Dating again when you aren't all that...

Dating again when you aren't all that...

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Discussion

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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So im single again after 15 years, and have to look at myself in the mirror and accept a few facts as I start the journey of finding someone new I can be happy with.

Problem I have is as a person I'm okay, but physically I haven't exactly been given all the gifts. I'm very short, have hair in all the wrong places, not in the best shape (am working on that) but most depressingly am covered in cherry angioma, basically blood spots all over, including some on my face.

I have seen docs etc and had attempts made at removing them, but it's massively expensive and not very effective, so have to accept this is me, and can't paint a different picture of myself.

So enter dating apps. I know personality counts etc etc, but reality is woman look as much for the physical attributes of a man as they do anything else, and why wouldn't they? You also can't demonstrate your personality on something visually driven, and anyway at some stage I'd have to gross them out by taking my shirt off, so it's only prolonging the inevitable.

I'm not sure how to approach the dating scene again, I'm sure others coming out of long relationships have felt the same, but suppose I feel it accentuated by what I see as cosmetic disasters.

Maybe joining some sort of groups will let me meet someone, but the odds are small and seems everyone who finds out I'm single tells me to use a dating app, and given the competition I'm thinking that could be a depressing place to be.

Not sure what I'm asking, I suppose I am looking for pointers in approaching dating again and what's worked for others.

Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 25th August 19:35

Sheets Tabuer

18,898 posts

214 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Why go looking for anything? Just live your best life and live life as you, the real you and let things if they happen come to you.

You obviously have self esteem issues and I can tell you they are not going to be helped one little bit by dating apps or sites

When I say live your best life i mean look after you, make you number one, look after that body by working out, walking, Eat and sleep right and buy new clothes, make it all about you. Love yourself first, be your number 1.

sunnygym

993 posts

174 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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If they don’t like your for who you are then what does it matter anyway !

Andeh1

7,107 posts

205 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Sheets Tabuer said:
When I say live your best life i mean look after you, make you number one, look after that body by working out, walking, Eat and sleep right and buy new clothes, make it all about you. Love yourself first, be your number 1.
This!

S100HP

12,645 posts

166 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Whilst I hate the phrase "live your best life" I agree with the sentiment.

fk dating apps. Just look after yourself and enjoy the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Join clubs, do stuff that gets you out there socially and see what happens.

Edited by S100HP on Sunday 25th August 09:16

LimaDelta

6,507 posts

217 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Masquerade Balls?


bloomen

6,851 posts

158 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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I was with a lass who had the blood spot thing. It didn't phase me at all. Her skin looked a bit different from the norm in places. It didn't look worse in any way.

S100HP

12,645 posts

166 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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LimaDelta said:
Masquerade Balls?
PH delivers again laugh

funkyrobot

18,789 posts

227 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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As above, just look after yourself. Most importantly, be yourself.

Dating apps are for a bit of perving, nothing more.

Hoofy

76,253 posts

281 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Dating apps are 90% about looks so screw the apps. That said 84.3% of all statistics are made up.

Anyway, if you feel you're not "all that" then I'd be working the dating thing in the real world.

So go where women are. And by that, I don't mean the women's toilets at work.

Try yoga, try salsa classes, go to mind/body/spirit events, try art classes, get a cute dog, try cookery classes... but only go if you're really interested and open-minded about that stuff. They can detect a fake a mile off.

Work on your personality - be funny, genuine, charming, a little cheeky, well-read, well-informed, interesting, confident, open-minded. Women like a six pack but they really like confidence and personality a lot more.

Be an all-round catch, don't worry about your looks.

But be realistic.

PS This is being yourself but the yourself on a good day.

techguyone

3,137 posts

141 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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I'd stay well away from dating apps, they're designed for shallow people who think a match is skin deep, a picture to be swiped left or right won't tell the watcher anything about what the person is like, i.e. the important stuff, the personality and character.

Looks are only transient, you look at any elderly person, they all tend to look similar, regardless if they were Joe Average or supermodel at younger years. Frankly anyone who chooses a relationship solely on what their partner looks like isn't worth bothering with.

Sincerely

Quasimodo.

SCEtoAUX

4,119 posts

80 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Sex Doll and a Lambo.

Douglas Quaid

2,271 posts

84 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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If you get in superb shape you’ll feel confident when you take your shirt off. I don’t know how old you are but most men in their 40s+ are in terrible shape so that will give you a good boost.
You have nothing to lose by trying the dating apps, if they don’t work you’re no worse off.

The main thing you need to change is your mindset of ‘I’m not all that’. If you can’t love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to do it?

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Definitely a self estime thing, and good advise from a number of people around finding happiness in myself, but not an easy thing and something I haven't come close to achieving in a very long time, so maybe this is the opportunity I need to try.

I'm skeptical I'll ever be truly happy in myself but no harm in trying, physical appearance is looking at you every day and I'm really good at finding the bad, but have to try and better than taking a long walk off a short peer I suppose.

Edit: I think my want to have someone is driven by self estime, I feel better knowing someone accepts me, so have to move past that need.

Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 25th August 10:39

hondafanatic

4,969 posts

200 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Get a dog. Only thing in life that’s genuinely happy to see you every time you walk through the front door. Cheers you up even when in the darkest of moods. Also gets you out and about, exercise, chat to other dog owners and could join some puppy training classes/agility classes to help meet people.

You try walking a Labrador puppy through town without being stopped by some pretty ladies hehe

As others have said, learn to love yourself and someone will come along and do the same.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
quotequote all
Can you become rich or famous?

Check out what people like trump or F1s Bernie or Paul Daniels have managed? Or if you’re not rich or famous maybe go somewhere where you’re relatively rich like Southeast Asia, loads of British blokes have one well there plus the weather and food is great?

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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El stovey said:
Can you become rich or famous?

Check out what people like trump or F1s Bernie or Paul Daniels have managed? Or if you’re not rich or famous maybe go somewhere where you’re relatively rich like Southeast Asia, loads of British blokes have one well there plus the weather and food is great?
I'll work on that smile have young kids so no moving anywhere else, sounds idillic thou.

Also moved out of the family home into rented, so no pets, but at some stage I'll be in a position to buy so that's something I could think about.


Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 25th August 11:09

steveatesh

4,893 posts

163 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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hondafanatic said:
Get a dog. Only thing in life that’s genuinely happy to see you every time you walk through the front door. Cheers you up even when in the darkest of moods. Also gets you out and about, exercise, chat to other dog owners and could join some puppy training classes/agility classes to help meet people.

You try walking a Labrador puppy through town without being stopped by some pretty ladies hehe

As others have said, learn to love yourself and someone will come along and do the same.
Got to agree with this, get a dog and a handful of mates and you are set for life.

I can’t understand why people who have become single are so quick to rush into another relationship, unless they are committed to having to compromise just about everything they do and in many many cases be subject to being told what to do, whether directly or indirectly.

There’s a line of thought that men get married For sexual reasons and women for the utility that men give them. If you agree with that thinking then remember everything can be bought in and it would probably be cheaper in the long run smile


Robbo 27

3,605 posts

98 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
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Read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, knowing the right thing to say and pretending to be a good listener makes up for a lot of other shortfalls.

Work out what you want and prioritise looks/personality/money/hobbies, even accent and background.

My favourite woman in the world was very easy to live with and was a joy, not a great looker, a sort of poundshop Sarah Michelle Gellar but perfect girlfriend material. So sort out what you really want.

Next door neighbour has a face like a flattened cats face but having been widowed 6 months ago he has taken up with a hot girl with a big arse, she is all over him.

He is as rich as fudge though.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Sunday 25th August 2019
quotequote all
steveatesh said:
There’s a line of thought that men get married For sexual reasons and women for the utility that men give them. If you agree with that thinking then remember everything can be bought in and it would probably be cheaper in the long run smile
I like that line of thought, I really need to embrace the freedom I now have, I do like a lot if aspects of it and I am enjoying more and more not having to compromise, I'm maybe risking rushing back into something just for the familiar instead of enjoying the differences.

That's a really good way of looking at it, centrate on what I've gained rather than what I've lost, thanks all, that helps.