Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Here's one I've not seen in a while :
Priest at the Racetrack
George went to the racetrack, bet on the ponies, and nearly lost his
shirt. He noticed this priest who stepped onto the track and blessed the
forehead of one of the horses lining up for the fourth race. Lo and behold,
this horse - a very long shot - won the race. George was interested to see
what the priest did for the next race.
As George watched, the priest stepped out onto the track as horses
lined up for the fifth race. The priest blessed the forehead of one of the
horses and George made a beeline for the window to place a small bet
on the horse.
Again, the priest had blessed a long shot -- and the horse won the
race!!! George collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see
which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the sixth race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, George bet on it, and won!
As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses,
and it always came in first.
George began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race
he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a
quick stop at the ATM and withdrew every penny that he owned.
George waited for the priest's blessing that would tell him which
horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto
the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes,
ears and hooves of one of the horses. George placed his bet -
every cent he owned - and watched the horse come in dead last!
George was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track, and when
he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day
you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you bless a horse
and he loses. Now I've lost my life savings, thanks to you!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you
Protestants ... you can't tell the difference between a simple
blessing and the Last Rites
Priest at the Racetrack
George went to the racetrack, bet on the ponies, and nearly lost his
shirt. He noticed this priest who stepped onto the track and blessed the
forehead of one of the horses lining up for the fourth race. Lo and behold,
this horse - a very long shot - won the race. George was interested to see
what the priest did for the next race.
As George watched, the priest stepped out onto the track as horses
lined up for the fifth race. The priest blessed the forehead of one of the
horses and George made a beeline for the window to place a small bet
on the horse.
Again, the priest had blessed a long shot -- and the horse won the
race!!! George collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see
which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the sixth race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, George bet on it, and won!
As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses,
and it always came in first.
George began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race
he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a
quick stop at the ATM and withdrew every penny that he owned.
George waited for the priest's blessing that would tell him which
horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto
the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes,
ears and hooves of one of the horses. George placed his bet -
every cent he owned - and watched the horse come in dead last!
George was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track, and when
he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day
you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you bless a horse
and he loses. Now I've lost my life savings, thanks to you!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you
Protestants ... you can't tell the difference between a simple
blessing and the Last Rites
After a long and exhausting day, a young woman finally settled into her seat on the train, hoping for a peaceful journey home. She closed her eyes, ready to get some much-needed kip.
Her hopes were quickly dashed by an army officer sitting next to her, who whipped out his phone and began speaking loudly enough for the entire train carriage to hear.
“Hi, honey, it’s James! I’m on the train,” he announced.
“Yes, I know it’s 6:30, not 4:30, but I had a long meeting.”
“No, honey, I wasn’t with Cathy from the admin office. I was with the boss, I swear.”
“You’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, darling.”
For a solid fifteen minutes, the conversation dragged on, his voice dominating the space and testing the patience of everybody around him.
Finally, the young woman had had enough. She leaned in close to him, then spoke loudly into his phone:
“James, darling, hang up and come back to bed.”
The train carriage erupted into laughter, and James’s face turned bright red. He hung up instantly.
Needless to say from that day on, James never made another loud phone call in public.
Her hopes were quickly dashed by an army officer sitting next to her, who whipped out his phone and began speaking loudly enough for the entire train carriage to hear.
“Hi, honey, it’s James! I’m on the train,” he announced.
“Yes, I know it’s 6:30, not 4:30, but I had a long meeting.”
“No, honey, I wasn’t with Cathy from the admin office. I was with the boss, I swear.”
“You’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, darling.”
For a solid fifteen minutes, the conversation dragged on, his voice dominating the space and testing the patience of everybody around him.
Finally, the young woman had had enough. She leaned in close to him, then spoke loudly into his phone:
“James, darling, hang up and come back to bed.”
The train carriage erupted into laughter, and James’s face turned bright red. He hung up instantly.
Needless to say from that day on, James never made another loud phone call in public.
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