I think my girlfriend is a *****

[RammyMP]

I agree with your girlfriend to be honest, I have the same st every Christmas Day with the wife’s family, it all revolves around them and we have to fit in.

I know it’s only one day and all that but it gets on my tits. Last year we went on holiday for Christmas, just me, the wife and the kids, it was great!

[Jasandjules]

RammyMP said:

I agree with your girlfriend to be honest, I have the same st every Christmas Day with the wife’s family, it all revolves around them and we have to fit in.

This is a bit of a different situation though with a break up and kids involved surely? I mean, unless it happens every year....

[hotchy]

I get 1 day off a week. So this extra day I like to enjoy. Dinner must be early. Purely so I can enjoy a second dinner a few hours later. Then I'll sneak through at about 12 and get more left overs.

Last year it landed on my day off so I got no extra days off. But this year I do.. yasss.

Now I'm putting myself in your wife's shoes...
This year if I was being forced to inviting a sister n law I most likely dont like, that would delay dinner, ruining second dinner and 3rd sneaky dinner, I'd also be understandably annoyed. Also I'm not the most flexible. "Its Christmas dont be mean" etc etc. Well it is my christmas too.

Make a comprimise. Invite her, but in the invite state dinner will be at 2. If your late, use the microwave. Now leave me be, laying in beside my pile of food trying to crush every single morsel I possibly can fit.

I do miss simple Christmas as a kid. Open presents, get excited, play all day and get some food then go back to your brand new mega drive. Good times.

[anonymous-user]

Christmas is about family time. Once you get past the excitement of Santa coming, which does return when you have little ones, Christmas is about spending time with loved ones. It may be cramped, it may be manic but that's what it has to be for me. Easier as my wife and I are both from small families.

Think your partner is being a bit of a dick to be honest. Delay the meal a bit, set an extra place. Create a new tradition.

[scrubchub]

Lots of good advice - all taken on board. Plan of action is relatively simple - dinner won't be postponed. Sister (a nurse who finishes work at two and then an hour drive) won't be here much before four so can have Christmas lunch then, perfectly reheated in the microwave. Then a Christmas film and a Bailey's or whatever, kids play with toys and everyone goes home happy. I handle it so perfectly I get a couple of hours blessing to play video games while she puts the kids to bed. What could go wrong ?

[g3org3y]

scrubchub said:

I feel like I'm going mad here - surely the right thing to do is just to say of course and have her over?! If her sister was in the same situation then I wouldn't hesitate to say it was ok.

Surely a bit of empathy trumps a few practicalities with this one?

Or am I wrong?

I agree with you.

Does your gf not get on with your sister?

scrubchub said:

Lots of good advice - all taken on board. Plan of action is relatively simple - dinner won't be postponed. Sister (a nurse who finishes work at two and then an hour drive) won't be here much before four so can have Christmas lunch then, perfectly reheated in the microwave. Then a Christmas film and a Bailey's or whatever, kids play with toys and everyone goes home happy. I handle it so perfectly I get a couple of hours blessing to play video games while she puts the kids to bed. What could go wrong ?

I think that's a good compromise.

Your sister will just appreciate being around family, I don't think she would have expected you to delay the entire meal on her behalf.

[untakenname]

I don't think the gf is doing anything wrong, she probably doesn't want the mother in law round in the first place so to have to delay food so to eat it in the dark (no walk afterwards) takes the piss imo.
Wouldn't surprise me if she makes alternate plans or holds it over you throughout the whole festive season if she does have to change her plans.

[sjc]

scrubchub said:

67Dino said:

Sounds like your GF may be a bit of a perfectionist. Does she like things ‘just so’ and/or have a very clear sense of how things should be done? If so, it isn’t ‘meanness’, it’s a struggle with a strong inbuilt sense of duty to deliver your family the ‘right’ Xmas.

If so, an approach that might work would start with acknowledging that this does mean you will be sacrificing the Xmas you’d also prefer. However, point out to her you’d all be ‘doing the right thing’ by opening your house to someone who needs it at Xmas. That might just appeal to a higher sense of duty than the one she feels to make your family Xmas right.

But she may I tend to be mean to your sister. She may be trying (albeit in a misplaced way) to do right by you.

Good advice - thank you.

Indeed, an excellent post.
So much better than the “pics?” crap.

[RammyMP]

Jasandjules said:

RammyMP said:

I agree with your girlfriend to be honest, I have the same st every Christmas Day with the wife’s family, it all revolves around them and we have to fit in.

This is a bit of a different situation though with a break up and kids involved surely? I mean, unless it happens every year....

No, that’s the problem, before the SIL got divorced it was simple, everyone to the inlaws for lunch time. Then she got divorced, kids are at their dads one year, her place the next, now we have to factor in her new fella and his kids. But it is always the SIL that dictates what we all have to do.

[slopes]

IMHO the girlfriend has a point but is being unreasonable

[RammyMP]

RammyMP said:

Jasandjules said:

RammyMP said:

I agree with your girlfriend to be honest, I have the same st every Christmas Day with the wife’s family, it all revolves around them and we have to fit in.

This is a bit of a different situation though with a break up and kids involved surely? I mean, unless it happens every year....

No, that’s the problem, before the SIL got divorced it was simple, everyone to the inlaws for lunch time. Then she got divorced, kids are at their dads one year, her place the next, now we have to factor in her new fella and his kids. But it is always the SIL that dictates what we all have to do.

Sorry, just to add, I am a miserable bd!

[Peter911]

How much do you help at Christmas (and generally)

You might just be increasing her workload.

Offer to do all the cooking and preperation and see if that makes a difference.

Its not easy

[r159]

Get her ‘round but on proviso first sign of bubbling over ex she’s down the road.

‘Looking forward’ to sort of similar situation ish this Christmas but I get to escape to work Christmas Day night...

But for goodness sake don’t put on Band Aid or she’ll be in tatters

[ruggedscotty]

you like with your gf, its your house along with her, she has probably had loads of plans and worked through this and sorted it out...

However mid November aint the time to go and change things.... bad crack for your maw to be doing this, and it looks like she is being heavy handed in doing so, world in your world revolves round you and yours not yer maw.....

accommodate where you can but don't go changing the goalposts, have your meal with your family at the agreed time and you can always have a few sandwiches all ready to serve when your mother comes in, cant please them all cream ducked if you do and if you don't....

[anonymous-user]

r159 said:

But for goodness sake don’t put on Band Aid or she’ll be in tatters

Or last Christmas!

[greygoose]

You are assuming that your sister will want to come after her shift at work, she may just want to go home and put her feet up, though going to your house and seeing you and your girlfriend having a row may cheer her up that she is better off being single.

[rossub]

El stovey said:

Bed thread title ever. I obviously assumed you’d discovered something a bit more titillating than this about your partner though.

Yeah it’s like insert your own word here. I assumed it was we tbh

[The Moose]

So much for Christmas being the time for giving!

Tales like this make me so thankful for my wife.

[Baldchap]

Kev_Mk3 said:

TEKNOPUG said:

Pretty difficult without photos.

Of the sister or the partner?

Yes.

[rfisher]

Word of advice;

Run.

Run fast.

Run faster.

There isn't a winnable option for you here.

You're best bet is to leave them all to sort it out between them.

Does you GF get on with your mother?

I'd be working on that angle initially.

What does your sister actually want to do on Xmas day?

Get your mother to ask her.

Whatever you do will be wrong with at least one of them.

On the day hit the brandy early and stay in the kitchen cooking.

Enjoy!