Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Porsche guy]

Laurel Green said:

slopes said:

" Judging by the expression on your face you're going because when you're coming, you look like a stroke victim trying to whistle"

Yes, very good

[Cotty]

Vipers said:

On the subject of Boris and all the drinkies etc during the pandemic, I had to chuckle when a quiz show yesterday revealed that No 10 is built on the site of an old brewery.

So actually he does know how to organise a piss up in a brewery.

[rayny]

Cotty said:

Vipers said:

On the subject of Boris and all the drinkies etc during the pandemic, I had to chuckle when a quiz show yesterday revealed that No 10 is built on the site of an old brewery.

So actually he does know how to organise a piss up in a brewery.

I think that you overestimate his abilities - He attended the events, he did not organise them

[Vipers]

rayny said:

Cotty said:

Vipers said:

On the subject of Boris and all the drinkies etc during the pandemic, I had to chuckle when a quiz show yesterday revealed that No 10 is built on the site of an old brewery.

So actually he does know how to organise a piss up in a brewery.

I think that you overestimate his abilities - He attended the events, he did not organise them

I doubt he could organise an woodpeckers outing in Sherwood Forest either

[Pixelpeep 135]

Spent an hour today trying to recapture my lost youth.

I really should get that basement door lock fixed

[john2443]

Don't get too worried if you can't spell Armageddon.


It's not like it's the end of the world.

[a_dreamer]

Where does USA keep its back up?




USB

[a_dreamer]

My computer turned up late for work this morning.


It must have had a hard drive.

[anonymous-user]

Pixelpeep 135 said:

Spent an hour today trying to recapture my lost youth.

I really should get that basement door lock fixed

Brilliant

[Pixelpeep 135]

I got a peanut lodged up my left nostril. It was ok though because I put some chocolate up there and it came out a Treat.

[rayny]

Vipers said:

rayny said:

Cotty said:

Vipers said:

On the subject of Boris and all the drinkies etc during the pandemic, I had to chuckle when a quiz show yesterday revealed that No 10 is built on the site of an old brewery.

So actually he does know how to organise a piss up in a brewery.

I think that you overestimate his abilities - He attended the events, he did not organise them

I doubt he could organise an woodpeckers outing in Sherwood Forest either

Inclusion of the name Boris and the word pecker in the same post - Were you a News of the World journalist at some point in your career ?

[Trenchard]

A quote from the late, great Willie Rushton. In 'Superpig' he mused about the alignment of certain females' genitalia...

'Tell me Mrs. Fu Manchu, is the rumour really true?
Is it North and South like all the rest, or inscrutable East to decadent West?'

[AstonZagato]

Vipers said:

rayny said:

Cotty said:

Vipers said:

On the subject of Boris and all the drinkies etc during the pandemic, I had to chuckle when a quiz show yesterday revealed that No 10 is built on the site of an old brewery.

So actually he does know how to organise a piss up in a brewery.

I think that you overestimate his abilities - He attended the events, he did not organise them

I doubt he could organise an woodpeckers outing in Sherwood Forest either

Or a panic in a doomed submarine.

[Trenchard]

AstonZagato said:

Or a panic in a doomed submarine.

As useless as...

A chocolate teapot.
A chocolate mantlepiece.
A one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.
A thalidomide kid in a Mexican wave.
A parachute that opens on impact.
A cordless kite.
Patio doors on a submarine.

All yours, folks...

[Trenchard]

The worst politicos in the land,
are Captain Boris and his band.
That's pitiful Patel who needs a shove,
slimy Sunak and gormless Gove.

(with apologies to Keith Michell, Polydor, 1977)

[slightlyoldgit]

[Jonboy_t]

Trenchard said:

AstonZagato said:

Or a panic in a doomed submarine.

As useless as...

A chocolate teapot.
A chocolate mantlepiece.
A one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.
A thalidomide kid in a Mexican wave.
A parachute that opens on impact.
A cordless kite.
Patio doors on a submarine.

All yours, folks...

Anne Franks drum kit

[anonymous-user]

Jonboy_t said:

Anne Franks drum kit

[paua]

Jonboy_t said:

Trenchard said:

AstonZagato said:

Or a panic in a doomed submarine.

As useless as...

A chocolate teapot.
A chocolate mantlepiece.
A one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.
A thalidomide kid in a Mexican wave.
A parachute that opens on impact.
A cordless kite.
Patio doors on a submarine.

All yours, folks...

Anne Franks drum kit

Tits on a bull.

[NWTony]

Trenchard said:

The worst politicos in the land,
are Captain Boris and his band.
That's pitiful Patel who needs a shove,
slimy Sunak and gormless Gove.

(with apologies to Keith Michell, Polydor, 1977)

Gove ... shove ... so close!