Are you turning into your Dad?
Discussion
My father had some good qualities but outweighed by significant flaws. He died some time back. Can’t say I miss him. I almost screwed up my life - he and my mother contributed to that and/or were no help. Fortunately I managed to turn it all around when I met my wife. I am a bit envious of people who have parents that they can look up to.
Although I expect I can’t escape my father’s shadow completely - some behaviours and characteristics will be genetically inherited - I strive to be as different from him as possible. When I look at the relationship I have with my wife and daughter I think I have mainly succeeded.
Although I expect I can’t escape my father’s shadow completely - some behaviours and characteristics will be genetically inherited - I strive to be as different from him as possible. When I look at the relationship I have with my wife and daughter I think I have mainly succeeded.
Probably will at some point, but we’ve taken different paths to get there...especially with having a family. I have spent far more time with my son, than my father did with me due to his work/career.
Had experiences we wish each other could have had and others that we’re glad we didn’t.
We’ve never lived so close, see each other every couple of days even over the last 12 months which has been a good thing. We have different interests but can appreciate each other’s.
The biggest regret I have was listening to him about the choice of A levels I took, it caused me a lot of problems, fortunately it didn’t stop me getting on but it was a close thing. Academically he was brighter than me, I was/am a lot more practical (think scientist versus engineer).
Had experiences we wish each other could have had and others that we’re glad we didn’t.
We’ve never lived so close, see each other every couple of days even over the last 12 months which has been a good thing. We have different interests but can appreciate each other’s.
The biggest regret I have was listening to him about the choice of A levels I took, it caused me a lot of problems, fortunately it didn’t stop me getting on but it was a close thing. Academically he was brighter than me, I was/am a lot more practical (think scientist versus engineer).
Edited by r159 on Sunday 18th April 20:39
NWTony said:
You don't get male pattern baldness from your father, you get it from your mother. You need to look at your mum's brothers to see how bald you will go.
My mother had two brothers, one as bald as a coot from an early age and the other a full head of hair until he died in his late 80's.From your theory I should look like either Michael Heseltine a mohican or Keith Flint
NWTony said:
You don't get male pattern baldness from your father, you get it from your mother. You need to look at your mum's brothers to see how bald you will go.
Mum's only got one brother and I haven't seen him for many years. Both of my (half) brothers have male pattern baldness, however. Maybe mine comes from my maternal grandparents? Either way, family history is largely by-the-by. Dad has it, I have it, ergo I am slowly but surely turning into him.I definitely picked up my Dad's engineering and practical capabilities, although I would say that I am not quite as good as him - he built the extension on our house when he was 23 and just moved over from another country in the early 1980s. He was (still is) a skilled mechanic, but I can do onboard diagnostics far better than him as that's where my interest with computers converges with cars.
The difference between us though is that a) I earn infinitely more than he ever did, so I can easily pay to get something done and b) I am of the first belief that if there is a specific tool to do a job, I'll get it - and also we live in a time where I can basically get anything I need delivered cheaply in a couple of days. 1980s motors factors in South Wales were likely less well stocked, and your only major option was likely the exorbitant snap-on man. If he could find a way to change a clutch using only a spoon, he would.
Anyway, where we differ is that I believe that I tend to think more critically than him (having grown up with the internet and taken an interest with it, and understanding the need to sift through all the s
t thats out there), and he has strong political views which also bleed into strong conspiracy beliefs - covid has emphasised this, and his lack of a social circle probably narrows his views on topics. I can also debate better than him, although I can be guilty of his "this is my opinion, therefore it's correct" mannerisms.
I also has a pretty strict upbringing from him, and it's something that I specifically want to be better at than he was - whilst I managed my Dad, he also made me feel that I always need to keep him and my mother arms length. Like others above, I was also heavily pushed into doing studies that I didn't want to (at A Level) and I "rebelled" by actually doing what I wanted and largely got me the career I (think!) I wanted.
The difference between us though is that a) I earn infinitely more than he ever did, so I can easily pay to get something done and b) I am of the first belief that if there is a specific tool to do a job, I'll get it - and also we live in a time where I can basically get anything I need delivered cheaply in a couple of days. 1980s motors factors in South Wales were likely less well stocked, and your only major option was likely the exorbitant snap-on man. If he could find a way to change a clutch using only a spoon, he would.
Anyway, where we differ is that I believe that I tend to think more critically than him (having grown up with the internet and taken an interest with it, and understanding the need to sift through all the s
t thats out there), and he has strong political views which also bleed into strong conspiracy beliefs - covid has emphasised this, and his lack of a social circle probably narrows his views on topics. I can also debate better than him, although I can be guilty of his "this is my opinion, therefore it's correct" mannerisms.I also has a pretty strict upbringing from him, and it's something that I specifically want to be better at than he was - whilst I managed my Dad, he also made me feel that I always need to keep him and my mother arms length. Like others above, I was also heavily pushed into doing studies that I didn't want to (at A Level) and I "rebelled" by actually doing what I wanted and largely got me the career I (think!) I wanted.
Edited by devnull on Monday 19th April 12:23
Very interesting reading the replies.
I find that I'm one of the lucky ones when I look back at my dad.
He died nearly 11 years ago at 92 and had some amazing experiences for someone whose Junior School teacher had used him to demonstrate to his class mates the typical, narrow forehead, traits of a dim witted boy. (Yes, teachers could be quite cruel in the 1920's)
He enjoyed WW2, blowing bridges in Brussels to slow the German advance, drinking Absinthe in North Africa, jumping out of a plane at Arnheim.
He was a designer at RR, Jag, AC, Jenson and was also on one of the Bluebird projects among many other things.
When I look in the mirror, I am seeing more and more of my dad.
The hair growing out of my ears.
The body shape
And as mentioned, the "shut that door, you weren't born in a barn".
I find that I'm one of the lucky ones when I look back at my dad.
He died nearly 11 years ago at 92 and had some amazing experiences for someone whose Junior School teacher had used him to demonstrate to his class mates the typical, narrow forehead, traits of a dim witted boy. (Yes, teachers could be quite cruel in the 1920's)
He enjoyed WW2, blowing bridges in Brussels to slow the German advance, drinking Absinthe in North Africa, jumping out of a plane at Arnheim.
He was a designer at RR, Jag, AC, Jenson and was also on one of the Bluebird projects among many other things.
When I look in the mirror, I am seeing more and more of my dad.
The hair growing out of my ears.
The body shape
And as mentioned, the "shut that door, you weren't born in a barn".
Edited by so called on Thursday 17th June 09:05
I'm not, but my brother certainly is. He has now started hording any left over building materials from work as they "might come in useful".
Years ago my dad bought a Robin Hood unfinished kit car from eBay and left it under a tarpaulin on the drive. He then spent three years buying bits on eBay and travelling all over the country to collect them. In all that time he did not even place a single spanner on the car and we sold it on when my mother finally lost her patience.
My brother recently travelled half way across the country to collect a mini shell that has been left untouched in his garage for a year. He has been buying loads of bits for this car on eBay, but in all that time he hasn't even looked at the car. When he first bought it there was some bare metal on the shell that I told him to put some primer on that he didn't bother to do.
I am actually completely the opposite, I throw anything away that is not useful and I absolutely hate spending money.
Years ago my dad bought a Robin Hood unfinished kit car from eBay and left it under a tarpaulin on the drive. He then spent three years buying bits on eBay and travelling all over the country to collect them. In all that time he did not even place a single spanner on the car and we sold it on when my mother finally lost her patience.
My brother recently travelled half way across the country to collect a mini shell that has been left untouched in his garage for a year. He has been buying loads of bits for this car on eBay, but in all that time he hasn't even looked at the car. When he first bought it there was some bare metal on the shell that I told him to put some primer on that he didn't bother to do.
I am actually completely the opposite, I throw anything away that is not useful and I absolutely hate spending money.
Having to start plucking my monobrow and curly eyebrows
My tolerance for and ability to detect bullst are on opposing trajectories
I've also recently been called 'last word Jackson' which I've only ever heard directed at him before
Only two things left are to run a successful business and to walk around the garden on a weekend, doing jobs while wearing an old check shirt, leather gillet, baggy underpants and a pair of clapped out walking boots
That said my DIY skills overtook his about 10 years ago so I'm hoping for the jobs to be done to a higher standard
My tolerance for and ability to detect bulls
t are on opposing trajectoriesI've also recently been called 'last word Jackson' which I've only ever heard directed at him before
Only two things left are to run a successful business and to walk around the garden on a weekend, doing jobs while wearing an old check shirt, leather gillet, baggy underpants and a pair of clapped out walking boots
That said my DIY skills overtook his about 10 years ago so I'm hoping for the jobs to be done to a higher standard
I'd very much like to be proud of my dad. Before I was born, and for my first six years or so, he had a successful career and genuinely made measurable contributions to the advancement of the human race, both positive and perhaps negative.
Subsequent promotion into a job he possessed neither the desire nor the skills to do turned him into a different person, and his denial about the effects of alcohol and unmanaged diabetes ultimately killed him.
I didn't mourn his passing and I don't miss him. I doubt many would say otherwise.
I decided never to have children, because I feared that if I did, unavoidably, turn into my dad, I wouldn't want any child to have such a disfunctional relationship with somebody who should have been better.
Subsequent promotion into a job he possessed neither the desire nor the skills to do turned him into a different person, and his denial about the effects of alcohol and unmanaged diabetes ultimately killed him.
I didn't mourn his passing and I don't miss him. I doubt many would say otherwise.
I decided never to have children, because I feared that if I did, unavoidably, turn into my dad, I wouldn't want any child to have such a disfunctional relationship with somebody who should have been better.
Esceptico said:
My father had some good qualities but outweighed by significant flaws. He died some time back. Can’t say I miss him. I almost screwed up my life - he and my mother contributed to that and/or were no help. Fortunately I managed to turn it all around when I met my wife. I am a bit envious of people who have parents that they can look up to.
Although I expect I can’t escape my father’s shadow completely - some behaviours and characteristics will be genetically inherited - I strive to be as different from him as possible. When I look at the relationship I have with my wife and daughter I think I have mainly succeeded.
Most of that goes for me, too. Mine is unfortunately still alive, and has almost no redeeming qualities, so I've spent my life trying to be a better person than he is (which honestly isn't a very high bar). Although I expect I can’t escape my father’s shadow completely - some behaviours and characteristics will be genetically inherited - I strive to be as different from him as possible. When I look at the relationship I have with my wife and daughter I think I have mainly succeeded.
My daughter and wife occasionally tease me that I'm like my dad, just to keep me on my toes.
The answer is no, I'm definitely not turning into my dad.
Drive it fix it repeat said:
I really hope not. In fact I make a concerted effort to avoid falling into his traits. I envy people who look up to their dad and enjoy spending time with them.
This is me too.I didn't have the best of relationships with my Dad growing up, really because we had no interests in common and he had no time for anyone who didn't enjoy the same stuff as him.
He was a nightmare to live with, Mum, Sister and I used to dread 5:30 in case he was in a bad mood after work.
As an adult I have a lot of his mannerisms, I look somewhat like him and I can be as stubborn and single minded as he is, thankfully though my Mum's influence ensured that I'm happy to admit fault and change my opinion (he isn't)
I see him once every couple of months despite the fact he only lives 6 miles away and am always a little envious of people whose Dads actually taught them things and are viewed as "my hero" Can't remember the last time we spoke on the phone, there's never anything to talk about if we do.
I don't have kids of my own, a psychologist might wonder if these facts were related!!
I wish!
In inspiration but no son can replicate the father except for fluke-their strives will ensure your struggles are different.
The little things though, my god the little things. It's like watching a trailer for the movie of your own life.
But back to my original sentence on this subject... I'd be more than happy to be my father and have achieved what he had in his lifetime.
In inspiration but no son can replicate the father except for fluke-their strives will ensure your struggles are different.
The little things though, my god the little things. It's like watching a trailer for the movie of your own life.
But back to my original sentence on this subject... I'd be more than happy to be my father and have achieved what he had in his lifetime.
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