Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white.”
"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white.”
Evangelion said:
I've been in the garage all afternoon, sticking sequins all over the Transit.
Well I always wanted a camper van.
Speaking of Ford Transits.Well I always wanted a camper van.
Went out with a new woman last week, I knew she was hot from the word go. On the way to the restaurant she said:
"Park the van, I want you now"
I said I wanted some chips but she was having none of it.
We got in the back and started and then she said,
"Hurt me, do it now"
I said,
"I dont think much of your shoes!
"No really hurt me, smack me,"
I smacked her arse a couple of times but it wasnt having the desired effect.
"Whip me, please whip me"
I looked in the back of the van, just a bucket and a sponge, didnt think that would do the job.
Then I had a brainwave, I reached outside, unscrewed the aerial and brought it in the back.
"Whats that for" she said.
"Well its not for Just a Minute" I said.
I rolled her over and laid into her arse, I took no mercy and it had more lines than Clapham Junction.
She bloody loved it.
Anyway, fast forward to this morning and she calls me
"The lines on my bum didnt heal, I have been to the doctors"
"What did they say?"
"He said it was the worse case of vanaerial disease he had ever seen"
Vipers said:
glenrobbo said:
Vipers said:
A few will get this one
——————————-
I’ve got hermes.
You mean herpes
No, I'm a carrier.
Aircraft or pigeon? ——————————-
I’ve got hermes.
You mean herpes
No, I'm a carrier.
I suppose Hermes have parrots for that?
Vipers said:
Royal Navy Aircraft carrier, common joke in the navy, hence I said a few will get it.
At the risk of a few more kittens, there was another Hermes:https://www.google.com/search?q=images+of+handley+...
And that's not including the Wing'd Messenger of the Gods.
Edited by glenrobbo on Monday 24th February 22:44
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