The Boredom of a Relationship
Discussion
How old are your and your girlfriend OP?
I was a lot like you (to a lesser extent) in my late 20s. Bored in the relationship covered it. I lived with a lovely girl, we got on really well, but I still had a bit of an eye for the ladies. Not to the extent that you actively pursue it, but if an opportunity came my way and I knew I wouldn't get caught I would take it. I used to always regret it afterwards and had a lot of feelings of guilt about it.
A close mate and partner in crime was in the exact same situation, so on Millennium Eve we had a chat about it and agreed we were treating our respective girlfriends like a convenience and wouldn't be happy if they were say, our sister or female friend being treated in the same way. We further agreed that we should either marry them, or call it a day.
My pal married his, but continued the odd dalliance. He's subsequently made loads of money, is terrified of losing it in a divorce, so behaves himself.
I broke up with mine, played the field guilt-free as a single man for a decade, filled my boots but ultimately found it unsatisfying.
One night whilst out in a bar totally not looking to meet anyone - I had been to a festival, was covered in mud, wearing walking boots and a cagoule - I bumped into my now wife in a dive bar. We have been together ever since, married 10yrs and I've honestly not strayed from the path once, not even thought about it. I have got a lovely home life. a great kid, fun wife, why would I want to lose all that? I guess you could say I grew up.
Ask yourself this: do you want to end up giving lots of your money to divorce lawyers or funding a house you don't live in? That's the way you sound like you will eventually end up if you carry on like this.
TL;DR stop being a s
t to your girlfriend, be honest with her, if she wants to settle down and you don't then don't steal her best years,
I was a lot like you (to a lesser extent) in my late 20s. Bored in the relationship covered it. I lived with a lovely girl, we got on really well, but I still had a bit of an eye for the ladies. Not to the extent that you actively pursue it, but if an opportunity came my way and I knew I wouldn't get caught I would take it. I used to always regret it afterwards and had a lot of feelings of guilt about it.
A close mate and partner in crime was in the exact same situation, so on Millennium Eve we had a chat about it and agreed we were treating our respective girlfriends like a convenience and wouldn't be happy if they were say, our sister or female friend being treated in the same way. We further agreed that we should either marry them, or call it a day.
My pal married his, but continued the odd dalliance. He's subsequently made loads of money, is terrified of losing it in a divorce, so behaves himself.
I broke up with mine, played the field guilt-free as a single man for a decade, filled my boots but ultimately found it unsatisfying.
One night whilst out in a bar totally not looking to meet anyone - I had been to a festival, was covered in mud, wearing walking boots and a cagoule - I bumped into my now wife in a dive bar. We have been together ever since, married 10yrs and I've honestly not strayed from the path once, not even thought about it. I have got a lovely home life. a great kid, fun wife, why would I want to lose all that? I guess you could say I grew up.
Ask yourself this: do you want to end up giving lots of your money to divorce lawyers or funding a house you don't live in? That's the way you sound like you will eventually end up if you carry on like this.
TL;DR stop being a s
t to your girlfriend, be honest with her, if she wants to settle down and you don't then don't steal her best years, otolith said:
popeyewhite said:
And that's not happening. And If you seriously suggest an individual should stay in a relationship to avoid making their partner unhappy you're more crackers than a cheese cracker.
They should not. But if they are temperamentally unsuited to long term loving monogamous relationships they shouldn't get into what the other person thinks is one.popeyewhite said:
otolith said:
popeyewhite said:
And that's not happening. And If you seriously suggest an individual should stay in a relationship to avoid making their partner unhappy you're more crackers than a cheese cracker.
They should not. But if they are temperamentally unsuited to long term loving monogamous relationships they shouldn't get into what the other person thinks is one.otolith said:
popeyewhite said:
otolith said:
popeyewhite said:
And that's not happening. And If you seriously suggest an individual should stay in a relationship to avoid making their partner unhappy you're more crackers than a cheese cracker.
They should not. But if they are temperamentally unsuited to long term loving monogamous relationships they shouldn't get into what the other person thinks is one.otolith said:
Mallard126 said:
OP I've only seen one other reference to it in the thread (from R56Cooper IIRC) but the ideal solution for you could be getting into the swinging lifestyle. You and your fine lady both get to have lots of fun then go home together. Some people would get possessive or jealous but to others sex is just another fun thing that you do and isn't necessarily exclusive. Cuddles on the sofa are much more intimate IMHO.
Come on OP, come back and let's hear what you have to say!!
popeyewhite said:
Moving from 'they' to 'he' now? OK, anyway the OP is still entitled to choose his own relationship. Your values are not his, and that makes him neither right nor wrong, just different from you.
Indeed, some people's values do not include avoiding doing harm to others. PurpleTurtle said:
TL;DR stop being a st to your girlfriend, be honest with her, if she wants to settle down and you don't then don't steal her best years,
Absolutely this. With our going into much detail my current girlfriend has had this. t to your girlfriend, be honest with her, if she wants to settle down and you don't then don't steal her best years, You can see it too on photos on her Facebook from previous years that she just doesn’t look happy. There’s a smile on the photos of course but the expression and the eyes completely give it away.
The way that she can smile when we are together is seriously not the smiles I’ve seen in photos.
To waste each other’s time and just be unhappy is just not the way to be. Sucks the soul out of you both.
Easy for me to say though. I’m 46 and been there and got the t shirt in failing relationships.
otolith said:
popeyewhite said:
Moving from 'they' to 'he' now? OK, anyway the OP is still entitled to choose his own relationship. Your values are not his, and that makes him neither right nor wrong, just different from you.
Indeed, some people's values do not include avoiding doing harm to others. STe_rsv4 said:
Jcwjosh said:
Lord Marylebone said:
A friend of mine was/is the same. It was unbelievable. As soon as he turned 15/16 he had women, of all ages, absolutely throwing themselves at at him. He looked like a cross between Hugh Jackman and David Gandy, and on top of that, he was essentially a Sociopath. A social chameleon who knew how to chat up any women of any age or background, and tell them whatever they want to hear, but he would also know exactly what to say to 'get rid of them' afterwards. It was like a production line.
I remember during the University years he was absolutely out of control. Getting more and more caught up in spinning webs of lies to all the women he had been with, drinking heavily all the time, and by his own admission, being completely unable to control his urges. One night we were walking through Manchester on a student night out, and he got wolf-whistled at by some chav girls in tracksuits sat on a bench, so he walked over to them, and ended up having sex with one behind a shop, then he caught us up at the bar, met a girl he had been seeing and had sex with her in a toilet cubicle, then on the way home to his flat, the rough as old boots female taxi driver kept eyeing him up in the mirror, and he ended up having sex with her when they got back to his. Then when he finished with the taxi driver, he would go back out again to stalk the late night kebab shops to chat up yet another girl before the morning.
That kind of night out wasn't uncommon. Having sex with a different woman each week wasn't enough. He would be at it with several a night if the opportunity arose. Many of his conquests came about from simply walking past a girl in the street or in a bar, stopping them, being Mr Smooth and telling them how pretty they were, and before you know it they were doing it back at his place.
I added loads more detail, but then deleted it as some of it is extremely grim. Long story short, after Uni, he ended up in a relationship with the daughter of a very wealthy businessman (Sunday Time Rich List type chap), who was an absolutely lovely girl, she was head over heels for him, and we thought that was it, even he wouldn't be daft enough to mess that up, and it would sort him out. It didn't, the lying and cheating started after only a few months, the drinking spiralled out of control, and his life just fell apart from there. Again.
He was a complete train wreck for years, but still managing to talk himself into well paid jobs and maintain a thin veneer of middle-class respectability, and hiding his secret life at nights and weekends. Recently he got married and appears to be making efforts to settle down, but I would be very surprised if he remained faithful.
For nearly 20 years he was practically famous as being the 'lad of all lads', rumours that he had slept with 1000 women, was the absolute life and soul of any party, was hilarious and charming, but the reality was that he was an absolute tragedy. He clearly has deep rooted mental issues and I wouldn't swap lives with him for anything.
Possibly some kind of I remember during the University years he was absolutely out of control. Getting more and more caught up in spinning webs of lies to all the women he had been with, drinking heavily all the time, and by his own admission, being completely unable to control his urges. One night we were walking through Manchester on a student night out, and he got wolf-whistled at by some chav girls in tracksuits sat on a bench, so he walked over to them, and ended up having sex with one behind a shop, then he caught us up at the bar, met a girl he had been seeing and had sex with her in a toilet cubicle, then on the way home to his flat, the rough as old boots female taxi driver kept eyeing him up in the mirror, and he ended up having sex with her when they got back to his. Then when he finished with the taxi driver, he would go back out again to stalk the late night kebab shops to chat up yet another girl before the morning.
That kind of night out wasn't uncommon. Having sex with a different woman each week wasn't enough. He would be at it with several a night if the opportunity arose. Many of his conquests came about from simply walking past a girl in the street or in a bar, stopping them, being Mr Smooth and telling them how pretty they were, and before you know it they were doing it back at his place.
I added loads more detail, but then deleted it as some of it is extremely grim. Long story short, after Uni, he ended up in a relationship with the daughter of a very wealthy businessman (Sunday Time Rich List type chap), who was an absolutely lovely girl, she was head over heels for him, and we thought that was it, even he wouldn't be daft enough to mess that up, and it would sort him out. It didn't, the lying and cheating started after only a few months, the drinking spiralled out of control, and his life just fell apart from there. Again.
He was a complete train wreck for years, but still managing to talk himself into well paid jobs and maintain a thin veneer of middle-class respectability, and hiding his secret life at nights and weekends. Recently he got married and appears to be making efforts to settle down, but I would be very surprised if he remained faithful.
For nearly 20 years he was practically famous as being the 'lad of all lads', rumours that he had slept with 1000 women, was the absolute life and soul of any party, was hilarious and charming, but the reality was that he was an absolute tragedy. He clearly has deep rooted mental issues and I wouldn't swap lives with him for anything.
Must admit when I was aboard 19 my best mate came back from a year in France with a French chap. They then worked as professional waiters.
French chap was so devastatingly good looking, anywhere he walked into, women just lost it. Never to this day have I seen anything like.
But he was an utter gentleman with it all. Fantastic bloke.
AndyC_123 said:
Bit of a rambling one, apologies in advance.
Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
How old are you?Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
Sex with someone new is always thrilling. There are plenty of people who chase this thrill and love semi permanent single lives.
It's not worth it. Spending almost all your spare time thinking of must get back on a app or who will you spend x with.
Stop thinking what if.
Would you be happy knowing that your partner had settled down, too late for regrets?
Relax life is great as it is. I could have moved on as could my wife no doubt. I'm happy. I have a relative who is in perpetual new relationship mode. No children, lives alone. Has dreams but its been so long could she even slot into a living with someone phase now?
I was never goof looking enough to be a player. You'll be in competition with alot of good looking blokes!
Edited by Hugo Stiglitz on Tuesday 7th June 19:54
I'm sailing too close to 30 now and unlike many of you, I've been a complete failure when it comes to chasing women and relationships. So I've never played the field or had multiple women on the go.
But some of my friends have, and there are some who seem stuck in relationships and miss the single life. From what I've seen, men (I include myself) struggle to realise the grass isn't always greener and don't appreciate. The amount of times I've surprised them by saying I'd swap lives and settle down with an amazing woman is pretty high.
I think OP you need to assess what you want first and then talk to her. Life is too short to settle for unhappy relationships
Michael
But some of my friends have, and there are some who seem stuck in relationships and miss the single life. From what I've seen, men (I include myself) struggle to realise the grass isn't always greener and don't appreciate. The amount of times I've surprised them by saying I'd swap lives and settle down with an amazing woman is pretty high.
I think OP you need to assess what you want first and then talk to her. Life is too short to settle for unhappy relationships
Michael
AndyC_123 said:
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
This is going to sound unpleasant but I mean this in the nicest possible way: You've answered your own question. AndyC_123 said:
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone?
Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
Sounds like you need to grow out of the mindset of a narcissistic adolescent. Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
popeyewhite said:
otolith said:
popeyewhite said:
Moving from 'they' to 'he' now? OK, anyway the OP is still entitled to choose his own relationship. Your values are not his, and that makes him neither right nor wrong, just different from you.
Indeed, some people's values do not include avoiding doing harm to others. I'm not judging him based on whether he prefers long term monogamy, f
kbuddies, one night stands or brasses, I'm saying that whatever he does it's only decent if the other person knows that's the deal. That's according to my values, which are roughly "treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself". I realise you may have different values.
Wish said:
I take it you’ve never felt the pain of being cheated on.
If you are messing about, end it with the GF don’t drag her down.
We only get one life. Enjoy yours however you see fit, just don’t hurt others in the process.
Pretty hard to split up with someone without hurting them, but yes, this is the route of least hurt. If you are messing about, end it with the GF don’t drag her down.
We only get one life. Enjoy yours however you see fit, just don’t hurt others in the process.
Some people (a minority) I grant you, just aren’t built for relationships and happy to go through life in a series of chapters.
The world doesn’t need more people in it, so whether you ‘settle down with a wife and kids’ or not doesn’t make any difference in the grand scheme of things.
Just choose your happy life I guess.
The world doesn’t need more people in it, so whether you ‘settle down with a wife and kids’ or not doesn’t make any difference in the grand scheme of things.
Just choose your happy life I guess.
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