Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Vipers]

Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, but cats can.

[Password123]

What do the World Trade Centre twin towers and gender have in common?

When we were kids there were 2 of them

[silverfoxcc]

[DodgyGeezer]

[Frimley111R]

Wrong un!

[MartG]

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Football spelled backwards is labtoof, that doesnt make sense.
Racecar spelled backwards is Racecar.
Spend money on something that makes sense!

[louiebaby]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Football spelled backwards is labtoof, that doesnt make sense.
Racecar spelled backwards is Racecar.
Spend money on something that makes sense!

Can I make a correction and an observation please?

Football spelled backwards is llabtoof.

It's Welsh, you 'tard...

[Rayny]

DodgyGeezer said:

Can somebody please explain this one - Even if it makes me look like an imbecile.

[thegreenhell]

Rayny said:

DodgyGeezer said:

Can somebody please explain this one - Even if it makes me look like an imbecile.

She's doing Star Trek in front of a Star Wars character.

[Dracoro]

I imagine Darth Vader looking down with utter contempt but somehow resisting a death grip

[Tommo87]

Vipers said:

Dogs can t operate MRI scanners, but cats can.

But, only one breed of dog can do a Lab test.

[Rayny]

thegreenhell said:

She's doing Star Trek in front of a Star Wars character.

Thank you.

It's been a bit quiet in here without Vipers, vaud, grumpy and some others.

[vaud]

Rayny said:

It's been a bit quiet in here without Vipers, vaud, grumpy and some others.

I haven't forgotten, just been a bit slammed with work, kids events and moving into a new office (got fed up of working from home)

[MartG]

My wife just phoned me, and the conversation went like this:

Her: “You know that Gladiator movie that I got you for Christmas…?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Her: “Fast-forward one hour, 16 minutes and 28 seconds.”

Me: “Right, I’ve done that.”

Her: “Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion…?”

Me: “I can see that, yeah.”

Her: “Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other…?”

Me: “Okay, I see them.”

Her: “Well, behind those two, on the left-hand side of the screen, there’s a gladiator holding a spear…?”

Me: “Yes…! I can see him.”

Her: “Right…! Those are the sandals I want for my birthday.”

[Rayny]

vaud said:

I haven't forgotten, just been a bit slammed with work, kids events and moving into a new office (got fed up of working from home)

Work and kids stuff are important - They are even more important than Pistonheads.
Keep busy, and keep well.

[MartG]

[Byker28i]

I've written a book about poltergeists. My publisher says it's flying off the shelves...

[KaraK]

Byker28i said:

I've written a book about poltergeists. My publisher says it's flying off the shelves...

I've written a book about the tides. My publisher says that sales are slack.

[phazed]

I’ve written a book about TVR‘s. My agent has said that negotiations with the publishers has broken down.