Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Adam was talking to God and mentioned that he was becoming lonely.
God says to Adam, “I was thinking about how to remedy that situation, Adam. I think that you will like my solution. I have decided to create Woman.”
“Woman?”, “What is Woman?”, Adam asks.
God says, “Well, Adam, Woman is the perfect companion. Woman will fulfill all of your needs and desires, without question. Woman will serve your every want and need. She will obey your every command. Her only reason for being will be to bring you happiness.”.
“Wow, lord Woman sounds perfect for me. What do I have to do?”
“Well, Adam, I require, from you, one eye, your right leg, and your left hand!”
Adam thinks for a minute, then asks, “What will you give me for a rib?”.
God says to Adam, “I was thinking about how to remedy that situation, Adam. I think that you will like my solution. I have decided to create Woman.”
“Woman?”, “What is Woman?”, Adam asks.
God says, “Well, Adam, Woman is the perfect companion. Woman will fulfill all of your needs and desires, without question. Woman will serve your every want and need. She will obey your every command. Her only reason for being will be to bring you happiness.”.
“Wow, lord Woman sounds perfect for me. What do I have to do?”
“Well, Adam, I require, from you, one eye, your right leg, and your left hand!”
Adam thinks for a minute, then asks, “What will you give me for a rib?”.
A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.
Well, says the boss, I'll hire you guys if you promise not to eat any of our staff. The cannibals promise they will not eat anyone and they get the job.
Everything is going well for a while, but one day the boss calls them into the office. You guys are working well and all, but we're missing an office cleaner. Do you guys have something to do with that? The cannibals swear that they're innocent. The boss believes them and they leave the office and they all return to their leader.
You idiots, he screams. Who ate the cleaner?
One of the cannibals sheepishly raises their hand. You fool, shouts the leader. For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resources. And now you've got to go and eat someone that they actually miss and need.
Well, says the boss, I'll hire you guys if you promise not to eat any of our staff. The cannibals promise they will not eat anyone and they get the job.
Everything is going well for a while, but one day the boss calls them into the office. You guys are working well and all, but we're missing an office cleaner. Do you guys have something to do with that? The cannibals swear that they're innocent. The boss believes them and they leave the office and they all return to their leader.
You idiots, he screams. Who ate the cleaner?
One of the cannibals sheepishly raises their hand. You fool, shouts the leader. For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resources. And now you've got to go and eat someone that they actually miss and need.
MartG said:
Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.
Well, says the boss, I'll hire you guys if you promise not to eat any of our staff. The cannibals promise they will not eat anyone and they get the job.
Everything is going well for a while, but one day the boss calls them into the office. You guys are working well and all, but we're missing an office cleaner. Do you guys have something to do with that? The cannibals swear that they're innocent. The boss believes them and they leave the office and they all return to their leader.
You idiots, he screams. Who ate the cleaner?
One of the cannibals sheepishly raises their hand. You fool, shouts the leader. For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resources. And now you've got to go and eat someone that they actually miss and need.
Well, says the boss, I'll hire you guys if you promise not to eat any of our staff. The cannibals promise they will not eat anyone and they get the job.
Everything is going well for a while, but one day the boss calls them into the office. You guys are working well and all, but we're missing an office cleaner. Do you guys have something to do with that? The cannibals swear that they're innocent. The boss believes them and they leave the office and they all return to their leader.
You idiots, he screams. Who ate the cleaner?
One of the cannibals sheepishly raises their hand. You fool, shouts the leader. For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resources. And now you've got to go and eat someone that they actually miss and need.
and again
This just serves to confirm the old adage - Many a true word spoken in jest.
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