Woman sets trap, man walks in - Tell us your version
Discussion
Saturday, 8am...
Me: "I'm bored. I'm getting up."
Saturday, 11am...
The OH finally emerges from her slumber...
OH: "What have you been doing?"
Me: "Reading PHeads, watching a few YouTube videos, etc."
OH: "You've been up three hours and you've not done anything useful."
Me: *picks up phone and launches Rightmove app in the vain hope that I'll find something I can afford on my own*
Me: "I'm bored. I'm getting up."
Saturday, 11am...
The OH finally emerges from her slumber...
OH: "What have you been doing?"
Me: "Reading PHeads, watching a few YouTube videos, etc."
OH: "You've been up three hours and you've not done anything useful."
Me: *picks up phone and launches Rightmove app in the vain hope that I'll find something I can afford on my own*
This old joke reminds me of the potential difference in outlook between a 'kept' man and a free one
...Two men are talking in the bar sharing their sob stories. One man says, ‘I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day.’ The other man responds: ‘What is a Freudian Slip?’ ‘You know, it’s when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for “two tickets to Pittsburgh”, I asked her for “to Pickets to Tittsburgh”.’ The second man replies: ‘Oh, now I know what you are talking about. It’s like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, “Pass the salt please” and instead I said: “You f
king bh! You ruined my life!”’
...Two men are talking in the bar sharing their sob stories. One man says, ‘I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day.’ The other man responds: ‘What is a Freudian Slip?’ ‘You know, it’s when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for “two tickets to Pittsburgh”, I asked her for “to Pickets to Tittsburgh”.’ The second man replies: ‘Oh, now I know what you are talking about. It’s like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, “Pass the salt please” and instead I said: “You f
king bh! You ruined my life!”’ Pit Pony said:
I'm working 70 miles away from home.
SUNDAY
Her : what nights are you coming home this week?
Me: Monday and Wednesday
Her: You look tired. You shouldn't be doing all that driving. You should probably stay over Monday too.
MONDAY
on the phone.
Her: Why don't you ever come home when I need you to..
She's cheating on you and wants to eventually put the blame on you for not being around enough.SUNDAY
Her : what nights are you coming home this week?
Me: Monday and Wednesday
Her: You look tired. You shouldn't be doing all that driving. You should probably stay over Monday too.
MONDAY
on the phone.
Her: Why don't you ever come home when I need you to..
Vandenberg said:
Me: Want anything for christmas?
Mrs: No I don't need anything
Xmas Day Mrs: Where's my presents?
Me: You said...........
Xmas Day Mrs: You should know that I don't need anything is code for I want everything.
Followed by:
Me: We doing anything for Valentines?
Mrs: No, Lets not bother its all too commercial
Valentines day Mrs: Where my card flowers and bubbles?
Me: Actually I don't love you any more, this relationship is dead, I'm moving out
Ex Mrs: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Woah! Mrs: No I don't need anything
Xmas Day Mrs: Where's my presents?
Me: You said...........
Xmas Day Mrs: You should know that I don't need anything is code for I want everything.
Followed by:
Me: We doing anything for Valentines?
Mrs: No, Lets not bother its all too commercial
Valentines day Mrs: Where my card flowers and bubbles?
Me: Actually I don't love you any more, this relationship is dead, I'm moving out
Ex Mrs: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Two absolute schoolboy errors made there - those are pretty well their most obvious and widely used traps. Never fall for these!
The Moose said:
Tango13 said:
The barmaid in my local commented that her arse was getting bigger 'cos she's put on half a stone in weight, I pointed out that she had small hands compared to mine and there was nothing wrong with her arse that a couple of trips to Pizza Hut wouldn't put right...
I'm such a smooth talking devil
I'm such a smooth talking devil
Anyone?
soad said:
Frank7 said:
At my first wife’s sister’s 21st birthday bash, my wife, (24), said, “Now tell me the truth, if my sister gave you the green light, what would you do?”
I opened my mouth, hesitated for a nano second, and she said, “You bas*ard, mum was right about you.”
I opened my mouth, hesitated for a nano second, and she said, “You bas*ard, mum was right about you.”
Mrs: Do you think (her) friend X is pretty?
Me: Can't say I've thought about it, why?
Mrs: You must've thought something at sometime, she is very pretty.
Me: Hmm, more of a case of BOBFOC.
Mrs: *after googling it* Are you saying I don't have a nice body?
Mrs: I was thinking, can we go to Costco today? I need to get some bits.
Me: I would, but the car is in pieces, I need to finish it off really, so you can park, and it doesn't piss the neighbours off.
Mrs: You're always doing bits on the car.
Me: You've got a card, why can't you go yourself, there's nothing I need?
Mrs: I thought you might have wanted a look around.
Me: Not really, as I don't need anything in bulk yet, I bought 48 bog rolls last week.
Mrs:So you went without me?
Me: Yeah I stopped in after work, why?
Mrs: You didn't think I would've wanted to come?
Me: You were at work, and I rang you earlier that day and asked if you wanted anything, you said no.
Me: Can't say I've thought about it, why?
Mrs: You must've thought something at sometime, she is very pretty.
Me: Hmm, more of a case of BOBFOC.
Mrs: *after googling it* Are you saying I don't have a nice body?
Mrs: I was thinking, can we go to Costco today? I need to get some bits.
Me: I would, but the car is in pieces, I need to finish it off really, so you can park, and it doesn't piss the neighbours off.
Mrs: You're always doing bits on the car.
Me: You've got a card, why can't you go yourself, there's nothing I need?
Mrs: I thought you might have wanted a look around.
Me: Not really, as I don't need anything in bulk yet, I bought 48 bog rolls last week.
Mrs:So you went without me?
Me: Yeah I stopped in after work, why?
Mrs: You didn't think I would've wanted to come?
Me: You were at work, and I rang you earlier that day and asked if you wanted anything, you said no.
57Ford said:
Wife (while getting ready to go out): What are your plans for the day?
Me: Oh, nothing really. Just a nice relaxing Sunday.
Wife: I’m glad you’re not busy because there’s the lawn needs cutting, the raised beds need weeding, the gutter needs clearing near the garage, while you’re outside the patio is looking a bit grubby and the window frames could do with a wipe down. Once you come back inside....
This is basically every weekend when the weather is good for me. She doesn't understand 'doing nothing' is actually my plan that a lot of thought has gone into (typically clearing tasks early so I can get a day without doing them).Me: Oh, nothing really. Just a nice relaxing Sunday.
Wife: I’m glad you’re not busy because there’s the lawn needs cutting, the raised beds need weeding, the gutter needs clearing near the garage, while you’re outside the patio is looking a bit grubby and the window frames could do with a wipe down. Once you come back inside....
57Ford said:
Wife (while getting ready to go out): What are your plans for the day?
Me: Oh, nothing really. Just a nice relaxing Sunday.
Wife: I’m glad you’re not busy because there’s the lawn needs cutting, the raised beds need weeding, the gutter needs clearing near the garage, while you’re outside the patio is looking a bit grubby and the window frames could do with a wipe down. Once you come back inside....
I am so glad im single as my response to that after working all week would be unprintable.Me: Oh, nothing really. Just a nice relaxing Sunday.
Wife: I’m glad you’re not busy because there’s the lawn needs cutting, the raised beds need weeding, the gutter needs clearing near the garage, while you’re outside the patio is looking a bit grubby and the window frames could do with a wipe down. Once you come back inside....
Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
That's my job too. At Christmas the MIL suggested that her mum/ S's Nan always worried about going in families cars if they're a mess, she likes her nice dresses. I committed to make sure ours is clean whenever she goes down. Like most women my wife treats her car like a wheely bin!
Who, and on whom? Sarah?
Nan (council, and rather perverse, BTW)?
RC1807 said:
Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
That's my job too. At Christmas the MIL suggested that her mum/ S's Nan always worried about going in families cars if they're a mess, she likes her nice dresses. I committed to make sure ours is clean whenever she goes down. Like most women my wife treats her car like a wheely bin!
Who, and on whom? Sarah?
Nan (council, and rather perverse, BTW)?
bloomen said:
I've been with lasses whose idea of, I'm not totally sure, was to repeatedly set up unspoken and unknown tests for me to fail and then be shrieked at.
I never bothered asking what the thinking behind it is. They got fired instead.
Maybe that works on 16 yr olds. Hopefully not on anyone who's seen a little more of life.
This life lesson should be on the school syllabus for 14 year old boys I never bothered asking what the thinking behind it is. They got fired instead.
Maybe that works on 16 yr olds. Hopefully not on anyone who's seen a little more of life.
And 15 year old boys
And probably Also on a freshers week introductory lecture
And maybe also the subject of a graduation speech by your tutor
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