Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian) an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans walk up to a nightclub.
The doorman scrutinizes the group one by one and stops their entrance saying,
"Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai. "
The doorman scrutinizes the group one by one and stops their entrance saying,
"Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai. "
A man was walking along a beach in California, deep in prayer, stopped and said, “Lord, would you please grant me just one wish?”
Suddenly the sky above clouded over, and the man then heard a booming voice as the Lord replied, “You have have always been faithful to me so I will reward you with one wish.”
The man asked, “will you build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime?”
God replied, “Do you understand the enormous undertaking, the concrete and steel, to build the supports to the bottom of the ocean over thousands of miles to do such a thing? I could do it but it is hard for me to justify your materialistic desire for such a thing. Take a little more time and think of another wish.
The man thought about it for a long time he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I wanna know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”
Suddenly the sky above clouded over, and the man then heard a booming voice as the Lord replied, “You have have always been faithful to me so I will reward you with one wish.”
The man asked, “will you build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime?”
God replied, “Do you understand the enormous undertaking, the concrete and steel, to build the supports to the bottom of the ocean over thousands of miles to do such a thing? I could do it but it is hard for me to justify your materialistic desire for such a thing. Take a little more time and think of another wish.
The man thought about it for a long time he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I wanna know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
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