Marriage - or not?
Discussion
Although I like the idea of living happily ever after - I am also aware that by signing a bit of paper, I'm giving 50% of my assets to somebody I've known a couple of years. And whilst not rich - I'm happier with all my assets than half of them. Obviously that's only a concern if you don't live happily ever after.
I know that you're supposed to be so in love that all you can see is visions of skipping through meadows hand in hand, but...... I'm curious about opinions. Am I just a selfish git?
Also, I'm curious about timescales. Apparently, at my age (~50) there is a deadline for how long you're allowed to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" rather than fiance?
I know that you're supposed to be so in love that all you can see is visions of skipping through meadows hand in hand, but...... I'm curious about opinions. Am I just a selfish git?
Also, I'm curious about timescales. Apparently, at my age (~50) there is a deadline for how long you're allowed to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" rather than fiance?
Jasandjules said:
Do you want to be with this person? Have kids?
Kids aren't an issue - she has two adult (early 20s) ones, I don't have any and don't want any. Although they are a bit of an issue, since one of them moved home since we started dating.Yes, I want to be with her - but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to get married. However, it seems my decision time is up.
Hopefully this can be a balanced & reasoned debate about a difficult topic. In essence I would feel the need to discuss this in a mature, sensible & logical manner with the lady in question, but of course we’re dealing with emotions of which rarely results in a logical conclusion.
The real problem are the vagaries of humans. Few start out in any relationship with the intention of it going wrong, the odds are stacked against. Unless you’re very unusual at your age you’re unlikely not to have had a significant relationship go wrong, & then see the consequences. Only you can decide if you’re willing to risk the financial element.
The real problem are the vagaries of humans. Few start out in any relationship with the intention of it going wrong, the odds are stacked against. Unless you’re very unusual at your age you’re unlikely not to have had a significant relationship go wrong, & then see the consequences. Only you can decide if you’re willing to risk the financial element.
I got married in 2008 after saying it didn't interest me. Happy to do it in the end and thought I was with her for life.
Divorced in 2012.
Now with another lady who keeps making noises about getting married (we met in 2012/13). I have told her it's not important to me. We have bought a house together, why get a piece of paper to make it 'official'?
I think she just wants a party though TBH. I'm not happy to spend £5k on one though!
Divorced in 2012.
Now with another lady who keeps making noises about getting married (we met in 2012/13). I have told her it's not important to me. We have bought a house together, why get a piece of paper to make it 'official'?
I think she just wants a party though TBH. I'm not happy to spend £5k on one though!
Cotty said:
davek_964 said:
Yes, I want to be with her - but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to get married. However, it seems my decision time is up.
You think she will leave you if you don't get married, doesn't sound very committed to you in that case. If you're with the right person, none of the concerns you've listed will matter a jot.
If you enter into marriage with the weight of preserving your material and financial wealth hanging over you, then its unlikely your marriage would survive.
As with many things in life, if the decision is 'light' it's 'right'.
Many marriages do end in divorce but the trick is to get married on the assumption that yours won't.
If you enter into marriage with the weight of preserving your material and financial wealth hanging over you, then its unlikely your marriage would survive.
As with many things in life, if the decision is 'light' it's 'right'.
Many marriages do end in divorce but the trick is to get married on the assumption that yours won't.
No need to be married these days, and little point really. Far too many downsides for the guys when, after a few years, the female decides she wants someone different. Everyone thinks that they are blissfully happy and it couldn't happen to them...........but it does.
Just weigh up all the benefits (probably rather few) against all the likely problems after a while (probably rather a lot) and you should have a clear answer.
Just weigh up all the benefits (probably rather few) against all the likely problems after a while (probably rather a lot) and you should have a clear answer.
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