Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
“Incontinence helpline, please hold.”
People don’t understand evolution.
I was talking to an Australian the other day, and he tried to tell me that he came from Darwin.
Did you hear about the gay tennis umpire?
He said it took a lot of courage to come OUT!!!
What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on the same book for years?
Church.
Yesterday I thought up a great premature ejaculation joke.
It suddenly came out of nowhere.
A man walked into a doctor’s surgery and said, “Doctor, I’ve got this terrible problem, I keep thinking I’m a moth.”
The doctor said, “Actually I’m a GP not a psychiatrist.”
The man said, “I know, but I was passing and noticed your light was on.”
The bad news about getting old: Women don’t chase me as often as they used to.
The good news: When they do, I’m easier to catch.
Definition of horse sense:
That thing a horse has which stops him betting on people.
I didn’t believe the woman next door’s dog could talk, until she sat him on a sheet of sandpaper and asked, “How does that feel?”
“Drugs helpline, for marijuana, press hash.”
People don’t understand evolution.
I was talking to an Australian the other day, and he tried to tell me that he came from Darwin.
Did you hear about the gay tennis umpire?
He said it took a lot of courage to come OUT!!!
What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on the same book for years?
Church.
Yesterday I thought up a great premature ejaculation joke.
It suddenly came out of nowhere.
A man walked into a doctor’s surgery and said, “Doctor, I’ve got this terrible problem, I keep thinking I’m a moth.”
The doctor said, “Actually I’m a GP not a psychiatrist.”
The man said, “I know, but I was passing and noticed your light was on.”
The bad news about getting old: Women don’t chase me as often as they used to.
The good news: When they do, I’m easier to catch.
Definition of horse sense:
That thing a horse has which stops him betting on people.
I didn’t believe the woman next door’s dog could talk, until she sat him on a sheet of sandpaper and asked, “How does that feel?”
“Drugs helpline, for marijuana, press hash.”
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
The following conversation occurred between a President and Vice President following a press briefing
P Hey VP you are looking concerned
VP There were a few reporters looking at you and mouthing csan you smell that?
P What are you saying?
VP Well, err , umm you shat yourself during the meeting
P I did not
VP it isn’t how the room reacted, and i must agree
P So
VP Could you drop your trousers so we can confirm it
P Sure
The P drops his pants and the VP is met with a massive pile of fecal matter
VP Mr P you HAVE s
t yourself
P That was yesterday
The following conversation occurred between a President and Vice President following a press briefing
P Hey VP you are looking concerned
VP There were a few reporters looking at you and mouthing csan you smell that?
P What are you saying?
VP Well, err , umm you shat yourself during the meeting
P I did not
VP it isn’t how the room reacted, and i must agree
P So
VP Could you drop your trousers so we can confirm it
P Sure
The P drops his pants and the VP is met with a massive pile of fecal matter
VP Mr P you HAVE s
t yourselfP That was yesterday
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