Things you have overhead but shouldn't have...

[theguvernor15]

A good friend of mine, after a few too many sugary drinks, decided to take someone he'd met in the local club back to his house, for some after hours 'fun'.
Anyway, after a while of hopping on the good foot & doing the bad thing, the young lady had become quite vocal shouting 'spank my ass, spank my ass', maybe a little too loud, as it woke his sister up, who was not best pleased, his sister then proceeded to bang on his bedroom door & shouted back 'i'll spank your f*cking ass in a minute if you don't shut up.'

He has previous for this as a couple of years before, he'd taken another girl home who'd become quite vocal, however, in his drunken state, he'd forgotten they had family friends staying down for Christmas dinner the next day.
Apparently he was a bit sheepish the next day at the Christmas dinner table as everybody had heard the bedroom gymnastics from the night before.

[JustALooseScrew]

You know when you phone up a call centre for some help with your broadband and they put you on hold? Be aware they can still hear every word you are saying.

I was that lad on the other end of the phone once.

So there I am looking in to some billing complaint and I said "Just give me a moment, I'm going to check this with my supervisor, I'll just pop you on hold for a minute", which is call centre talk for 'I've heard enough leave me alone whilst I dig through 6 months of billing and intermittent payments issues'.

There's rarely a supervisor involved with these issues it's just a play for time.

So in the back ground I can hear the sounds of the street and two women with thick Dublin accents, evidently pushing prams and cursing their kids etc.

Then the caller excitedly tells her mate "I've got one of dem English fellas, you should hear his accent, it's gorgeous I swear. I'm getting all moist here"

[HTP99]

ooo000ooo said:

How about things youve seen and shouldnt ?

Current colleague split up with his wife a number of years ago, after a few months of wallowing in self pity he realised it was for the best and started to shag about quite prolifically, many of the girls liked having their photo's taken in various states of undress; many of which were sent to him.

One day whilst showing me his latest shag, he decided to hand me his phone so I could scroll through the pictures; I either scrolled too far or the wrong way and the next picture was of him, stark bk naked with a raging hard onhe quickly snatched his phone back off me and it has never been mentioned between the two of us, however I have told a few people.

[AppleJuice]

HTP99 said:

One day whilst showing me his latest shag, he decided to hand me his phone so I could scroll through the pictures; I either scrolled too far or the wrong way and the next picture was of him, stark bk naked with a raging hard onhe quickly snatched his phone back off me and it has never been mentioned between the two of us, however I have told a few people.

[J4CKO]

littlebasher said:

Family holiday in Majorca in the 80's. Studio apartment so all sleeping in the same room.

After my mum & dad thought we were all asleep, they decided to have some "special time"

Except i wasn't asleep

Is that how you got your name ?

I remember a conversation at work about how to deal with people eavesdropping on phone conversations, so we had phrases like.

"Nobody will find him, I made sure"

"From behind, but gently"

"Quicklime always does the job"

"All over her blouse"

"Have you tried coaxing it out with Sunflower seeds" was my personal favourite,

[Vaud]

HTP99 said:

One day whilst showing me his latest shag, he decided to hand me his phone so I could scroll through the pictures; I either scrolled too far or the wrong way and the next picture was of him, stark bk naked with a raging hard onhe quickly snatched his phone back off me and it has never been mentioned between the two of us, however I have told a few people.

I did that with a friends camera - we were hiking and I hit right instead of left in reviewing the last shot, to be greeted by a series of images of his wife naked in the bath, in various poses.

[Spanglepants]

Mistakenly had a text sent to me from a friend who was cheating on his wife telling his new girl that his wife was now upstairs so they could talk.
Visited a Jamaican family we knew and they wanted to show us their holiday photos on their computer. Somehow they ended up on a page that showed their browsing history. Up pops BlackChicksWhiteD*cks for all 5 of us huddled around the screen to see - I was the only one that laughed.

[bobtail4x4]

Vaud said:

HTP99 said:

One day whilst showing me his latest shag, he decided to hand me his phone so I could scroll through the pictures; I either scrolled too far or the wrong way and the next picture was of him, stark bk naked with a raging hard onhe quickly snatched his phone back off me and it has never been mentioned between the two of us, however I have told a few people.

I did that with a friends camera - we were hiking and I hit right instead of left in reviewing the last shot, to be greeted by a series of images of his wife naked in the bath, in various poses.

I had that the other day, builder showing me his phone photo of something covered up, scroll past to his wife who wasnt covered at all, nice girl I see her often, next time will be interesting.

[texaxile]

Lying on the table at the Nuffield awaiting my vasectomy when the surgeon drops his pen.

"Soddit, I'm having one of those days today"

Didn't fill me with confidence.

[littleowl]

Not me, but:- Was sitting having breakfast at a Holiday Inn with a work colleague, when she burst into fits of badly supressed giggles.

I asked what was causing her such hilarity and she indicated a wealthy looking couple in their 60s that had just come into the dining area.

When she had calmed down, she told me that they were in the room next to hers and had kept her entertained the previous evening with their audio performance of bedroom gymnastics that culminated in the woman shouting "Do it to me again with the cucumber Reggie!!!!!!"

[tighnamara]

Not me but a mate sharing a room when a group of us were on holiday a lot of years ago.
Thought his room mate was asleep and had a bird back, room mate heard “ Dylan don’t come, ohhhh Dylan”
He never lived it down for a number of years at work and was known to be “full of 5 seconds of magic”

[Notreallymeeither]

texaxile said:

Lying on the table at the Nuffield awaiting my vasectomy when the surgeon drops his pen.

"Soddit, I'm having one of those days today"

Didn't fill me with confidence.

Similar, but I was having root canal. I hear a huge crack in my mouth, the dentist stops work leaving the nurse to suction and he just walks to the window and stares out - all I hear is him saying fk fk fk quite loudly for about 10 seconds.

I suspect I wasn’t meant to have overheard that.....

Edited by Notreallymeeither on Friday 16th November 22:20

[Jasandjules]

I have quite sensitive ears. This means I can hear the other end of a mobile call if I am within about 6ft of the person making the call.

Once I was walking past a house when the person outside was on the phone, and what I heard was "The spare key is under the mat Steven". I carried on walking but heard the door opening a few seconds later. I guess if I ever did want to start a career in burglary that would be the place to start

[Trophy Husband]

On a camping trip a few years back two young guys were outside of their tent having a few drinks and listening to their tunes on a Bluetooth wireless speaker. Later on they disappeared into their tent and myself and my friends were treated to about 40 seconds of what I could only guess was hard core gay porn blasting from the still connected speaker. How we laughed. Strangely they were packed up and gone before we got up the next day.

I'm giggling now just thinking about it.

[NoVetec]

Boring compared to a lot that's been mentioned here but one evening in the pool changing rooms I overhead a woman tell her (presumably) boyfriend that he'll be getting "the best blowjob ever later".

His response was a monotone "okay". Can't imagine she was overly good.

[djcube]

In a pub recently with Mrs Cube and a group of fat chav/council/loud women come in and sit at the next table. A phone rings, one of them answers, is it "Steve" one asks, apparently it was, another says "tell him I want his dick tonight".

[PAULJ5555]

Cant remember the detail but my friends daughter was being a bit of an idiott in life. I was talking to him over text and he basically told me everything that was going on and how he felt about it, he didnt hold back from what I remember. Only he sent the text to his daughter first by mistake.

I think it actually helped them as it got it all out in the open.

[ooo000ooo]

HTP99 said:

Current colleague split up with his wife a number of years ago, after a few months of wallowing in self pity he realised it was for the best and started to shag about quite prolifically, many of the girls liked having their photo's taken in various states of undress; many of which were sent to him.

One day whilst showing me his latest shag, he decided to hand me his phone so I could scroll through the pictures; I either scrolled too far or the wrong way and the next picture was of him, stark bk naked with a raging hard onhe quickly snatched his phone back off me and it has never been mentioned between the two of us, however I have told a few people.

Mates Ex-wife was upgrading from dial up to adsl back in the days when you needed to enter 0,28 (?) or similar into the modem settings. The ex and her new man hadn't a clue how to do it so asked him to help. He made the changes, got the internet working again and in an attempt to demo how quick it was clicked on their history and opened the first thing nearest to the mouse pointer - swingers.co.uk which took him straight into their profile page and a photo of the ex and new man bk naked getting jiggy.

A few months later the ex upgraded her phone, gave the old one to one of the kids but didn't delete some pics out of one of the folders - her getting bent over the back of the sofa. luckily my mate spotted it before the child and factory reset it in case their were anymore lurking about.

[bernhund]

An ex girlfriend's mum told me she had a lover on the side and that she had bought a bedsit purely for their liasons. Information I didn't need to know and could then not unknow. I ended up carrying out some repair work etc. there so knew it was for real and also witnessed some of her naughty outfits and accessories there. Then one day she died. Not there! The ex got in touch with me to let me know of the death and there I was left with having to tell her there was a lovenest she would be inheriting. Basically telling her of her mum's infidelity and of course letting on I knew all along. Difficult to say the least!

[Anthony Micallef]

I was in a pub in Limehouse once and on the way to the loo could hear a very animated phone conversation going on. This was coming from behind a door that was obviously just meant for the pub owners. The bit of conversation I heard was "...I don't want to start having to put holes in people!".