Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Strait of Hormuz Now Open Only to Ships With a GP Appointment
In a desperate bid to unclog one of the world’s most important shipping lanes, international authorities have confirmed the Strait of Hormuz will now only be accessible to vessels that have first secured an appointment through a GP receptionist.
The new system, introduced early this week, requires oil tankers to call between 8:00am and 8:03am local time, navigate a series of increasingly hostile questions, and accept that the next available slot may be “sometime in mid-November.”
“Seeing as we can’t sort it out ourselves, we reckoned a GP receptionist might get the queue of ships down a lot quicker,” a senior maritime official admitted. “They’ve got a proven track record of determining what is and isn’t urgent, often without any formal medical training whatsoever.”
Initial reports suggest the system is already working, with dozens of tankers turned away after failing to adequately justify their need to pass through the strait.
One Liberian-flagged vessel was reportedly told its cargo of 2 million barrels of crude oil “didn’t sound that serious,” and advised to “try again next week if it’s still bothering you.”
Rochdale man Dave Higson, 52, who has been waiting three years to have his ingrowing toenail looked at, gave the plan his full backing.
“I’ve got complete faith in them,” he said. “If they can run my surgery list, they’ll have those oil tankers sorted in no time. Anywho, is it really that urgent they need to go through the strait? Can it not wait till next month?”
At the scene, frustrated ship captains described being asked whether they had “tried going around Africa first” before being offered a phone consultation with a junior maritime advisor sometime “between 1pm and 6pm, but no guarantees.”
Industry experts have warned the new system could have minor knock-on effects, including global fuel shortages, economic instability, and several captains bursting into tears while listening to hold music.
However, officials remain confident the approach will bring order to the chaos.
“People need to understand we’re very busy,” one receptionist confirmed, before placing the entire Persian Gulf on hold indefinitely.
In a desperate bid to unclog one of the world’s most important shipping lanes, international authorities have confirmed the Strait of Hormuz will now only be accessible to vessels that have first secured an appointment through a GP receptionist.
The new system, introduced early this week, requires oil tankers to call between 8:00am and 8:03am local time, navigate a series of increasingly hostile questions, and accept that the next available slot may be “sometime in mid-November.”
“Seeing as we can’t sort it out ourselves, we reckoned a GP receptionist might get the queue of ships down a lot quicker,” a senior maritime official admitted. “They’ve got a proven track record of determining what is and isn’t urgent, often without any formal medical training whatsoever.”
Initial reports suggest the system is already working, with dozens of tankers turned away after failing to adequately justify their need to pass through the strait.
One Liberian-flagged vessel was reportedly told its cargo of 2 million barrels of crude oil “didn’t sound that serious,” and advised to “try again next week if it’s still bothering you.”
Rochdale man Dave Higson, 52, who has been waiting three years to have his ingrowing toenail looked at, gave the plan his full backing.
“I’ve got complete faith in them,” he said. “If they can run my surgery list, they’ll have those oil tankers sorted in no time. Anywho, is it really that urgent they need to go through the strait? Can it not wait till next month?”
At the scene, frustrated ship captains described being asked whether they had “tried going around Africa first” before being offered a phone consultation with a junior maritime advisor sometime “between 1pm and 6pm, but no guarantees.”
Industry experts have warned the new system could have minor knock-on effects, including global fuel shortages, economic instability, and several captains bursting into tears while listening to hold music.
However, officials remain confident the approach will bring order to the chaos.
“People need to understand we’re very busy,” one receptionist confirmed, before placing the entire Persian Gulf on hold indefinitely.
munroman said:
Strait of Hormuz Now Open Only to Ships With a GP Appointment
In a desperate bid to unclog one of the world s most important shipping lanes, international authorities have confirmed the Strait of Hormuz will now only be accessible to vessels that have first secured an appointment through a GP receptionist.
The new system, introduced early this week, requires oil tankers to call between 8:00am and 8:03am local time, navigate a series of increasingly hostile questions, and accept that the next available slot may be sometime in mid-November.
Seeing as we can t sort it out ourselves, we reckoned a GP receptionist might get the queue of ships down a lot quicker, a senior maritime official admitted. They ve got a proven track record of determining what is and isn t urgent, often without any formal medical training whatsoever.
Initial reports suggest the system is already working, with dozens of tankers turned away after failing to adequately justify their need to pass through the strait.
One Liberian-flagged vessel was reportedly told its cargo of 2 million barrels of crude oil didn t sound that serious, and advised to try again next week if it s still bothering you.
Rochdale man Dave Higson, 52, who has been waiting three years to have his ingrowing toenail looked at, gave the plan his full backing.
I ve got complete faith in them, he said. If they can run my surgery list, they ll have those oil tankers sorted in no time. Anywho, is it really that urgent they need to go through the strait? Can it not wait till next month?
At the scene, frustrated ship captains described being asked whether they had tried going around Africa first before being offered a phone consultation with a junior maritime advisor sometime between 1pm and 6pm, but no guarantees.
Industry experts have warned the new system could have minor knock-on effects, including global fuel shortages, economic instability, and several captains bursting into tears while listening to hold music.
However, officials remain confident the approach will bring order to the chaos.
People need to understand we re very busy, one receptionist confirmed, before placing the entire Persian Gulf on hold indefinitely.
Post of the Year!!In a desperate bid to unclog one of the world s most important shipping lanes, international authorities have confirmed the Strait of Hormuz will now only be accessible to vessels that have first secured an appointment through a GP receptionist.
The new system, introduced early this week, requires oil tankers to call between 8:00am and 8:03am local time, navigate a series of increasingly hostile questions, and accept that the next available slot may be sometime in mid-November.
Seeing as we can t sort it out ourselves, we reckoned a GP receptionist might get the queue of ships down a lot quicker, a senior maritime official admitted. They ve got a proven track record of determining what is and isn t urgent, often without any formal medical training whatsoever.
Initial reports suggest the system is already working, with dozens of tankers turned away after failing to adequately justify their need to pass through the strait.
One Liberian-flagged vessel was reportedly told its cargo of 2 million barrels of crude oil didn t sound that serious, and advised to try again next week if it s still bothering you.
Rochdale man Dave Higson, 52, who has been waiting three years to have his ingrowing toenail looked at, gave the plan his full backing.
I ve got complete faith in them, he said. If they can run my surgery list, they ll have those oil tankers sorted in no time. Anywho, is it really that urgent they need to go through the strait? Can it not wait till next month?
At the scene, frustrated ship captains described being asked whether they had tried going around Africa first before being offered a phone consultation with a junior maritime advisor sometime between 1pm and 6pm, but no guarantees.
Industry experts have warned the new system could have minor knock-on effects, including global fuel shortages, economic instability, and several captains bursting into tears while listening to hold music.
However, officials remain confident the approach will bring order to the chaos.
People need to understand we re very busy, one receptionist confirmed, before placing the entire Persian Gulf on hold indefinitely.
Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans
Every living thing on this earth is either a carrot, or not a carrot
You have finger tips, but not toe tips. Yet you can tiptoe, but not tip finger
If you misplace something it will always turn up in the last place you look
The word abbreviation is too long
Every living thing on this earth is either a carrot, or not a carrot
You have finger tips, but not toe tips. Yet you can tiptoe, but not tip finger
If you misplace something it will always turn up in the last place you look
The word abbreviation is too long
hes love it when you do that.DodgyGeezer said:
Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans
Every living thing on this earth is either a carrot, or not a carrot
You have finger tips, but not toe tips. Yet you can tiptoe, but not tip finger
If you misplace something it will always turn up in the last place you look
The word abbreviation is too long
Good stuff, either I'm drunk or silly, but the carrot one made me laugh.Every living thing on this earth is either a carrot, or not a carrot
You have finger tips, but not toe tips. Yet you can tiptoe, but not tip finger
If you misplace something it will always turn up in the last place you look
The word abbreviation is too long
Dog Biscuit said:
havoc said:
Cold said:
A bloke walks into a shop and asks "May I have a small battery so that I can tell the time, please".
"Oh, is it for a clock?"
"No idea, that's why I need the battery".
Needed to read that twice! "Oh, is it for a clock?"
"No idea, that's why I need the battery".
Rayny said:
Dog Biscuit said:
havoc said:
Cold said:
A bloke walks into a shop and asks "May I have a small battery so that I can tell the time, please".
"Oh, is it for a clock?"
"No idea, that's why I need the battery".
Needed to read that twice! "Oh, is it for a clock?"
"No idea, that's why I need the battery".
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