Discussion
You're not alone Mouse. I'm going through hell at the minute, and like yourself I've come to the realisation that I'm on my own. I can't have Anti-depressants because of the Bipolar. I rang the Depression and Anxiety service only to be told I can't use their services because of the Bipolar. It's a joke. I'm under the care of Community Mental health, but haven't heard a thing from them in the month since I was put under their care. I'm really struggling at the minute, but nobody seems to give a toss.
Bizarrely, I find that posting on forums, much as you have, helps a lot. It's odd but speaking to other people with mental health issues is of far more help than the Mental Health services in this country.
Bizarrely, I find that posting on forums, much as you have, helps a lot. It's odd but speaking to other people with mental health issues is of far more help than the Mental Health services in this country.
Thought I should post here and see if it helps me and anyone else. It may not be depression , but I sure as hell fell like crap.
Feeling really rubbish at the moment, not mood wise but thoughts wise. A bit of background.
My father was really ill for 2 years in hospital and towards the end they found cancer which finished him off. During his stay in hospital, myself and my family carried out daily visits and the emotional toll of that and the tiredness affected the relationship between myself and my wife. My father passed away in January this year and we are all still feeling the effects. May father used to live with us and we all loved him dearly. He was a special person.
Our family is at breaking point with squabllles and my married life has taken a beating. Just after my father died, a month maybe, my wife and I had pretty strained relations. This was when I noticed that she became friends on Facebook with a couple of guys from her hometown. One guy I had heard of , the other i did not. They were exchanging messages in private and I became a little suspicious. I then did something which I'm not terribly proud of, I had a look through her messages and whilst there was nothing to be immediately worried about, there was talk of reliving their youth and meeting up when she was next in the hometown. A check a couple of days later showed she had deleted some of those messages. A couple of weeks later she had planned to go to her hometown for a few nights on her own. I started to panic that she was planning something. I made it difficult for her to go and she relented.
I did not say anything about the messages or my suspicions to her as I thought I was being insecure. This changed from day to day , sometimes I would forget about it and other times It kept me up at night. I love my wife dearly and she is really everything I want but no one is perfect and she has her flaws as do I. She has never given me reason to beleive that she has cheated or will cheat,but I can't get that thought out of my head.
Things came to a head a couple of weeks ago when talking to someone who knew her years ago, I asked who my wife was seeing before I came along as she never discussed it with me. The someone unprompted told me , yes she was seeing the facebook friend for a couple of years prior to me.
My heart sank, I felt sick . I confronted her and told her everything and she insists that thye were just old friends from college and he was fond of her but never went anywhere. Part of me wants to beleive her but the other part questions why she woud delete messages and not show up on any of his posts involving his family or wife. He had a birthdday recently and rather than posting on his wall, she sent him a message. This all may not be anything, but I dont think I'm being that irrational. Yes I have been feeling very alone and numb since my father died and maybe i was insecure and his loss has maybe magnified it, but I think any husband would feel what i'm feeling?
After the confrontiation, she suggested I speak to someone to get help. I agreed but deep inside, I'm thinking this was the perfect deflection on her part.
I spoke with IAPT and have an appointment coming up with a counsellor which I'm hoping will help me figure out my head.
Just wanted to put this out there.
Thanks
Feeling really rubbish at the moment, not mood wise but thoughts wise. A bit of background.
My father was really ill for 2 years in hospital and towards the end they found cancer which finished him off. During his stay in hospital, myself and my family carried out daily visits and the emotional toll of that and the tiredness affected the relationship between myself and my wife. My father passed away in January this year and we are all still feeling the effects. May father used to live with us and we all loved him dearly. He was a special person.
Our family is at breaking point with squabllles and my married life has taken a beating. Just after my father died, a month maybe, my wife and I had pretty strained relations. This was when I noticed that she became friends on Facebook with a couple of guys from her hometown. One guy I had heard of , the other i did not. They were exchanging messages in private and I became a little suspicious. I then did something which I'm not terribly proud of, I had a look through her messages and whilst there was nothing to be immediately worried about, there was talk of reliving their youth and meeting up when she was next in the hometown. A check a couple of days later showed she had deleted some of those messages. A couple of weeks later she had planned to go to her hometown for a few nights on her own. I started to panic that she was planning something. I made it difficult for her to go and she relented.
I did not say anything about the messages or my suspicions to her as I thought I was being insecure. This changed from day to day , sometimes I would forget about it and other times It kept me up at night. I love my wife dearly and she is really everything I want but no one is perfect and she has her flaws as do I. She has never given me reason to beleive that she has cheated or will cheat,but I can't get that thought out of my head.
Things came to a head a couple of weeks ago when talking to someone who knew her years ago, I asked who my wife was seeing before I came along as she never discussed it with me. The someone unprompted told me , yes she was seeing the facebook friend for a couple of years prior to me.
My heart sank, I felt sick . I confronted her and told her everything and she insists that thye were just old friends from college and he was fond of her but never went anywhere. Part of me wants to beleive her but the other part questions why she woud delete messages and not show up on any of his posts involving his family or wife. He had a birthdday recently and rather than posting on his wall, she sent him a message. This all may not be anything, but I dont think I'm being that irrational. Yes I have been feeling very alone and numb since my father died and maybe i was insecure and his loss has maybe magnified it, but I think any husband would feel what i'm feeling?
After the confrontiation, she suggested I speak to someone to get help. I agreed but deep inside, I'm thinking this was the perfect deflection on her part.
I spoke with IAPT and have an appointment coming up with a counsellor which I'm hoping will help me figure out my head.
Just wanted to put this out there.
Thanks
Edited by fisheggs on Tuesday 13th June 14:49
If it helps I too was in a similar situation, although not quite the same.
My GF at the time wouldn't bother to speak to me much or hang out but would spend loads of time talking online to other blokes (car girl).
She told me not to panic and that I was being stupid but the reality was very much different.
I don't want to scare you obviously things have you in a panic and worrying about things but I'm saying be very cautious about things.
The part about deleting the messages about reliving the past and meeting up followed by her planning to head back would prompt me a frank conversation about the whole thing.
My GF at the time wouldn't bother to speak to me much or hang out but would spend loads of time talking online to other blokes (car girl).
She told me not to panic and that I was being stupid but the reality was very much different.
I don't want to scare you obviously things have you in a panic and worrying about things but I'm saying be very cautious about things.
The part about deleting the messages about reliving the past and meeting up followed by her planning to head back would prompt me a frank conversation about the whole thing.
fisheggs said:
After the confrontiation, she suggested I speak to someone to get help.
I am sorry to say, but based on this I think your suspicions will prove true.On the plus side, it's not depression if you've got reasons to be unhappy - the thoughts will go when you deal with the reasons.
Best of luck.
I didn't want to write any of this but it will be a release of how I feel,
I'm not sure exactly when this all started but I wake up feeling worthless, a sense of I'm not needed by the few people around me and need constant reassurances I'm not a bad person, not a bad son, a bad brother, a bad friend. I feel insanely useless that I simply can't get a job nowhere how hard I look and apply, its always " We will get back to you" but of course, nobody ever does.
So, I feel worthless and useless, then add to the the fact I've been trying (online) for so long to get a date, or even a new friend, but nothing comes from it, just a lot of insults and put downs which just turbo charge my thinking,
Maybe I'm just playing the game wrong, or maybe there really is something wrong with my appearance.
These things sure as s
t aren't helping with my self doubt
Not really sure what the point of things are anymore, I may only be young but I can't see things improving, there are so much things I want to try and experience but I doubt I'll ever be able to.
Thanks for listening to my st
I'm not sure exactly when this all started but I wake up feeling worthless, a sense of I'm not needed by the few people around me and need constant reassurances I'm not a bad person, not a bad son, a bad brother, a bad friend. I feel insanely useless that I simply can't get a job nowhere how hard I look and apply, its always " We will get back to you" but of course, nobody ever does.
So, I feel worthless and useless, then add to the the fact I've been trying (online) for so long to get a date, or even a new friend, but nothing comes from it, just a lot of insults and put downs which just turbo charge my thinking,
Maybe I'm just playing the game wrong, or maybe there really is something wrong with my appearance.
These things sure as s
t aren't helping with my self doubt Not really sure what the point of things are anymore, I may only be young but I can't see things improving, there are so much things I want to try and experience but I doubt I'll ever be able to.
Thanks for listening to my s
t grumbledoak said:
fisheggs said:
After the confrontiation, she suggested I speak to someone to get help.
I am sorry to say, but based on this I think your suspicions will prove true.On the plus side, it's not depression if you've got reasons to be unhappy - the thoughts will go when you deal with the reasons.
Best of luck.
I agree that once the thoughts / reasons go then things should improve.
She is going away at the end of the month with some of my best friends wives for a girls break, I intend to speak to her before she goes away to clear the whole thing up and hopefully we can all move on. I have no intetion of being mugged off.
moneymakestheworldgoaround said:
I didn't want to write any of this but it will be a release of how I feel,
I'm not sure exactly when this all started but I wake up feeling worthless, a sense of I'm not needed by the few people around me and need constant reassurances I'm not a bad person, not a bad son, a bad brother, a bad friend. I feel insanely useless that I simply can't get a job nowhere how hard I look and apply, its always " We will get back to you" but of course, nobody ever does.
So, I feel worthless and useless, then add to the the fact I've been trying (online) for so long to get a date, or even a new friend, but nothing comes from it, just a lot of insults and put downs which just turbo charge my thinking,
Maybe I'm just playing the game wrong, or maybe there really is something wrong with my appearance.
These things sure as st aren't helping with my self doubt
Not really sure what the point of things are anymore, I may only be young but I can't see things improving, there are so much things I want to try and experience but I doubt I'll ever be able to.
Thanks for listening to my st
Are you on the match.com thread? Good laugh and tends to make it less tedius as everyone shares their results lolI'm not sure exactly when this all started but I wake up feeling worthless, a sense of I'm not needed by the few people around me and need constant reassurances I'm not a bad person, not a bad son, a bad brother, a bad friend. I feel insanely useless that I simply can't get a job nowhere how hard I look and apply, its always " We will get back to you" but of course, nobody ever does.
So, I feel worthless and useless, then add to the the fact I've been trying (online) for so long to get a date, or even a new friend, but nothing comes from it, just a lot of insults and put downs which just turbo charge my thinking,
Maybe I'm just playing the game wrong, or maybe there really is something wrong with my appearance.
These things sure as s
t aren't helping with my self doubt Not really sure what the point of things are anymore, I may only be young but I can't see things improving, there are so much things I want to try and experience but I doubt I'll ever be able to.
Thanks for listening to my s
t Hi all, its been a while....
I've ended up back in hell. My relationship with Mrs nervasport is now completely dead and buried and will never be a family again, my jobs at risk due to a takeover and basically just feel like my life is imploding right before me.
I've retracted back into my shell and feel completely dead inside and can't even bare to do anything. I've made an appointment at my doctors to try get some help but the way I'm feeling I don't think I'll make it. I actually took my hands off the wheel at 70mph hoping I'd crash and die. No idea why I grabbed it again but here I am. I need to be rid of this horrible feeling. At the minute there's only one option
I've ended up back in hell. My relationship with Mrs nervasport is now completely dead and buried and will never be a family again, my jobs at risk due to a takeover and basically just feel like my life is imploding right before me.
I've retracted back into my shell and feel completely dead inside and can't even bare to do anything. I've made an appointment at my doctors to try get some help but the way I'm feeling I don't think I'll make it. I actually took my hands off the wheel at 70mph hoping I'd crash and die. No idea why I grabbed it again but here I am. I need to be rid of this horrible feeling. At the minute there's only one option
Yeah I have a doctors appointment scheduled. This mainly happened because her ex fwb has been constantly messaging her even when she was spending time with me and I asked her to just tell him to back off. She refused. I found out she took my daughter out on Friday to the pub and he was there! Furious is an understatement! She was adamant nothing's going on but this is stoking my suspicions
xjay1337 said:
Realised CBT is a waste of time for me. Not really helping at all.
I gave up on it, as the basic principles of it to me seemed to be to ignore the problem. I'm sure it'll work for some people, but the way I think, it just didnt give me any answers, and I'm an inquisitive sort. ACT and mindfullness, as in accepting that these thoughts are there, and it's OK for them to be there, to in some cases visualise and size up the issues really worked better for me.
andy-xr said:
I gave up on it, as the basic principles of it to me seemed to be to ignore the problem. I'm sure it'll work for some people, but the way I think, it just didnt give me any answers, and I'm an inquisitive sort.
ACT and mindfullness, as in accepting that these thoughts are there, and it's OK for them to be there, to in some cases visualise and size up the issues really worked better for me.
Some of it was useful, catastrophising thoughts etc. ACT and mindfullness, as in accepting that these thoughts are there, and it's OK for them to be there, to in some cases visualise and size up the issues really worked better for me.
But in my case they recommend subjecting myself to situations which provide me with anxiety which doesn't fix the problem.
I think I'm going to tell my representative that it's not working and they can help someone else.
xjay1337 said:
Some of it was useful, catastrophizing thoughts etc.
But in my case they recommend subjecting myself to situations which provide me with anxiety which doesn't fix the problem.
I think I'm going to tell my representative that it's not working and they can help someone else.
What did you do with the CBT? I'm just interested to know how it goes really.But in my case they recommend subjecting myself to situations which provide me with anxiety which doesn't fix the problem.
I think I'm going to tell my representative that it's not working and they can help someone else.
It did nothing for me either, but it was a long time ago, in its infancy I think. It just involved someone calling me up at work (which was awkward) and doing some kind of exercises on the computer at night, like reading a kind of cartoon sketch about somebody who was going through it, seeing how he was dealing with it, answering questions etc, not really what I wanted.
Have you tried counselling?
Does anyone else think this thread tends to die back a bit in Summer? I know I feel much worse in Winter.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff