Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[2ZZ Top]

Pixelpeep 135 said:

You are not allowed to run in the camp site at Glastonbury. This is because it should be 'Ran' as it's past-tents

You're also not allowed to stop ranning past and go inside for a break, as that would be loitering within tent.

[Mammasaid]

2ZZ Top said:

Pixelpeep 135 said:

You are not allowed to run in the camp site at Glastonbury. This is because it should be 'Ran' as it's past-tents

You're also not allowed to stop ranning past and go inside for a break, as that would be loitering within tent.

I can't stand either of these jokes - they're two in tents!

[Pixelpeep 135]

Mammasaid said:

2ZZ Top said:

Pixelpeep 135 said:

You are not allowed to run in the camp site at Glastonbury. This is because it should be 'Ran' as it's past-tents

You're also not allowed to stop ranning past and go inside for a break, as that would be loitering within tent.

I can't stand either of these jokes - they're two in tents!

Like a scarecrow, i am outstanding in my field.

[Turtle Shed]

Went to see a band last night. Every song was about biscuits. They were called Oreo Speedwagon.

Edited by Turtle Shed on Thursday 23 June 16:21

[Pixelpeep 135]

Turtle Shed said:

Went to see a band last night. Every song was about biscuits. They were call Oreo Speedwagon.

is that why you were a wafer so long?

[Morningside]

Philippines said:

Why did the Dermatologist get fired from his job?

Because he was making too many rash decisions.

I bet he's itching to get started in his new one.

[Halmyre]

Turtle Shed said:

Went to see a band last night. Every song was about biscuits. They were called Oreo Speedwagon.

Edited by Turtle Shed on Thursday 23 June 16:21

A night down the club?

[Stealthracer]

Halmyre said:

Turtle Shed said:

Went to see a band last night. Every song was about biscuits. They were called Oreo Speedwagon.

Edited by Turtle Shed on Thursday 23 June 16:21

A night down the club?

I bet he drove there in his Golf. Or was it a Polo?

[tvrolet]

Turtle Shed said:

Went to see a band last night. Every song was about biscuits. They were called Oreo Speedwagon.

Edited by Turtle Shed on Thursday 23 June 16:21

I saw a band once, the blue rib band.

[slopes]

Turtle Shed said:

Went to see a band last night. Every song was about biscuits. They were called Oreo Speedwagon.

Edited by Turtle Shed on Thursday 23 June 16:21

Groan



But i'm still pinching that for later use

[GloverMart]

The Proclaimers' lawn is getting out of control and they are blaming B&Q.

They've been to Lochaber, no mower. Sutherland, no mower. Lewis, no mower. Skye, no mower.

[twing]

GloverMart said:

The Proclaimers' lawn is getting out of control and they are blaming B&Q.

They've been to Lochaber, no mower. Sutherland, no mower. Lewis, no mower. Skye, no mower.

[Pixelpeep 135]

I have a portrait of diana ross and i wanna hang it above my door but i'm struggling as there ain't no mounting high enough

[Stealthracer]

Why are mountains so funny?


Because they're hill areas.

[Nova Gyna]

I wondered why the missus was throwing all my Stephen King books around.

Then IT hit me.

[McAndy]

Nova Gyna said:

I wondered why the missus was throwing all my Stephen King books around.

Then IT hit me.

Oh, the Misery! Did she get Carried away in Desperation? Maybe it was due to her Insomnia. It would have hurt less had it been a Thinner one. Anyway, a truly Shining example of a Fairy Tale!

[Countdown]

A little known fact - one of Sean Connery's few career failures was when he didn't get opportunity to do voiceovers for the adverts for Citibank.

[Stan the Bat]

Countdown said:

A little known fact - one of Sean Connery's few career failures was when he didn't get opportunity to do voiceovers for the adverts for Citibank.

[McAndy]

Countdown said:

A little known fact - one of Sean Connery's few career failures was when he didn't get opportunity to do voiceovers for the adverts for Citibank.

[bristolbaron]

I phoned a pizza place at the weekend and ordered a thin and crispy supreme.. they sent me Diana Ross.