout?
Well, he would do afterwards.

OP. Sign her up to Slimming World. Probably the most sensible and effective of all the 'fad' programmes out there.

Shuvi McTupya

24,460 posts

247 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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I am amazed that no one has suggested coke and hookers.

The hookers would be for the OP until the coke fixes his wife..

J4CKO

41,545 posts

200 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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I just hope she never twigs and reads this.


stuartmmcfc

8,662 posts

192 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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Benni said:
Spare tyre said:
Pay a tuba player to follow her about all day
Really in tears from laughter by that, top tip.
I don’t really know why that’s funny but I just read it out to my Wife and I was laughing so much snot came out of my nose.

johnwilliams77

8,308 posts

103 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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J4CKO said:
I just hope she never twigs and reads this.
Don't be silly - she will be too busy eating!

Triumph Bullet

699 posts

113 months

Friday 13th April 2018
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Change her mobile ringtone to this,I believe it should smooth things over.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMSWoIKUt98

Then again it might make things worse if she ain't got a sense of humour.

Forgot to add that maybe you should speak to her about it if it bothers you that much,she might be on a downer about it herself.


Edited by Triumph Bullet on Friday 13th April 08:36