The Boredom of a Relationship

The Boredom of a Relationship

Author
Discussion

Jamescrs

4,443 posts

64 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Jcwjosh said:
I really need to take a leaf out of your book. How old are your children. Since my son was born i have turned into a small jabba the hut as i cannot get to the gym 6 times a week at 6 am like i used to.

Please excuse the intrusive question but what time do you go to bed ?

I am feeling pretty low about my appearance as before son i was in a good place physically, now my sleep is patchy at best which doesnt help but i need to know how to get back to the pre baby me appearance wise.
Happy to answer the questions,

My kids are 5 and 10 (near enough)

I go to bed between 9:30 and 10pm, depending on what i'm watching on TV with the Mrs, we tend to binge watch box sets on Netflix/ Amazon etc and if an episode finishes whenever between those times then that's it really. I'm usually asleep by 10:30. I'm up at 4:30 on work days, having packed my work clothes into my car the night before and my gym bag so I throw my training clothes on and straight to the gym, I will be in there before 5am and it's a 24 hour gym with keyfob access so I just let myself in.

I'll train till around 6:45 then straight to the office where I shower and change and i'll be sat at my desk eating breakfast by 7:40am (I officially start at 8am).

I train two days on and one day off including weekends, if i'm in the gym at the weekend i'll get up at 5am instead. I could go later on weekends but I like to go when it's dead, I don't really socialise with people in the gym past saying hello to the regulars I see.

Jimmy No Hands

5,007 posts

155 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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I think it's fairly common to lust and have these intrusive thoughts, especially if another women shows interest. I've been in similar scenarios (partner of 12 years) where I've had the green light and I've had to have a serious word with myself. For me I think the rush comes directly from being 'wanted' again, especially if you erm, were a bit promiscuous in your youth.

In reality, what would the outcome be? A bit of fun to invalidate 12 years? An incredibly messy break up and people getting really hurt? It would never end well.

Relationships do go stale, they require constant upkeep and maintenance. I don't think the answer is stoving in another bird, like.

MrBig

2,637 posts

128 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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so called said:
We've been together 45 years now and will have been married 39 years this year.
I love my wife, always have.

That said, I've had a bit of the best of both worlds.
For 22 years, up until 2017, I worked away, getting home 3 months per year.
I had an apartment in Germany which I would spend around 3 months per year.
The remaining 6 months was split between mainly travelling around North America and India and then various other countries.around the world.
That said, my trousers were not in control of my activities.

It felt a lot like being single most of the time while having daily communications with my Wife.
I used to take a month off in the summer and we would 'reconnect' with our annual 'adventure' drive down to Spain.

My Wife used to describe it as the perfect marriage.

Since 2017 is has taken me these last 5 years to come to terms that those fun times are over.
I've now started to appreciate what I have here at home and love it.
Should we be reading between the lines here?

As for the OP. He needs to be single and get a housekeeper. Problem solved.

Whats on Second

732 posts

32 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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MrBig said:
Should we be reading between the lines here?

As for the OP. He needs to be single and get a housekeeper. Problem solved.
seems that way, he's like the village cad from a bad Bronte novel,

123DWA

1,266 posts

102 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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105.4 said:
@Andy

The short answer is, you don’t love the lady you are with. You might think you do, but you don’t.

I used to get bored with girls easily, shag around. Then I met my Wife. From the moment I first saw her I just knew, (as corny as it sounds), that I wanted to share the rest of my life with her.
It sounds so cliché but this is so true. Before I met my current partner I was never faithful in any of my relationships & it never bothered me one bit, I would have no remorse for any women that I'd upset with my actions. Around 2 months after I met my current partner one of my old flames messaged me and asked if I'd like to pop round one afternoon and it just wasn't something I wanted to do . Even 7yrs later the thought of cheating on her has never once crossed my mind.

I think it also helps that my partner works night shifts so sometimes we wont see each other for a whole week & don't speak much on the phone because if I'm at work she's sleeping & vice versa. We enjoy the time we have with each other a lot more and I couldn't even tell you the last time we had a squabble about something.

Speed Badger

2,667 posts

116 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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The real bugger comes when you're in a long term relationship and you fall in love with someone else harder than you ever have, and lust is not a factor whatsoever. Just being in their company is enough.

croyde

22,696 posts

229 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Or when you are still head over heels with your ex girlfriend.

popeyewhite

19,618 posts

119 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Single most important factor is your own happiness OP.

NB
As you get older what makes you happy can change.

Jimmy No Hands

5,007 posts

155 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Speed Badger said:
The real bugger comes when you're in a long term relationship and you fall in love with someone else harder than you ever have, and lust is not a factor whatsoever. Just being in their company is enough.
It's okay saying that, but wouldn't the same happen again? If you're with somebody, they must have been 'enough' at one point or another.

so called

9,073 posts

208 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Whats on Second said:
MrBig said:
Should we be reading between the lines here?

As for the OP. He needs to be single and get a housekeeper. Problem solved.
seems that way, he's like the village cad from a bad Bronte novel,
Nothing much to read other than I had a great working experience over two decades of travelling away from home.

As I said, I wasn't led by my pants so it wasn't about chasing skirt.
Planning meetings at a good location to maximise the weekend.
Friday meeting in LA before a nice weekend drive up to San Francisco for a Monday meeting.
Montreal for the F1 weekend, Miami for a weekend drive down the Keys.

As someone said, the OP may be better with a Housekeeper so not risking hurting others.
Maybe in time he'll calm down.

bern

1,262 posts

219 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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You appear to have summarised yourself quite accurately in the TL;DR section!

But then again I am probably the antithesis of you. 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow, been together 24 years. Only person I've ever slept with and perfectly happy with that. She's given me 2 smashing lads and no one could ever replicate that. Our relationship isn't perfect by any stretch but it definitely works.

Genuinely hope you do find someone you love and have kids etc.

Vasco

16,475 posts

104 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Seems that you need to find someone to love, not just sex. If you love someone, you'll know - and not feel the urge to shag everything else.
Unfortunately, a lot of men always think the grass is greener elsewhere, but then regret it when it invariably goes wrong.
For you, it's probably best to forget love or marriage, you're not suited to anything serious.

Ilovejapcrap

3,274 posts

111 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Have a wk

croyde

22,696 posts

229 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Ilovejapcrap said:
Have a wk
As a mate once said:

You've gotta get the badness out!

Monkeylegend

26,225 posts

230 months

Monday 6th June 2022
quotequote all
Ilovejapcrap said:
Have a wk
At last, a bit of class introduced to the thread.

Whats on Second

732 posts

32 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Ilovejapcrap said:
Have a wk
a short term solution, a quick fix, a drop in the ocean.

masturbation will not alleviate the intense problems that
are at the heart of the dilemma the OP has outlined, I feel you already know this.

105.4

4,065 posts

70 months

Monday 6th June 2022
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Monkeylegend said:
Ilovejapcrap said:
Have a wk
At last, a bit of class introduced to the thread.
hehe

Ilovejapcrap

3,274 posts

111 months

Monday 6th June 2022
quotequote all
Whats on Second said:
Ilovejapcrap said:
Have a wk
a short term solution, a quick fix, a drop in the ocean.

masturbation will not alleviate the intense problems that
are at the heart of the dilemma the OP has outlined, I feel you already know this.
True I do, and I hope OP realised it was a joke.

OP I think a lot of people feel like this to be honest, however as the old saying goes, you can’t have your cake and it eat.

A few friends of mine who took on this mindset then got married / children etc have never looked back and a few have not. Only you can decide what is right for you.

R56Cooper

2,385 posts

222 months

Tuesday 7th June 2022
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If you're cheating on your mrs, I do think you owe it to her to be honest and break it off.

Let's be honest, lots of girls want kids and the biological clock is a real issue for them. If you're wasting 5 years of her time, that's potentially going to set her back several more years before she feels comfortable with her new partner to have kids, by which point fertility levels will have dropped.

Bottom line is there is no right and wrong approach to your life. Personally, I love having kids and doing the whole family man thing, albeit at times I wish I could just shoot off on my own and spend a weekend hiking in the mountains but it's just not practical. Likewise, I see single mates who are off shagging different girls every weekend and part of me is envious but I'm sure they have their moments when they crave that stability and comfort of family.

On a lighter note, it sounds to me like the perfect solution may be to find a partner with whom you can enjoy "The Lifestyle" hehe

Gareth79

7,628 posts

245 months

Tuesday 7th June 2022
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popeyewhite said:
Single most important factor is your own happiness OP.

NB
As you get older what makes you happy can change.
However making oneself happy at the expense of another person's wellbeing is not on.

Some women will hang on hoping their OH will change and to hopefully avoid the wasted time/effort, or perhaps they don't have the mental will (or money) to move on.