Stupid Sayings (That You Like)

[dudleybloke]

carreauchompeur said:

robsco said:

Ross1988 said:

Sunglasses Ron said:

A face like a melted welly

Jack Dee with a face like a....

Grieving cod?

deformed bollok?

[ToyotaJim]

Miguel Alvarez said:

My current favoourite came from this forum.

"I bet she goes like a bat in a biscuit tin"

mental image

[Ricky_M]

On the subject of ladies parts, some crackers I've heard:

I didn't know whether to fk it or wipe my feet in it!

or

I didn't know whether to fk it or fight it!

[jonesey]

I'd go like a dog on hot chips.

When talking about sampling some favourable female taco.

[Sunglasses Ron]

Ricky_M said:

On the subject of ladies parts, some crackers I've heard:

I didn't know whether to fk it or wipe my feet in it!

or

I didn't know whether to fk it or fight it!

Similarly:

I didn't know whether to ride her up the arse or ride her into battle.

[StevieBee]

when referring to a less than pleasant looking lady....

"If I had a dog that looked like that I'd smack its arse and teach it to walk backwards"

[fathomfive]

"as pissed as your nans mattress"

Courtesy of Viz.

[blindswelledrat]

McSam said:

"Beef curtain" is the alternative I have to your first..

I quite liked that the first time I heard it back when I was seven.
THen by the time I was 8 and had heard it two thousand times, plus had grown up a year, it wasn't very funny.
Then nine came around. I was really growing up a bit and every unfunny person in the world used this thinking it was funny so you heard it soooo many times. It was really getting on my tits.
In the 25 years since then I have not only become an adult, but heard that approximately 6 million times from eager jokesters hoping and praying for one last laugh out of it. Probably the most tedious, least funny, overused expression of all time.

[Benten]

Looks like a bulldog licking piss of a nettle.

[evenflow]

blindswelledrat said:

McSam said:

"Beef curtain" is the alternative I have to your first..

I quite liked that the first time I heard it back when I was seven.
THen by the time I was 8 and had heard it two thousand times, plus had grown up a year, it wasn't very funny.
Then nine came around. I was really growing up a bit and every unfunny person in the world used this thinking it was funny so you heard it soooo many times. It was really getting on my tits.
In the 25 years since then I have not only become an adult, but heard that approximately 6 million times from eager jokesters hoping and praying for one last laugh out of it. Probably the most tedious, least funny, overused expression of all time.

Is "bacon drapes" any better?

[blindswelledrat]

evenflow said:

Is "bacon drapes" any better?

Not really. Well a bit. But not much.

[Davey S2]

A post on another forum about a blokes girlfriend who looked to be slightly bow legged:

'She couldnt stop a greased pig in a passage'

[bigandclever]

blindswelledrat said:

evenflow said:

Is "bacon drapes" any better?

Not really. Well a bit. But not much.

What about 'gorilla autopsy'?

[cbrown88]

Wouldn't even fk her over the head with a brick.

Fanny like a badly packed kebab.

A plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a Weasel.

[V8mate]

blindswelledrat said:

In the 25 years since then I have not only become an adult, ...

I'd like a second opinion.

[JCB123]

Him: "That went down like a lead balloon..."

Me: "Ah, quite well then?!"

[Mactheknife]

Face like melted lego......

[Marcia]

It's like trying to catch a fart with a tennis racket.

[AtWork]

Colder than a witch's tit.

[sneijder]

bigandclever said:

blindswelledrat said:

evenflow said:

Is "bacon drapes" any better?

Not really. Well a bit. But not much.

What about 'gorilla autopsy'?

Toothless Gibbon ? Stamped Bat ?