Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[R6tty]

Master Of Puppets said:

I went to the dentist and she said.... First things first, tongue up, that's great, now move it to the left, and now to the right, that's lovely.

After 20 minutes of this she pulled up her knickers and said.... Right get in the chair and let's have a look at those teeth.

That's a joke?

[turbobloke]

Reminded of this by a TV prog tonight, they didn't get it quite right though.

Woman to Friend "I dreamt I bonked a mythical god, it felt very real"
Friend to Woman "Thor?"
Woman to Friend "I can't even pith yet"

[hairy v]

[Monkeylegend]

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen.

All I said was "Come on hurry up, some of us have got homes to go to"

[Stealthracer]

If someone wants to put everything in order ...

... why do other people say they've got a 'disorder'?

[Filton-flyer]

I’m dating a bin lady at the moment but I can never remember if I’m supposed to take her out on a Monday or a Wednesday!

[Filton-flyer]

[grumpy52]

Folks, I work in veterinary medicine and here’s something they won’t tell you!!

If your canine companion is ever running a fever, go and get some mustard. Mustard is great on a hot dog.

[MarkwG]

grumpy52 said:

Folks, I work in veterinary medicine and here’s something they won’t tell you!!

If your canine companion is ever running a fever, go and get some mustard. Mustard is great on a hot dog.

Dead kitten warning - don't do this - mustard is toxic to dogs, you may get a quick return from both ends of the dog...

[generationx]

MarkwG said:

grumpy52 said:

Folks, I work in veterinary medicine and here’s something they won’t tell you!!

If your canine companion is ever running a fever, go and get some mustard. Mustard is great on a hot dog.

Dead kitten warning - don't do this - mustard is toxic to dogs, you may get a quick return from both ends of the dog...

Parrot warning?

[MarkwG]

generationx said:

MarkwG said:

grumpy52 said:

Folks, I work in veterinary medicine and here’s something they won’t tell you!!

If your canine companion is ever running a fever, go and get some mustard. Mustard is great on a hot dog.

Dead kitten warning - don't do this - mustard is toxic to dogs, you may get a quick return from both ends of the dog...

Parrot warning?

Not really, I got the joke.

[hairy v]

[Hol]

A student was invited to a Fancy Dress party, but left it too late to get a costume, so instead stuck a condom over his nostrils.

At the party he sees his friend, who asks quizzically.

‘So then, what have you come as tonight?’



.








.

‘fk Knows!!’

[Legacywr]

[Alorotom]

Filton-flyer said:

Full HD … dark ages right there, 4K minimum but ideally 8K all the way!

[hairy v]

[Pixelpeep Electric]

My sister hates when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to lighten up

[22]

My wife left a note saying "This isn't working, Good bye" stuck to the fridge.

I opened the fridge door and it's working just fine.



(probably re-post from pages 7, 58 & 121)

[Mammasaid]

Wow! Posting from the future as well.

[kowalski655]

22 said:

My wife left a note saying "This isn't working, Good bye" stuck to the fridge.

I opened the fridge door and it's working just fine.



(probably re-post from pages 7, 58 & 121)

And 1973, 1985,& 2006