Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
I see that the International Dog Obedience Association has just appointed its new President.
Uzak Levor-Boyden.
Why are Thai girls like a box of chocolates?
Because you never know which ones have got nuts.
Did you know that Bruce Lee had a brother who was a vegan?
His name was Brock.
I always hate those people who make jokes about the Holocaust.
Ann frankly, I won’t stand for it.
What do you call an Indian with a flat battery?
Char Jit.
My niece just got a pet termite.
She calls him Clint Eatswood.
Shopping for antiques cannot turn you gay. But it can make you buy curios.
Uzak Levor-Boyden.
Why are Thai girls like a box of chocolates?
Because you never know which ones have got nuts.
Did you know that Bruce Lee had a brother who was a vegan?
His name was Brock.
I always hate those people who make jokes about the Holocaust.
Ann frankly, I won’t stand for it.
What do you call an Indian with a flat battery?
Char Jit.
My niece just got a pet termite.
She calls him Clint Eatswood.
Shopping for antiques cannot turn you gay. But it can make you buy curios.
There was a boy that had a question about God. He goes to his local priest to see if he has an answer. The boy presents the question and the priest is completely at a loss of words. The question is so challenging that he could not give an answer. Unwilling to let the boy go unsatisfied without an answer, the priest takes the boy to a local bishop that knows even more about religion than the priest
The boy approaches the bishop and asks him the same question. Again, the bishop has no answer that will satisfy any of the parties. Seeing that the boy is getting discouraged that no one can answer the question the bishop sends the boy directly to the Vatican to talk to the pope.
This pope was very popular among the people. And he knew everything. He was so smart they called him Pope The Wise. The boy walks up to the pope and asks him the question. The pope begins to answer but then gets choked up and realized that not even he has the answer for the question.
As all hope was just about to be lost, an old nun walks into the room. The nun asks the boy to ask her this famous question and the boy does. The nun formulates the most perfect answer to the boys question. Almost everyone rejoices and all is good.
Except the pope looks a little upset. He exclaims
“This is impossible! Explain to me how a simple nun could be smarter than me! Pope The Wise!”
But she was Nun The Wiser
"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...
...before it cinq.
"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.
"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.
"One," radioed the American ship before it went two.
"Won," radioed the British submarine.
...before it cinq.
"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.
"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.
"One," radioed the American ship before it went two.
"Won," radioed the British submarine.
Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says:
"Pierre kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's Lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says:
"Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers:
"Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously:
"Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Pierre stands up, defiantly, and says:
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
"Pierre kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's Lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says:
"Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers:
"Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously:
"Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Pierre stands up, defiantly, and says:
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are having sex?
Relative Humidity.
Why don't rednecks do the reverse cowgirl?
They never turn their back on family.
Two rednecks are sitting on the porch when they see a dog lick his nuts.
One says, “Boy, I wish I could do that.”
The other redneck says, “Be careful. He bit me.”
Relative Humidity.
Why don't rednecks do the reverse cowgirl?
They never turn their back on family.
Two rednecks are sitting on the porch when they see a dog lick his nuts.
One says, “Boy, I wish I could do that.”
The other redneck says, “Be careful. He bit me.”
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says:
"Pierre kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's Lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says:
"Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers:
"Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously:
"Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Pierre stands up, defiantly, and says:
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
Bugger beaten by 10mins "Pierre kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's Lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says:
"Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers:
"Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously:
"Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Pierre stands up, defiantly, and says:
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
Ultra Sound Guy said:
"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...
...before it cinq.
"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.
"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.
"One," radioed the American ship before it went two.
"Won," radioed the British submarine.
...before it cinq.
"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.
"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.
"One," radioed the American ship before it went two.
"Won," radioed the British submarine.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff