Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
My wife came in to show me her new bra from Victoria Secrets.
I asked her "How much was it?" and she replied "Only £100". I yelled "You spent £100 on underwear?"
Suddenly she pulled the bra all the way down and I instantly forgot why I was angry ...
I had fallen right into her booby trap...
I asked her "How much was it?" and she replied "Only £100". I yelled "You spent £100 on underwear?"
Suddenly she pulled the bra all the way down and I instantly forgot why I was angry ...
I had fallen right into her booby trap...
A priest announced, "If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left."
All the men in the church moved to left, except one man.
The priest was happy there was at least one strong man, and asked, "How come your wife can't control you?"
The man quietly replied, "It's my wife who told me not to move."
All the men in the church moved to left, except one man.
The priest was happy there was at least one strong man, and asked, "How come your wife can't control you?"
The man quietly replied, "It's my wife who told me not to move."
A man walks into a bar, orders a double vodka, neat, and downs it in a single gulp.
“How big is a penguin?” he asks.
The barman says, “Around 18 inches.”
He orders another double vodka, and gulps it down.
“What’s the biggest a penguin can ever be?”
The barman frowns. “Three feet, maybe an inch or two more.”
The man orders a third double vodka, and gulps it down even quicker.
He sighs. “I think I may have run over a nun.”
“How big is a penguin?” he asks.
The barman says, “Around 18 inches.”
He orders another double vodka, and gulps it down.
“What’s the biggest a penguin can ever be?”
The barman frowns. “Three feet, maybe an inch or two more.”
The man orders a third double vodka, and gulps it down even quicker.
He sighs. “I think I may have run over a nun.”
A man was waiting in at his bank and he started massaging the shoulders of the man standing in front of him.
The man turned around and said, "What are you doing?!"
The massage therapist said, "Oh, I'm a massage therapist and I thought I'd get some practice in while I waited in line."
The other man said, "Well, I'm an lawyer and you don't see me f
king the guy in front of me, do you?!"
The man turned around and said, "What are you doing?!"
The massage therapist said, "Oh, I'm a massage therapist and I thought I'd get some practice in while I waited in line."
The other man said, "Well, I'm an lawyer and you don't see me f
king the guy in front of me, do you?!"Englishman, Irishman and a Scot are convinced their wives are having affairs.
Englishman says; "My wife must be having an affair with mechanic. When I came home I saw his overalls under our bed."
Scot says; "My wife is having an affair with a musician. I saw a guitar under our bed."
Irish man says; "Mine is having an affair with a horse."
Englishman and Scot look at him in disbelief.
"Oh yeah." He continues. "When I got home there was a jockey under our bed."
Englishman says; "My wife must be having an affair with mechanic. When I came home I saw his overalls under our bed."
Scot says; "My wife is having an affair with a musician. I saw a guitar under our bed."
Irish man says; "Mine is having an affair with a horse."
Englishman and Scot look at him in disbelief.
"Oh yeah." He continues. "When I got home there was a jockey under our bed."
Barbara was on the final question of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire: "Which bird does not build its own nest: A) Robin, B) Sparrow, C) Cuckoo, or D) Thrush?"
Unsure, she used her "Phone-a-Friend" to call her blonde roommate, Maggie. Without a second of hesitation, Maggie shouted, "It’s definitely the Cuckoo!" Barbara trusted her, locked it in, and won the million dollars.
That night, while celebrating with champagne, Barbara asked, "Maggie, I’m so impressed! How did you know that cuckoos don't build their own nests?"
Maggie rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, please, Barbara—everyone knows they live in clocks!"
Unsure, she used her "Phone-a-Friend" to call her blonde roommate, Maggie. Without a second of hesitation, Maggie shouted, "It’s definitely the Cuckoo!" Barbara trusted her, locked it in, and won the million dollars.
That night, while celebrating with champagne, Barbara asked, "Maggie, I’m so impressed! How did you know that cuckoos don't build their own nests?"
Maggie rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, please, Barbara—everyone knows they live in clocks!"
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff