Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[WilliamWoollard]

Actually, 9 out of 10 TVRs ever made are still on the road.

The others actually made it home.

[Byker28i]

I've had three other 'new' cars in the same time. Two have had engines detonate within warranty, which needed replacing. My TVR's been my most reliable...

[captain_cynic]

Byker28i said:

I've had three other 'new' cars in the same time. Two have had engines detonate within warranty, which needed replacing. My TVR's been my most reliable...

I'd hate to think how unreliable those cars are... I've only ever had one engine blow up on me and that was my fault (Nissan SR20DET, had a slow coolant leak when I bought it and didn't notice so it took a few months for it to crack a head gasket, lesson learned and I got a used SR20 from Japan for A$2000 fitted).

I once wrote a book about butchery, but the publisher said it didn't make the cut.

[KaraK]

All this talk of books reminds me of that book I read about gravity, it was okay, real downer ending though

[Stealthracer]

I'm currently reading a book about antigravity. I can't put it down.


I'm reading a book about shipbuilding techniques. Riveting.


I tried to read a book about Sellotape, but I couldn't find the beginning.


I've just written a book about chickens. I'm hoping it will win a book-book-booker prize.

[Skyedriver]

captain_cynic said:

I once wrote a book about butchery, but the publisher said it didn't make the cut.

I was going to write something similar but couldn't find enough information to fill it.

[Last Visit]

​I've just written a book about broken pencils. There's really no point to it.

[Sixteen Stone]

I've just bought a very expensive book on the history of lavatories. I was feeling flush.

[captain_cynic]

A detective came round to investigate my stolen lavatory but he couldn't find anything to go on.

[Super Sonic]

Stealthracer said:

I'm currently reading a book about antigravity. I can't put it down.


I'm reading a book about shipbuilding techniques. Riveting.


I tried to read a book about Sellotape, but I couldn't find the beginning.


I've just written a book about chickens. I'm hoping it will win a book-book-booker prize.

I was reading a book about hair loss, but the pages fell out.

I've got a book about procrastination, I'll get round to reading it soon

I've got a book about organising your home, not sore where it is.

I started redoing a book about having a short attention span...

I have a book about apathy ...

[grumpy52]

Rayny said:

thegreenhell said:

She's doing Star Trek in front of a Star Wars character.

Thank you.

It's been a bit quiet in here without Vipers, vaud, grumpy and some others.

Ooooh my life is complete , I've had a mention on PH !

[Dracoro]

captain_cynic said:

A detective came round to investigate my stolen lavatory but he couldn't find anything to go on.

A bomb went off at the local police station causing a large crater. Police are looking into it.

[Super Sonic]

The local pet shop was robbed yesterday. Police have no leads.

[Super Sonic]

All the propelling pencil refills were stolen from Woolworths yesterday. Police have no leads.

[Super Sonic]

A city was stolen from Yorkshire yesterday. Police have no Leeds.

[Rayny]

Police have been drafted in from West Yorkshire to help quell riots in the city of York -
Leeds has no police

[Super Sonic]

Detectives have been told to only wear plain suits, patterned material is not permitted.
Police have no tweeds.

[2Btoo]

They've employed new (and better) gardeners at the local nick.

Now the Police have no weeds.

[Super Sonic]

The police horses have run away. They have no steeds.

[vaud]

Rayny said:

Police have been drafted in from West Yorkshire to help quell riots in the city of York -
Leeds has no police

I'm dissecting a kitten, but WY police HQ is Wakefield; it is also the administrative centre for WY as a whole.

Poor kitten. Much like potatoes, much missed and we may not see any more.