Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Rayny]

Speed Badger said:

Voldemort said:

We were in the pub and the 'body count' thing came up. I asked my Welsh friend how many partners he'd had and he fell asleep.

I started to read that for a second time, then the penny dropped.

[GloverMart]

Our neighbours dog messed in our garden so mum told to me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.

I don't see what that solved, we've still got dog mess in our garden and the neighbours have now got our shovel.

[Pitre]

Rayny said:

Speed Badger said:

Voldemort said:

We were in the pub and the 'body count' thing came up. I asked my Welsh friend how many partners he'd had and he fell asleep.

I started to read that for a second time, then the penny dropped.

Third time for me. D'OH.

[Vipers]

Fench troops have arrived in Greenland to teach the locals how to surrender.

[57Ford]

Think the Greenlanders are quite safe - the US forces are probably going to be ordered to take Iceland.

[Mammasaid]

57Ford said:

Think the Greenlanders are quite safe - the US forces are probably going to be ordered to take Iceland.

[Groomio]

[Still Mulling]

Groomio said:

[shed driver]

Vipers said:

Fench troops have arrived in Greenland to teach the locals how to surrender.

SD.

[silverfoxcc]

My local cinema is showing a remake of Tomny Steele in Half a sixpence'.... It is in 3d

[silverfoxcc]

Very windy yesterday, and i saw a £20.00 blow past me.....took me 30 minutes to catch it

Still it was a good run for my money

[Mammasaid]

silverfoxcc said:

My local cinema is showing a remake of Tommy Steele in Half a sixpence'.... It is in 3d

One for the youngsters there

[phazed]

Pitre said:

Rayny said:

Speed Badger said:

Voldemort said:

We were in the pub and the 'body count' thing came up. I asked my Welsh friend how many partners he'd had and he fell asleep.

I started to read that for a second time, then the penny dropped.

Third time for me. D'OH.

Not me…explain please.

[WH16]

phazed said:

Pitre said:

Rayny said:

Speed Badger said:

Voldemort said:

We were in the pub and the 'body count' thing came up. I asked my Welsh friend how many partners he'd had and he fell asleep.

I started to read that for a second time, then the penny dropped.

Third time for me. D'OH.

Not me explain please.

He was counting sheep.

[Monkeylegend]

George and Bert having finished the pantomime in which they played the cow were having trouble with a stuck zip and couldn't remove the cow costume.

"Never mind" said George who was at the front end, "We can go home to mine and I have some pliers to release the zip"

The trouble was that after the show George had consumed a few pints of strong ale and when they left the village hall still dressed as a cow it was misty and George being rather the worse for wear soon lost his way and they ended up in Farmer Browns field which housed his prize bull.

The bull soon saw them and started to paw the ground with his front hoof and then moved towards them in a menancing fashion.

"What's that thundering noise" said Bert.

"We are in the farmers field and that's his bull charging towards us" said George.

"What are we going to do" said Bert in a panic

"Well I am going to get my head down and pretend to eat some grass" said George "and if I were you I would get ready to brace myself"

[Rayny]

Vipers said:

Fench troops have arrived in Greenland to teach the locals how to surrender.

I almost missed this one.
Thanks for the giggle, Vipers.

[Rayny]

Where's Vaud, some laughs are needed on a wet Friday morning.

[Groomio]

[vaud]

Rayny said:

Where's Vaud, some laughs are needed on a wet Friday morning.

Working but will have some later

[silverfoxcc]

Celine Dion has said that she will be supporting all farmers by removing all the constanants in her name