Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
t from an a
Not a joke, but a conversation on board ship, relating to the job of sprucing up the Fire Equipment locker which is the 2nd Mate's area of responsibility:
Female 2nd Officer "The Cadet did a really good job of painting my locker last night"
Cadet "It's surprising how big it is"
Totally without any trace of awareness of the euphemistic quality that had me choke on my coffee!
Female 2nd Officer "The Cadet did a really good job of painting my locker last night"
Cadet "It's surprising how big it is"
Totally without any trace of awareness of the euphemistic quality that had me choke on my coffee!
Stick Legs said:
Not a joke, but a conversation on board ship, relating to the job of sprucing up the Fire Equipment locker which is the 2nd Mate's area of responsibility:
Female 2nd Officer "The Cadet did a really good job of painting my locker last night"
Cadet "It's surprising how big it is"
Totally without any trace of awareness of the euphemistic quality that had me choke on my coffee!
Q....What's got sticky legs?Female 2nd Officer "The Cadet did a really good job of painting my locker last night"
Cadet "It's surprising how big it is"
Totally without any trace of awareness of the euphemistic quality that had me choke on my coffee!
A....The previous poster
BOOM
Two American Tourists were driving through Wales. At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
they stopped for lunch.
They sat at a table and a young waitress came to take their order. "Before we order said one of the tourists,
I wonder if you could settle an argument for us Ma'am"....
"Can you pronounce where we are very,very very slowly?"..
The young waitress leaned over and said "Burrr....Gurrr...King."
they stopped for lunch.
They sat at a table and a young waitress came to take their order. "Before we order said one of the tourists,
I wonder if you could settle an argument for us Ma'am"....
"Can you pronounce where we are very,very very slowly?"..
The young waitress leaned over and said "Burrr....Gurrr...King."
What do Meghan Markle and Prince Andrew have in common?
Nothing. One is a bullish, narcissistic Poundland Royal with ties to highly questionable individuals; a terrible actor who has thus-far evaded scrutiny for alleged corruption / impropriety scandals, and denounced their dubious international relationships and accusations of indecency by working exclusively with sympathetic broadcasters.
The other is Prince Andrew.
Nothing. One is a bullish, narcissistic Poundland Royal with ties to highly questionable individuals; a terrible actor who has thus-far evaded scrutiny for alleged corruption / impropriety scandals, and denounced their dubious international relationships and accusations of indecency by working exclusively with sympathetic broadcasters.
The other is Prince Andrew.
An old man woke up to celebrate his 92nd birthday.
He spoke to his toes. He said, “Hello toes! How are you? You know,
you’re 92 today.
Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon?
The times, we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!”
“Hello, knees,” he continued. “How are you? You know you’re 92
today.
Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember when we marched in the military parade? Oh, the hurdles we’ve run and jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees.”
Then, he looked down at his crotch. “Hello Pee Wee Willie, you little bugger.
Dammit, Just thinking out loud, if you were alive today, you’d be 92.”
He spoke to his toes. He said, “Hello toes! How are you? You know,
you’re 92 today.
Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon?
The times, we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!”
“Hello, knees,” he continued. “How are you? You know you’re 92
today.
Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember when we marched in the military parade? Oh, the hurdles we’ve run and jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees.”
Then, he looked down at his crotch. “Hello Pee Wee Willie, you little bugger.
Dammit, Just thinking out loud, if you were alive today, you’d be 92.”
Came across this old joke by Dave Allen, hadn't seen it before, thought I would share.
A nun gets out of bed, walks down the corridor, the first nun she sees says "Have you got out of the bed the wrong side this morning?” She ignores her colleague.
Thereafter every nun she passes says the same thing. "Have you got out of bed on the wrong side this morning? "
Then the Mother Superior calls the nun into her office.
The nun says “Look Mother, I am really annoyed about everyone saying that I have got out of bed the wrong side . I hope you aren't going to say the same thing"
The Mother Superior said "No I am not going to say that, but why are you wearing the bishop's shoes ? "
A nun gets out of bed, walks down the corridor, the first nun she sees says "Have you got out of the bed the wrong side this morning?” She ignores her colleague.
Thereafter every nun she passes says the same thing. "Have you got out of bed on the wrong side this morning? "
Then the Mother Superior calls the nun into her office.
The nun says “Look Mother, I am really annoyed about everyone saying that I have got out of bed the wrong side . I hope you aren't going to say the same thing"
The Mother Superior said "No I am not going to say that, but why are you wearing the bishop's shoes ? "
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