Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Her: Why did some girl send you a photo of herself in a thong?
Him: … Umm … I was thinking of buying it for you.
Her: So why has she now sent you a photo of herself without the thong?
Him: … Umm … she must have sold it.
What does the bank call it when someone can’t pay for sex reassignment surgery?
Trans Action Declined.
Two crooks were holding up an off licence.
One said to the cashier, “Is this whisky?”
He replied, “Yes, but not as wisky as wobbin a bank.”
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
If all the good ones are taken, you just stick it in a disabled one and hope no-one finds out.
What happens when you get a medium in to do an exorcism then can’t pay him?
You get repossessed.
Did you hear about the two mime artists who had sex?
They did unspeakable things to each other.
What happens to an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What do you call an overweight person who can contact the dead?
A large.
Him: … Umm … I was thinking of buying it for you.
Her: So why has she now sent you a photo of herself without the thong?
Him: … Umm … she must have sold it.
What does the bank call it when someone can’t pay for sex reassignment surgery?
Trans Action Declined.
Two crooks were holding up an off licence.
One said to the cashier, “Is this whisky?”
He replied, “Yes, but not as wisky as wobbin a bank.”
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
If all the good ones are taken, you just stick it in a disabled one and hope no-one finds out.
What happens when you get a medium in to do an exorcism then can’t pay him?
You get repossessed.
Did you hear about the two mime artists who had sex?
They did unspeakable things to each other.
What happens to an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What do you call an overweight person who can contact the dead?
A large.
What do you call a deer without legs, without ears, in a southern European country, smouldering after a fire on its back was put out, without eyes, on a hard shoulder of a motorway?
Still deaf in Italy no flaming eyed deer by the way.
.
What do you call rude bees?
Boo bees.
.
What did the hat say to the bra?
I will go ahead, you give these two a lift.
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender,
'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
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