Best approach?

Best approach?

Author
Discussion

Lookin4Clues

Original Poster:

7 posts

12 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
I find myself back here under a pseudonym. This request bears no relation at all to any previous post by me.

In the full expectation of receiving a barrage of MTFU, grow a pair, dominate, etc etc responses, I have a question.

The missus seems to have befriended the local loony. She's vaguely known him several years but via a mutual connection he's recently decided that she's his counsellor & confidante. This manifests as him turning up at the house on a regular basis. Up until now she's wanted to "help" him so she lets him in and feeds him tea and biscuits while he rants.

This guy runs his own one-man business but he's seriously unhinged. He's also a complete stoner (by his own admission) and seemingly can't function properly without a smoke.

He's got into a dispute with someone over a job which he's decided he wasn't paid properly for (nothing to do with us) and keeps turning up and re-telling the story and restating what he's going to do about it. I've always been of the view that someone who shouts and raves about what they are going to do to someone, won't actually see it through. His current list of threats against his debtor range from killing their kids to poisoning their dogs. It's said that with one person who he perceived to have wronged him in the past, the "offender" had a bag put over his head, was driven in a van, then marched into the woods with a shovel and a shotgun, and told to dig his own grave. Once the grave was dug and the victim had (literally) shat himself, our subject walked away and left him there (alive). No idea whether that's real or a figment of his warped mind. Probably the latter if he's talking about it.

I've offered him some simple straightforward advice on how to deal with his financial issue (it really isn't a big deal and probably all stems from a misunderstanding) but if you suggest he does anything other than what he thinks right himself, he just gets a face like thunder on and refuses to do anything different.

I'm sick of the sight of this bloke and I want to tell him, and have no problem with that, to do one on a permanent basis. I don't want him anywhere near the house. However, the missus is concerned that if I do that he'll turn his possibly-violent tendencies in on us and our family, and she wants me to keep quiet until he gets bored and goes away. He knows I'm out for 12 hours a day, too, that's usually when he turns up.

Sorry to disappoint the 40 year old virgins amongst you but theres no issue with him trying to get into the missus' knickers, he bats for the other team.

So, what is the way forward here?


Skyedriver

8,799 posts

230 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
It's said that with one person who he perceived to have wronged him in the past, the "offender" had a bag put over his head, was driven in a van, then marched into the woods with a shovel and a shotgun, and told to dig his own grave. Once the grave was dug and the victim had (literally) shat himself, our subject walked away and left him there (alive). No idea whether that's real or a figment of his warped mind. Probably the latter if he's talking about it.

Stolen from an Ian Rankin book.
I'll check which one if you like

bigandclever

9,453 posts

186 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
Lookin4Clues said:
I find myself back here under a pseudonym. This request bears no relation at all to any previous post by me.
Yeah, yeah, who was the helmeted arsonist? Is it the same loon?

Sheets Tabuer

15,189 posts

163 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
Well, i'm not sure about todays world but in the world i grew up in the man of the house would have told him to fk off.

Thales

226 posts

5 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
Sheets Tabuer said:
Well, i'm not sure about todays world but in the world i grew up in the man of the house would have told him to fk off.
This. Grow some bks OP.

Lookin4Clues

Original Poster:

7 posts

12 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
bigandclever said:
Lookin4Clues said:
I find myself back here under a pseudonym. This request bears no relation at all to any previous post by me.
Yeah, yeah, who was the helmeted arsonist? Is it the same loon?
lol, that post genuinely was "for a friend". It was pretty serious to be fair. It got as far as police forensics and because they couldn't nail anything down it went NFA.


Sheets Tabuer said:
Well, i'm not sure about todays world but in the world i grew up in the man of the house would have told him to fk off.
Which is precisely my intention but she's worried that he's unhinged enough that it'll backfire. And I'm 30 miles away at work every day. Then again given the Rankin revelation above ( I had no knowledge of that, not that I particularly believed it anyway, seems too far fetched) then maybe all he does need is a double dose fk off pill.

Lookin4Clues

Original Poster:

7 posts

12 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
Thales said:
Sheets Tabuer said:
Well, i'm not sure about todays world but in the world i grew up in the man of the house would have told him to fk off.
This. Grow some bks OP.
Thanks for slotting so neatly into a PH stereotype (whoever you used to be thumbup)

Sheets Tabuer

15,189 posts

163 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
Lookin4Clues said:
Which is precisely my intention but she's worried that he's unhinged enough that it'll backfire. And I'm 30 miles away at work every day. Then again given the Rankin revelation above ( I had no knowledge of that, not that I particularly believed it anyway, seems too far fetched) then maybe all he does need is a double dose fk off pill.
I'm sure it will be fine, if he gets funny ring the old bill, he's attaching himself to your mrs, sort it out before he's wearing your face and calling himself your name biggrin

Steamer

11,404 posts

161 months

Monday 18th November
quotequote all
What does this guy actually do for a living - if he's such a stoner / unhinged... I'm amazed he can perform an actual service that someone would employ him for in the first place.

Douglas Quaid

657 posts

33 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
It might be that he’s trying to shag you up the anus and thinks telling you stories about beating people up etc is going to get him closer to his goal. The only real way forward is to let him have your arse. Hopefully afterwards he’ll lose interest. Whatever you do, don’t push back as it might make him more keen.

alorotom

7,205 posts

135 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
sounds like a fantasist and serial exaggerator ... I would be telling him to leave and never darken the door again

However, as he knows when you are out he probably will still come round harass the Mrs, so she really needs to say it too.

MYOB

2,743 posts

86 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
No offence to the OP, but where are the men of this world?

CrunkleFloop

384 posts

193 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
So..

- Your wife befriended the looney,

- The looney has become an annoying looney.

- Your wants you to sort out the issue with the looney.....that she created?

I say invite him over for Christmas, tis the season for giving. xmas

Or tell him he really needs to sort it out his own way and not involve you both. Deal with the repercussions (there won't be any, he's all mouth and stoners are not generally violent) and tell your wife Don't invite nutcases into the house again!



red_slr

9,553 posts

137 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
Move house, pretty simple really. You may need to repeat this several times until the problem goes away.

JuniorD

6,792 posts

171 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
Lookin4Clues said:
Sorry to disappoint the 40 year old virgins amongst you but theres no issue with him trying to get into the missus' knickers, he bats for the other team.
He may be gay but your missus might still want to suck his wab? Gay men can have quite the sex drive, he'd hardly say no.

elanfan

3,851 posts

175 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
JuniorD said:
Lookin4Clues said:
Sorry to disappoint the 40 year old virgins amongst you but theres no issue with him trying to get into the missus' knickers, he bats for the other team.
He may be gay but your missus might still want to suck his wab? Gay men can have quite the sex drive, he'd hardly say no.
You seem to know a lot about this!

paulguitar

3,921 posts

61 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
Lookin4Clues said:
In the full expectation of receiving a barrage of MTFU, grow a pair, dominate, etc etc responses,
And as expected, PH is delivering the full quota of internet hardmen!




Sir Lord Harold

65 posts

1 month

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
I might be one of the 'virgins' you're referring to. How would a virgin deal with it? First I'd tell your unwelcome guest to leave politely, then escalate if neccesary - plan B 'FrO', plan C physical ejection if necessary.

That's how virgins deal with problems, like men.

R Mutt

1,451 posts

20 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
A female friend had a needy fantasist ex colleague who later turned into a stalker. Fascinating but disturbing area of psychology.

R Mutt

1,451 posts

20 months

Tuesday 19th November
quotequote all
Skyedriver said:
It's said that with one person who he perceived to have wronged him in the past, the "offender" had a bag put over his head, was driven in a van, then marched into the woods with a shovel and a shotgun, and told to dig his own grave. Once the grave was dug and the victim had (literally) shat himself, our subject walked away and left him there (alive). No idea whether that's real or a figment of his warped mind. Probably the latter if he's talking about it.

Stolen from an Ian Rankin book.
I'll check which one if you like
I'm sure a lot of ideas have been borrowed from Mario Puzo, and carried out.