Marriage - or not?
Discussion
Muzzer79 said:
If you're purely concerned about financial assets and potentially losing them, suggest a pre-nup?
Diplomatically of course.....
I often wonder how one can ever have a diplomatic conversation about entering a pre-nup. "I trust you with all my heart and want to be with you forever, except I harbour some doubts and we might not be". Diplomatically of course.....
Has anyone got any tales of how they approached the subject and it didn't get met with an adverse reaction? Genuinely interested.
davek_964 said:
Also, I'm curious about timescales. Apparently, at my age (~50) there is a deadline for how long you're allowed to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" rather than fiance?
After a shock divorce by my parents when they hit 60ish.... my mum is now with her 'partner'. Given both of them are in their 60's I don't think either of them would ever use the term boyfriend/ girlfriend so it's really just semantics? I also don't think either of them have the appetite to get married (they do live together) and just seem to have a really good, healthy relationship. The flipside is my dad who despite instigating the divorce as he didn't want to be tied down in retirement got re-married fairly quickly afterwards. All manor of issues around wills to ensure the assets each brought in to the marriage go out to their respective children and timescales as to how quickly one would have to move around the marital home when one dies. Just seems like a huge amount of effort really for a bit of paper and I wouldn't say he's happy.
The only circumstances where I'd consider marriage is where it was looking like I was toast and I'd want to secure my long term partner's future, provided I actually liked them.
Other than that if someone told me it was marriage or the highway, the highway would be beckoning.
Other than that if someone told me it was marriage or the highway, the highway would be beckoning.
Shnozz said:
I often wonder how one can ever have a diplomatic conversation about entering a pre-nup. "I trust you with all my heart and want to be with you forever, except I harbour some doubts and we might not be".
Has anyone got any tales of how they approached the subject and it didn't get met with an adverse reaction? Genuinely interested.
I thought British courts were free to discard them. Has anyone got any tales of how they approached the subject and it didn't get met with an adverse reaction? Genuinely interested.
Yes, she has a job.
She's said she'd happily sign a pre-nup - although I thought they had no legal standing. If her assets were in her name - which I would insist on before doing anything anyway - they probably equal mine, or maybe are more.
Yes, it's the lady who persuaded me to change cars. However, she's actually very supportive of the amount of time and money I spend on cars.
She's said she'd happily sign a pre-nup - although I thought they had no legal standing. If her assets were in her name - which I would insist on before doing anything anyway - they probably equal mine, or maybe are more.
Yes, it's the lady who persuaded me to change cars. However, she's actually very supportive of the amount of time and money I spend on cars.
davek_964 said:
She's said she'd happily sign a pre-nup - although I thought they had no legal standing. If her assets were in her name - which I would insist on before doing anything anyway - they probably equal mine, or maybe are more.
So if you have equal assets, whether the pre-nup is enforceable or not, you're not going to lose 50% of what you have if you break up?Take some legal advice on the pre-nup, rather than internet advice, if indeed it's the financial side that's bothering you?
bloomen said:
I thought British courts were free to discard them.
They are. But it assists in listing (agreed) pre-marital assets of any value and also the intent of the parties at that stage. Clearly the longer the marriage goes on and that departs from the pre-nup it becomes less relevant and if children come along then it has even less relevance. I was advised that for a pre-nup to hold much weight it would need to be proved beyond doubt that both parties understood it very clearly, took legal advice independently and also that there would be little point in signing one just before the marriage as either party may feel compelled to “sign anything” to go ahead with the planned marriage - as if they were signing under duress I suppose. It ought to be done further in advance rather than as an afterthought.
I’m any case it would only serve as an advisory statement for the court indicating intentions, as somebody said above, and isn’t binding in any way.
My 2nd wife insisted I should have one written up because I suppose she wanted to prove to me that she wasn’t marrying for money. Taking the above points in, I didn’t feel it would make much of a difference to anything anyway and declined, and also wanted to show my trust.
After the way my first marriage ended some may say I was foolish but I’m perfectly happy with the decision I made and stand by it.
I’m any case it would only serve as an advisory statement for the court indicating intentions, as somebody said above, and isn’t binding in any way.
My 2nd wife insisted I should have one written up because I suppose she wanted to prove to me that she wasn’t marrying for money. Taking the above points in, I didn’t feel it would make much of a difference to anything anyway and declined, and also wanted to show my trust.
After the way my first marriage ended some may say I was foolish but I’m perfectly happy with the decision I made and stand by it.
vixen1700 said:
Sounds like you've got some concerns about getting married.
That's not a good way to go into it, so I reckon marriage may not be for you.
no male with more money than his partner ever went into a marriage expecting it to fail. That's not a good way to go into it, so I reckon marriage may not be for you.
But 42% of them were wrong (current UK divorce rates), so it'd be pretty foolish to charge into a marriage with significant disparity in assets/potential income/inheritances without giving some serious thought as to what happens if you're in there 42 instead of the 58.
Muzzer79 said:
davek_964 said:
She's said she'd happily sign a pre-nup - although I thought they had no legal standing. If her assets were in her name - which I would insist on before doing anything anyway - they probably equal mine, or maybe are more.
So if you have equal assets, whether the pre-nup is enforceable or not, you're not going to lose 50% of what you have if you break up?Take some legal advice on the pre-nup, rather than internet advice, if indeed it's the financial side that's bothering you?
If you marry and you sell your house then where will your money go? Into a joint account? To get spent over the next few years by you both?
Or the other way round for her.
If you question the idea of marriage then don't do it.
I've been married and divorced and I'm now in a happy civil partnership but with a lot less assets. But I'm content.
magooagain said:
Muzzer79 said:
davek_964 said:
She's said she'd happily sign a pre-nup - although I thought they had no legal standing. If her assets were in her name - which I would insist on before doing anything anyway - they probably equal mine, or maybe are more.
So if you have equal assets, whether the pre-nup is enforceable or not, you're not going to lose 50% of what you have if you break up?Take some legal advice on the pre-nup, rather than internet advice, if indeed it's the financial side that's bothering you?
If you marry and you sell your house then where will your money go? Into a joint account? To get spent over the next few years by you both?
Or the other way round for her.
If you question the idea of marriage then don't do it.
I've been married and divorced and I'm now in a happy civil partnership but with a lot less assets. But I'm content.
The expectation is that I would sell my house and buy partly into hers so it was partially joint. Her house is worth significantly more than mine - but that's partly because I am not interested in property and have never wanted a big house. I wouldn't want to suddenly sink all of my assets into a house I never wanted.
StevieBee said:
If you're with the right person, none of the concerns you've listed will matter a jot.
If you enter into marriage with the weight of preserving your material and financial wealth hanging over you, then its unlikely your marriage would survive.
As with many things in life, if the decision is 'light' it's 'right'.
Many marriages do end in divorce but the trick is to get married on the assumption that yours won't.
^This If you enter into marriage with the weight of preserving your material and financial wealth hanging over you, then its unlikely your marriage would survive.
As with many things in life, if the decision is 'light' it's 'right'.
Many marriages do end in divorce but the trick is to get married on the assumption that yours won't.
Your soul mate, your lover,your confidant, the person who makes you happy,her warmth and her comfort,the woman you would take a bullet for, the woman you would nurse to the end
or
Your money?
Maybe you should see how keen she is when you show her this thread?
bristolracer said:
^This
Your soul mate, your lover,your confidant, the person who makes you happy,her warmth and her comfort,the woman you would take a bullet for, the woman you would nurse to the end
or
Your money?
Maybe you should see how keen she is when you show her this thread?
She wouldn't learn anything new. She is aware of my concernsYour soul mate, your lover,your confidant, the person who makes you happy,her warmth and her comfort,the woman you would take a bullet for, the woman you would nurse to the end
or
Your money?
Maybe you should see how keen she is when you show her this thread?
OK, to add some balance (and get flamed by the cynical 
)
I got married after knowing her for 4yrs. I did it the old fashioned way, never lived together, got married, wnet on honeymoon and the day we returned moved into a rented place together. Frankly it was the most exiting period of my life
My view was you have to go "all in", no half measures of co-habiting, co-parenting, pre-nups (not that I had anything back then), etc.
Thankfully we're still together
otherwise no doubt I'd have a different view.............
)I got married after knowing her for 4yrs. I did it the old fashioned way, never lived together, got married, wnet on honeymoon and the day we returned moved into a rented place together. Frankly it was the most exiting period of my life
My view was you have to go "all in", no half measures of co-habiting, co-parenting, pre-nups (not that I had anything back then), etc.
Thankfully we're still together
otherwise no doubt I'd have a different view.............Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff