PH Secret Santa 2019 - The Santae, vengeance!

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Troc

INCOMING.... ( Which needs to be signed for )




Santa's elves have dug deep to get some dirt on you.
After some rather protracted dealing with their spies - they have finally come good.

What they found is a somewhat grainy old video of you dancing like a loon.


Santa was so impressed by your moves; he has decided to bless you with a cornucopia of the most exquisite gifts the world has to offer.


Santa says you can open the presents at your leisure.


The gifts can be opened in any sequence apart from the one with the PH logo on it. It should be opened last.


Any items you are baffled at their purpose, Google will help.


Santa genuinely hopes that you and yours have a most splendid Christmas and New Year.

[bristolbaron]

bristolbaron said:

It seems one of my items might be delayed.
I’m not sure now whether I’d save it for next years SS or give into temptation to use it myself!

Ummmm.. I might have a problem.
I’ve checked shipping for my parcel from China:



I went onto google translate for the most recent update and the package has arrived (top line)




The location it’s ‘arrived’ to? Langley, home of the CIA.



There’s a chance the only thing I’ll be receiving this year is a one way ticket to Guantanamo.

[geeks]

bristolbaron said:

bristolbaron said:

It seems one of my items might be delayed.
I’m not sure now whether I’d save it for next years SS or give into temptation to use it myself!

Ummmm.. I might have a problem.
I’ve checked shipping for my parcel from China:



I went onto google translate for the most recent update and the package has arrived (top line)




The location it’s ‘arrived’ to? Langley, home of the CIA.



There’s a chance the only thing I’ll be receiving this year is a one way ticket to Guantanamo.

The fear is real..

[Swampy1982]

Captain Raymond Holt said:

Swampy1982

Royal Mail attempted to deliver his package today but he wasn't in. Santa is disappointed that he has something more important to do than sit by the door waiting for the postman's knock. However, the package is apparently at his local delivery office (Orton Southgate) awaiting collection.

Turns out that swampys mrs is a lazy and doesn't know how to open the door, swampy is currently working away so will go to sunny orton on his return (weekend)

[GOG440]

Woohoo
I was getting pretty worried that the Aliexpress elves were going to let me down, but its all good, my victims main gift has arrived, just need a couple of bits and then I can send it off to my SS

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Xaero

You can open the outer Jiffy bag, presents are individually wrapped inside.

Feel free to scoff the non-gift wrapped edible bit any time you like.

[bristolbaron]

bristolbaron said:

Captain Raymond Holt said:

BristolBaron

Feel free to open the card and inside is a token of things to come

The rest of your packages will be despatched in due course.

Love your 2019 PHSS

So many emotions! But mostly fear
Thanks Santa, I’ll work from home the rest of the week

With no obvious sign of CIA agents outside I braved my way slower up the drive to the mailbox. I retrieved the mail - farmfoods junk mail and a small square envelope with a familiar mark on the back. Heading back down the drive there was a definite crinklyness to the envelope - this is a fate far worse than my pending arrest - glitter! The tape on the back confirmed my suspicions - I need to be ready..



Heading out to the utility, covering myself in full hazmat and preparing the surrounding areas for a blast I carefully opened the package, to come face to face with small quantities of very fine glitter and different weapons of ass distraction - willies!

Also enclosed and confirming the nationality of the attackers was payment for a future task I must now be liable for. I don’t know yet what I’ll need to do, but for such a significant sum, I better talk no more about it..



Thank you Santa, and damn you PH for sideways uploads!

[geeks]

bristolbaron said:

bristolbaron said:

Captain Raymond Holt said:

BristolBaron

Feel free to open the card and inside is a token of things to come

The rest of your packages will be despatched in due course.

Love your 2019 PHSS

So many emotions! But mostly fear
Thanks Santa, I’ll work from home the rest of the week

With no obvious sign of CIA agents outside I braved my way slower up the drive to the mailbox. I retrieved the mail - farmfoods junk mail and a small square envelope with a familiar mark on the back. Heading back down the drive there was a definite crinklyness to the envelope - this is a fate far worse than my pending arrest - glitter! The tape on the back confirmed my suspicions - I need to be ready..



Heading out to the utility, covering myself in full hazmat and preparing the surrounding areas for a blast I carefully opened the package, to come face to face with small quantities of very fine glitter and different weapons of ass distraction - willies!

Also enclosed and confirming the nationality of the attackers was payment for a future task I must now be liable for. I don’t know yet what I’ll need to do, but for such a significant sum, I better talk no more about it..



Thank you Santa, and damn you PH for sideways uploads!

[Captain Raymond Holt]

The Moose

Santa did a little night stalking and might have left a little PH love on your car....

[The Moose]

He certainly did.

Most concerning.

Sorry not to have posted sooner - I’ve been dialing up the security at the house given some strange fatty has been in my garage...

[Swampy1982]

Top stalking!

Please tell me the car was in a locked garage at the time...

[alorotom]

The Moose said:

He certainly did.

Most concerning.

Sorry not to have posted sooner - I’ve been dialing up the security at the house given some strange fatty has been in my garage...

I don't know if this is brilliance or concerning lol

[vixen1700]

alorotom said:

I don't know if this is brilliance or concerning lol

Both I'd say.

[geeks]

alorotom said:

The Moose said:

He certainly did.

Most concerning.

Sorry not to have posted sooner - I’ve been dialing up the security at the house given some strange fatty has been in my garage...

I don't know if this is brilliance or concerning lol

Even more so when I am pretty sure Moose lives in the US and a majority of participants are in the UK

[The Moose]

geeks said:

alorotom said:

The Moose said:

He certainly did.

Most concerning.

Sorry not to have posted sooner - I’ve been dialing up the security at the house given some strange fatty has been in my garage...

I don't know if this is brilliance or concerning lol

Even more so when I am pretty sure Moose lives in the US and a majority of participants are in the UK

You're correct. Locked garage over night.

TBH, it's pretty bold in USA (guns, anyone) and our big dog!

Imagine if I found one on my nightstand (bedside table if your not from the colonies)...

[geeks]

The Moose said:

geeks said:

alorotom said:

The Moose said:

He certainly did.

Most concerning.

Sorry not to have posted sooner - I’ve been dialing up the security at the house given some strange fatty has been in my garage...

I don't know if this is brilliance or concerning lol

Even more so when I am pretty sure Moose lives in the US and a majority of participants are in the UK

You're correct. Locked garage over night.

TBH, it's pretty bold in USA (guns, anyone) and our big dog!

Imagine if I found one on my nightstand (bedside table if your not from the colonies)...

Imagine if you found it on your nightstand inside a penis beaker!

[The Moose]

geeks said:

The Moose said:

geeks said:

alorotom said:

The Moose said:

He certainly did.

Most concerning.

Sorry not to have posted sooner - I’ve been dialing up the security at the house given some strange fatty has been in my garage...

I don't know if this is brilliance or concerning lol

Even more so when I am pretty sure Moose lives in the US and a majority of participants are in the UK

You're correct. Locked garage over night.

TBH, it's pretty bold in USA (guns, anyone) and our big dog!

Imagine if I found one on my nightstand (bedside table if your not from the colonies)...

Imagine if you found it on your nightstand inside a penis beaker!

You've read that mentalsnet thread this morning then?!

[geeks]

The Moose said:

geeks said:

The Moose said:

geeks said:

alorotom said:

The Moose said:

He certainly did.

Most concerning.

Sorry not to have posted sooner - I’ve been dialing up the security at the house given some strange fatty has been in my garage...

I don't know if this is brilliance or concerning lol

Even more so when I am pretty sure Moose lives in the US and a majority of participants are in the UK

You're correct. Locked garage over night.

TBH, it's pretty bold in USA (guns, anyone) and our big dog!

Imagine if I found one on my nightstand (bedside table if your not from the colonies)...

Imagine if you found it on your nightstand inside a penis beaker!

You've read that mentalsnet thread this morning then?!

Always read the mentalnet threads, they almost always deliver, the penis beaker will forever live in infamy!

[CrunkleFloop]

WTF is a Penis Beaker?


ETA: Don't worry I googled... and wished I hadn't

Edited by CrunkleFloop on Friday 6th December 15:17

[Master Bean]

For those who want a direct link.

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1875...