Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Skyedriver said:
Dyslexic fingers, hitting the two immediately below or to the left of the ones dsahjdsx
I suffer from dyslexic fingers all ‘teh’ time on the computer. Brain and fingers operate at different frequencies and as above, there are a few words which constantly cause bother. A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot were out riding in a car when it crashed into a tree.
The three men found themselves standing at the pearly gates of heaven where St. Peter and the devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the devil said, "due to the fact that heaven is now overcrowded, if anyone can ask me a question which I cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to heaven. If not, then you'll come with me to hell."
The philosopher stepped up and said, "okay, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teaching." A stack of paper appeared next to the devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then go to hell!"
The mathematician asked, "give me the most complicated formula ever theorized." A stack of paper appeared next to the devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then go to hell!"
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "bring me a chair." The devil brought forward a chair. "Drill seven holes on the seat." The devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a really loud and long fart.
Standing up, he said, "which hole did the fart come from?"
The devil inspected the seat and said, "hmm, the third hole from the right." - "Wrong," said the idiot. "It came from my a
hole."
The idiot went to heaven.
The three men found themselves standing at the pearly gates of heaven where St. Peter and the devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the devil said, "due to the fact that heaven is now overcrowded, if anyone can ask me a question which I cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to heaven. If not, then you'll come with me to hell."
The philosopher stepped up and said, "okay, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teaching." A stack of paper appeared next to the devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then go to hell!"
The mathematician asked, "give me the most complicated formula ever theorized." A stack of paper appeared next to the devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then go to hell!"
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "bring me a chair." The devil brought forward a chair. "Drill seven holes on the seat." The devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a really loud and long fart.
Standing up, he said, "which hole did the fart come from?"
The devil inspected the seat and said, "hmm, the third hole from the right." - "Wrong," said the idiot. "It came from my a
hole." The idiot went to heaven.
A young man stopped at a local restaurant after a day of roaming around in Spain.
He sees a man at the next table savoring a magnificent dish two giant meat balls. Curious, he asks the waiter,
"What is that?" The waiter beams: "Ah, señor, Our rare delicacy! In celebration of today's bullfight."
Intrigued and feeling bold, the tourist orders it but is told that they only serve it once a day.
The following night, he returns and orders. The dish arrives… but the meatballs are tiny—barely marbles compared to the hefty orbs he saw before. Confused, he summons the waiter. "Yesterday’s were huge. These are… small. What gives?" The waiter gives a solemn shrug:
"Sí, señor… sometimes, the bull—he wins."
He sees a man at the next table savoring a magnificent dish two giant meat balls. Curious, he asks the waiter,
"What is that?" The waiter beams: "Ah, señor, Our rare delicacy! In celebration of today's bullfight."
Intrigued and feeling bold, the tourist orders it but is told that they only serve it once a day.
The following night, he returns and orders. The dish arrives… but the meatballs are tiny—barely marbles compared to the hefty orbs he saw before. Confused, he summons the waiter. "Yesterday’s were huge. These are… small. What gives?" The waiter gives a solemn shrug:
"Sí, señor… sometimes, the bull—he wins."
to captain_cynic and all the others who find great delight over checking every misspelt, and typo, i offer you my sincere sympathies, if that is the best you get out of life.
There are many on here who are dyslexic and others with learning difficulties, yet you take great delight in taking the piss because of a misstyped letter, which to most others on here does not detract from the joke.
Still carry on if you wish, you just drop another few notches in my estimation of you and your ilk.
There are many on here who are dyslexic and others with learning difficulties, yet you take great delight in taking the piss because of a misstyped letter, which to most others on here does not detract from the joke.
Still carry on if you wish, you just drop another few notches in my estimation of you and your ilk.
silverfoxcc said:
to captain_cynic and all the others who find great delight over checking every misspelt, and typo, i offer you my sincere sympathies, if that is the best you get out of life.
There are many on here who are dyslexic and others with learning difficulties, yet you take great delight in taking the piss because of a misstyped letter, which to most others on here does not detract from the joke.
Still carry on if you wish, you just drop another few notches in my estimation of you and your ilk.
You have some very strange fantasies and by the sounds of it, probably a few issues. There are many on here who are dyslexic and others with learning difficulties, yet you take great delight in taking the piss because of a misstyped letter, which to most others on here does not detract from the joke.
Still carry on if you wish, you just drop another few notches in my estimation of you and your ilk.
I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
captain_cynic said:
You have some very strange fantasies and by the sounds of it, probably a few issues.
I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
You could apologise. I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
Or double down on being a cock.
Odd choice IMO.
remedy said:
captain_cynic said:
You have some very strange fantasies and by the sounds of it, probably a few issues.
I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
You could apologise. I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
Or double down on being a cock.
Odd choice IMO.
t, in this thread, in this case I have to defend him. He was just riffing and made a half decent joke based on an obvious typo with no way of knowing or taking the piss out of anyone's 'ma diSaBiliTy!' remedy said:
captain_cynic said:
You have some very strange fantasies and by the sounds of it, probably a few issues.
I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
You could apologise. I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
Or double down on being a cock.
Odd choice IMO.
I'm not the one who decided to put words in others moths here. Same thing you're doing, the second on to do so to me on this page.
Are you going to apologise?
Thought not.
I can give Silverfox a free pass as he might just be a bit frustrated or otherwise misunderstood the intent or siepit of this thread, I will let him speak for himslelf but you are so far up on that high horse you're getting a nose bleed.
remedy said:
And that is fine as I like to join in with pun chains when they happen. But my point is when the person feels bullied because they are dyslexic, to apologise as it wasn't just a drunken slip of the fingers.
Instead, with that knowledge, CC just keeps going.
And again with the personal attacks.Instead, with that knowledge, CC just keeps going.
Does it make you feel tough?
The irony is you're doing the behaviour you're falsely accusing me of.
captain_cynic said:
remedy said:
captain_cynic said:
You have some very strange fantasies and by the sounds of it, probably a few issues.
I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
You could apologise. I'm the one who argues against language pedantasism. It's daft and only demonstrates a lack of understanding of language. Language is imprecise and constantly in flux. Pedants tend to be stuck in a version of the language they learned and refuse to adapt.
And I'll be the first to admit my spelling and grammar are not stellar either.
But I digress. You made a typo In a joke thread and we ran with it n.the spirit of the.thread. You can get upset and angry or roll with it.
May I suggest we return to our regularly scheduled humour?
Or double down on being a cock.
Odd choice IMO.
I'm not the one who decided to put words in others moths here. Same thing you're doing, the second on to do so to me on this page.
Are you going to apologise?
Thought not.
I can give Silverfox a free pass as he might just be a bit frustrated or otherwise misunderstood the intent or siepit of this thread, I will let him speak for himslelf but you are so far up on that high horse you're getting a nose bleed.
captain_cynic said:
remedy said:
And that is fine as I like to join in with pun chains when they happen. But my point is when the person feels bullied because they are dyslexic, to apologise as it wasn't just a drunken slip of the fingers.
Instead, with that knowledge, CC just keeps going.
And again with the personal attacks.Instead, with that knowledge, CC just keeps going.
Does it make you feel tough?
The irony is you're doing the behaviour you're falsely accusing me of.
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