Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Hol]

Penny Whistle said:

Stealthracer said:

How come that picture is allowed when mine got me a week's ban even though it was asterisked out?

Because it's been seen so many times that they've given up ?

Not unlike a lot of other annual jokes.

Edited now, before the fun police report it to the mods.

[Rayny]

Hol said:

Not unlike a lot of other annual jokes.

Edited now, before the fun police report it to the mods.

Some old jokes do not appear annually:

What has three legs, and rolls over and goes 'woof'?
Piper Alpha

What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts.

Yesterdays temperatures:
London, 4 degrees
Paris, 14 degrees
Athens, 24 degrees
Chernobyl, 2300 degrees.

[57Ford]

Hol said:

Not unlike a lot of other annual jokes.

Edited now, before the fun police report it to the mods.

How come the word ‘track’ has been redacted?

[speedking31]

Don't eat it?

[Hol]

57Ford said:

Hol said:

Not unlike a lot of other annual jokes.

Edited now, before the fun police report it to the mods.

How come the word track has been redacted?

How do you know, the word wasn t Electric ?

[Jermy Claxon]

Hol said:

How do you know, the word wasn t Electric ?

That would be a 2 week ban.

[Kenty]

The English Language
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dog trainers debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
15. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
17. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
18. Ever wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
19. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
20. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that fifth one ENJOYS it?

[a_dreamer]

How many doors does a chicken coop have?

Two. If it had four it would be a chicken saloon

[Stealthracer]

a_dreamer said:

How many doors does a chicken coop have?

Two. If it had four it would be a chicken saloon

Chicken sedan, actually.

You see, that joke doesn't really translate well into English. (Otherwise it would need to be a chicken coupe.)

[Vipers]

I called the tinnitus help line earlier. I didn’t get an answer

It just kept ringing.

[MartG]

Stealthracer said:

Chicken sedan, actually.

Are you American ?

Saloon is a perfectly acceptable term for a 4 door car in the UK, whereas 'sedan' is rarely used here

[timbo999]

MartG said:

Stealthracer said:

Chicken sedan, actually.

Are you American ?

Saloon is a perfectly acceptable term for a 4 door car in the UK, whereas 'sedan' is rarely used here

Try reading the whole of his post... then try understanding it...

[Cold]

timbo999 said:

MartG said:

Stealthracer said:

Chicken sedan, actually.

Are you American ?

Saloon is a perfectly acceptable term for a 4 door car in the UK, whereas 'sedan' is rarely used here

Try reading the whole of his post... then try understanding it...

Indeed, it sounds like it's A Very British Coupe.

[Stealthracer]

MartG said:

Are you American ?

Saloon is a perfectly acceptable term for a 4 door car in the UK, whereas 'sedan' is rarely used here

Yes, but this side of the Atlantic, we say coop for chickens, but a car is a coopay.

[/kitten dissection]

[Skyedriver]

Stealthracer said:

Yes, but this side of the Atlantic, we say coop for chickens, but a car is a coopay.

[/kitten dissection]

I've never said Chicken coop, never had the need to.
OTOH Coop is a shop. Big blue sign


They do sell chickens (dead, whole and in bits).

[Rayny]

Vipers said:

I called the tinnitus help line earlier. I didn t get an answer

It just kept ringing.

I almost missed that one - Thanks, Vipers, for cheering up a wet Wednesday.

[Stealthracer]

"Hello, incontinence helpline ... please hold ... "


"Hello, drugs advice helpline ... for marijuana, press hash ... "

[a_dreamer]

Why shouldn't you buy trousers from Ukraine?


Because Chernobyl fall out.

[glenrobbo]

MartG said:

Are you American ?

Saloon is a perfectly acceptable term for a 4 door car in the UK, whereas 'sedan' is rarely used here

The people all said "Sedan!"
"Sedan! You're rocking the boat!"

[vaud]