Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

Author
Discussion

vaud

53,101 posts

165 months

Monday 25th November 2024
quotequote all
Vipers said:
After a long and exhausting day...
Thanks, that genuinely made me laugh which I needed today.

MartG

21,434 posts

214 months

Monday 25th November 2024
quotequote all

quigonjay

839 posts

231 months

Monday 25th November 2024
quotequote all
what do you call a lesbian on fire? LGBBQ

Wacky Racer

39,308 posts

257 months

Monday 25th November 2024
quotequote all
Man:- "What's the difference between a penis and a leg of chicken?"

Girl:- "I don't know"

Man:- "Do you want to come on a picnic?"












Bernard Manning 1977

motco

16,308 posts

256 months

Monday 25th November 2024
quotequote all
Tye Green said:
two magnets:

first magnet says: "I find you very attractive".

second magnet turns around and says " I find you repulsive".
They're poles apart!

Tye Green

831 posts

119 months

Monday 25th November 2024
quotequote all
Just been on the news about the devastating effects on some businesses resulting from Rachel Reeves' recent budget.

A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.

A local strip club has gone tits up, Interflora is pruning its business and Dyno-rod has gone down the drain.

The saddest one though is the ice cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He couldn't take it any more and topped himself.

Stealthracer

7,970 posts

188 months

Tuesday 26th November 2024
quotequote all
That's nothing, the London Symphony Orchestra has disbanded.

ozzuk

1,255 posts

137 months

Tuesday 26th November 2024
quotequote all
Tye Green said:
Just been on the news about the devastating effects on some businesses resulting from Rachel Reeves' recent budget.

A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.

A local strip club has gone tits up, Interflora is pruning its business and Dyno-rod has gone down the drain.

The saddest one though is the ice cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He couldn't take it any more and topped himself.
It's not all bad news, I started a boat building business in my attic, sails are through the roof!

Stealthracer

7,970 posts

188 months

Tuesday 26th November 2024
quotequote all
What does one call a naturist judge?


Justice Socks.

Huntsman

8,418 posts

260 months

Tuesday 26th November 2024
quotequote all
Monkeylegend said:
New volume so we can now repeat the oldies so what is brown and comes out of cows backwards.

The Isle of Wight ferry.
If Isla St Clare married Barry White she'd be Isla White, if she divorced him and married Bryan Ferry she'd be Isla White Ferry.

Thank you. Here all week.

Lotusgone

1,399 posts

137 months

Tuesday 26th November 2024
quotequote all
One of my clients had a cardboard factory, but it folded.


motco

16,308 posts

256 months

Tuesday 26th November 2024
quotequote all
Huntsman said:
Monkeylegend said:
New volume so we can now repeat the oldies so what is brown and comes out of cows backwards.

The Isle of Wight ferry.
If Isla St Clare married Barry White she'd be Isla White, if she divorced him and married Bryan Ferry she'd be Isla White Ferry.

Thank you. Here all week.
When I heard it the question was: "What comes steaming and splashing out of cows?" "The isle of Wight paddle steamer!

S6PNJ

5,409 posts

291 months

Tuesday 26th November 2024
quotequote all
motco said:
When I heard it the question was: "What comes steaming and splashing out of cows?" "The isle of Wight paddle steamer!
What's brown, smells and comes out of cows (Cowes) backwards? The Isle of Wight ferry.

Monkeylegend

27,377 posts

241 months

Tuesday 26th November 2024
quotequote all
S6PNJ said:
What's brown, smells and comes out of cows (Cowes) backwards? The Isle of Wight ferry.
You need to wait for the next volume before you can repeat it again, not just two posts hehe

Amused2death

2,507 posts

206 months

Wednesday 27th November 2024
quotequote all
My dwarf girlfriend has been getting very upset at people making fun of her height.

So to cheer her up I've cooked her her favourite meal, bought wine and chocolates and then later the evening I'll run her a nice hot sink.

Gladers01

898 posts

58 months

Wednesday 27th November 2024
quotequote all
Monkeylegend said:
S6PNJ said:
What's brown, smells and comes out of cows (Cowes) backwards? The Isle of Wight ferry.
You need to wait for the next volume before you can repeat it again, not just two posts hehe
The version I heard many moons ago was "What comes steaming out of cows (Cowes) backwards?"

The Royal Yacht Britannia wink

callyman

3,162 posts

222 months

Wednesday 27th November 2024
quotequote all
This Christmas please spare a thought for thousands of dwarfs struggling to put food on the table.

callyman

3,162 posts

222 months

Wednesday 27th November 2024
quotequote all
I bought a book about how to scam people online, it's been 6 months and still not arrived.

grumpy52

5,756 posts

176 months

Wednesday 27th November 2024
quotequote all
I found £20 laying in the car park and thought to myself "What would Jesus do?"
So, I turned it into wine.

Huntsman

8,418 posts

260 months

Thursday 28th November 2024
quotequote all
callyman said:
This Christmas please spare a thought for thousands of dwarfs struggling to put food on the table.
snigger.