Depression

[Ltrainium]

mat13 said:

Just wanted to check in, long story short I've struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life but only recently sought help as I seem to be a bit down a hole at the minute.

It's been pointed out to me that I meet a lot of the characteristics of adult ADHD and I am currently waiting for a referral.

I have been prescribed trazadone by my gp, anyone have any experience of this? Haven't noticed any positive reactions yet (only on day five of taking it though) but have suffered a few of the side affects such as dry mouth and dizziness.

Starting to clutch at straws a bit and have had a few stupid thoughts lately, a lot of it brought on that my relationship is on the rocks and I have a kid on the way, part of me wants to battle this to be there for the kid, part of me thinks a breakup is inevitable and I can't bear the thought of being a weekend part time dad and that I would be better off away from everyone. Don't really have anyone I feel comfortable talking with so thought I would try typing it up.

keep going with the meds as they can take a while to kick in. let your GP know you've been having suicidal thoughts and have a look at the link below. plenty of folk to talk too that you will never have to meet and it can be very helpful just to chat. look after yourself so you can look after the other bits in your life. take care.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting...

[al1991]

xjay1337 said:

Second session was OK.
We went over the familiar thoughts feelings behaviour circle however I have to admit that I never really understood it looking online but having the therapist explain it and go through it with me did help my understanding.

Still much to go through but for now I think it seems to be more of a positive thing than a negative.

Thank you for coming back with your thoughts on the second session.

It sounds quite interesting, I hope it works for you.

[thatsprettyshady]

Just checking in - stay positive everyone

[johnwilliams77]

thatsprettyshady said:

Just checking in - stay positive everyone

Quite easy to type...

[Colonial]

Alrey87 said:

Pretty sure I've been suffering from depression for a long time undiagnosed. I can't get out of bed in the mornings, I remember springing out feeling refreshed when I was younger but for the last 5 years or so i feel 10x worse in the morning than I did before going to sleep. Constantly late for work despite being in disciplinary for it on several occasions. Constant fatigue. Feel very empty, nothing really excites me or look forward to anything even if something exciting is happening. Constant thoughts of pointlessness of everything. On days off work I think of things to do but end up doing nothing as I find a reason why doing anything is pointless.

I've seen a gp about the tiredness and physical causes all ruled out. Didn't answer truthfully on the depression questionaire he gave me to fill in as didn't want to admit to occasional thoughts of suicide etc and as such didn't quite score as "depressed." Which I realise was stupid. Is there any hope of regaining my energy, can medication help with that? I feel like if I can get some of the energy back I can help myself to a large extent. I'm only just about to turn 30 and otherwise very healthy, work out 4 x a week, no financial stress or any other real problems.

This is me and exacerbated by current job.

3 x interviews next week.

[Animal]

johnwilliams77 said:

thatsprettyshady said:

Just checking in - stay positive everyone

Quite easy to type...

Motivation is like breathing - you've got to keep doing it. Just like breathing, it's only sustainable if you can do it for yourself!

Sometimes it easier said than done to stay positive, but that's one of the points of this thread, I think.

[wiliferus]

xjay1337 said:

While mental health can be a strain on a relationship it's worth thinking is the mental health causing relationship issues or is the relationship causing mental health issues.

Put yourself first. That is key for now.

Wise words. Very very wise words. It took me about 3 years of unhappy marriage and being accused of being a miserable bd, to realise that it was in fact the marriage causing me to be a miserable bd.
And a further 20 months and counting to repair that damage. Sone of it I'll never repair, mainly the self esteem side of things. But life is now vaguely normal.

[xjay1337]

al1991 said:

xjay1337 said:

Second session was OK.
We went over the familiar thoughts feelings behaviour circle however I have to admit that I never really understood it looking online but having the therapist explain it and go through it with me did help my understanding.

Still much to go through but for now I think it seems to be more of a positive thing than a negative.

Thank you for coming back with your thoughts on the second session.

It sounds quite interesting, I hope it works for you.

Third session.

Bit delayed. I missed last weeks due to being away with work for the day on behalf of client-X .
I did alert them as early as I could.

This previous Tuesday I went along.
I was 7 minutes late (stuck on a call about ongoing issues delaying the go-live of the project for client-X ironically).

It felt like we spent half of the time remaining discussing why I was late and how it's not really acceptable or showing commitment.
I didn't take it personally but I was annoyed and frustrated that it seemed like she thought I didn't want to be there, when i did.
At my own admission as well, I did not fully complete the "homework" assgined.

This involved keeping a record of things which have caused my low mood and anxiety and the thoughts and feelings that I have during these episodes.
I recorded 2 instances but the sheet had 8 spaces so the therapist was disappointed. I was honest and said that I simply had not prioritised the time to do it.

She has said that following our next appointment (which is the Tuesday after this one) that we are having 3 trial sessions and if I do not complete the "homework" and do not show up on time then she will put me on the waiting list which means another 6 months wait before additional help. Alternatively another therapist may be available in evening times.

Fair enough I guess.

The rest of the session was spent looking into why I suffer low moods which is primarily it appears linked with anxiety.
I'm on the fence about whether it's useful for me personally.

As I am explaining my thoughts and feelings the therapist she is telling me that I am good and understanding my thoughts and feelings.
I feel like I can explain what's going on in my head but I cannot explain why it's going on and that can be frustrating at times, feeling like you are not in control of your own mind.

We'll see what happens at the next meeting.

[al1991]

xjay1337 said:

It felt like we spent half of the time remaining discussing why I was late and how it's not really acceptable or showing commitment.
I didn't take it personally but I was annoyed and frustrated that it seemed like she thought I didn't want to be there, when i did.
At my own admission as well, I did not fully complete the "homework" assgined.

This involved keeping a record of things which have caused my low mood and anxiety and the thoughts and feelings that I have during these episodes.
I recorded 2 instances but the sheet had 8 spaces so the therapist was disappointed. I was honest and said that I simply had not prioritised the time to do it.

She has said that following our next appointment (which is the Tuesday after this one) that we are having 3 trial sessions and if I do not complete the "homework" and do not show up on time then she will put me on the waiting list which means another 6 months wait before additional help. Alternatively another therapist may be available in evening times.

Fair enough I guess.

The rest of the session was spent looking into why I suffer low moods which is primarily it appears linked with anxiety.
I'm on the fence about whether it's useful for me personally.

As I am explaining my thoughts and feelings the therapist she is telling me that I am good and understanding my thoughts and feelings.
I feel like I can explain what's going on in my head but I cannot explain why it's going on and that can be frustrating at times, feeling like you are not in control of your own mind.

We'll see what happens at the next meeting.

Sounds as though you've had a good attitude towards the whole thing. I suppose it's fair enough on the homework not being done but I do think I would be a bit disappointed by the use of therapy time to discuss being 7 minutes late.

[johnwilliams77]

al1991 said:

Sounds as though you've had a good attitude towards the whole thing. I suppose it's fair enough on the homework not being done but I do think I would be a bit disappointed by the use of therapy time to discuss being 7 minutes late.

This. Yet nearly every time I have been to a Dr/Dentist or whatever, it's OK for them to be running late, wasting my time.

[D1bram]

First time in this thread.

I've suffered on and off since my early 20's, now 37.

After really good period a relationship end has triggered what has to be my worst episode yet, really struggling.

I've been referred for counselling, but the wait is around 6-8 weeks.

I'm pretty much the typical functioning on the outside, everything going for me, 'come on just cheer up' candidate.

Just feels like a struggle from one day to the next.

[thatsprettyshady]

Animal said:

johnwilliams77 said:

thatsprettyshady said:

Just checking in - stay positive everyone

Quite easy to type...

Motivation is like breathing - you've got to keep doing it. Just like breathing, it's only sustainable if you can do it for yourself!

Sometimes it easier said than done to stay positive, but that's one of the points of this thread, I think.

Sorry didn’t mean to sound flippant, I’m going through it myself at the moment so just wanted to say hi.

[Colonial]

Colonial said:

Alrey87 said:

Pretty sure I've been suffering from depression for a long time undiagnosed. I can't get out of bed in the mornings, I remember springing out feeling refreshed when I was younger but for the last 5 years or so i feel 10x worse in the morning than I did before going to sleep. Constantly late for work despite being in disciplinary for it on several occasions. Constant fatigue. Feel very empty, nothing really excites me or look forward to anything even if something exciting is happening. Constant thoughts of pointlessness of everything. On days off work I think of things to do but end up doing nothing as I find a reason why doing anything is pointless.

I've seen a gp about the tiredness and physical causes all ruled out. Didn't answer truthfully on the depression questionaire he gave me to fill in as didn't want to admit to occasional thoughts of suicide etc and as such didn't quite score as "depressed." Which I realise was stupid. Is there any hope of regaining my energy, can medication help with that? I feel like if I can get some of the energy back I can help myself to a large extent. I'm only just about to turn 30 and otherwise very healthy, work out 4 x a week, no financial stress or any other real problems.

This is me and exacerbated by current job.

3 x interviews next week.

Just following on.

I have been informally offered a role, to be formalised end of the week.

High level, well paid, professional role looking after projects with a dedicated project manager. I'm being appointed because of my industry knowledge with zero need to do any of the management stuff that I find really grinds me down. It's the perfect role for me and I'm amazed I even got an interview.

I was told I was the preferred candidate 2 hours after the interview by the recruiter. The director called me 1 hour after that saying the same thing.

It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I'm not looking forward to extricating myself from the current company structure (minority shareholder) but I need to do it for my own health. My psychologist has been working through this stuff with me for over 12 months, and what I currently do is just a trigger for issues from earlier in life.

[LondonEagle15]

I've got some work stresses at the moment - I moved into a new role earlier this year and my replacement has been nothing but trouble since they've joined (under six months). We both report into the same manager (new, 6 months, who is based off site) but it's got to a point now where the relationship has no chance of recovering.

I find that I'm still doing a fair bit of their work, while they sit there watching films throughout the day and taking personal calls (said person speaks English as a second language and takes these calls in their native tongue). Their timekeeping is poor but the worse thing is that whenever I'm asked to delegate a task down to them, they refuse it because "I'm not their manager". This has been raised with my manager a number of times and roughly six weeks ago I advised him that I may need to seek employment elsewhere if this isn't resolved soon - he assured me that he had raised it with HR as they were looking to remove this individual from the organisation, but as you can expect, it's gone very quiet. A previous member of staff stated one of his reasons for leaving were because of this colleague, so it's known that this person has come in and rocked the boat.

I'm due to have a meeting with this manager later next week to advise that I will be taking this to HR, but I was hoping someone could give me a few tips so that I don't balls it up. Work have been fairly good since I had my breakdown at Christmas and are aware of what happened, plus recently gave me a pay rise out of the blue, so they either see potential in me or it was hush money (I've been here 3 years). They have allowed me time for counselling sessions and GP appointments, but seem to have completely ignored this incident with the hope that it just goes away.

Outside of work I'm generally fine, although occasionally do take my work stress home.

[LondonEagle15]

Colonial - that's great news

D1bram - an end of a relationship was what tipped me over the edge. My workplace funded some counselling, it might be worth seeing if you have any sort of health scheme through yours. The cliche "time is a healer" speaks true, I'm certainly in a better place than I was some nine months ago, so try and keep yourself active (gym, football and running helped me) as it's a good distraction.

[D1bram]

LondonEagle15 said:

Colonial - that's great news

D1bram - an end of a relationship was what tipped me over the edge. My workplace funded some counselling, it might be worth seeing if you have any sort of health scheme through yours. The cliche "time is a healer" speaks true, I'm certainly in a better place than I was some nine months ago, so try and keep yourself active (gym, football and running helped me) as it's a good distraction.

Cheers mate, it was short relationship of 7 months but was going amazingly until an even more abrupt end... from 'love you more than you'll ever know' to over in the space of a fortnight.

There's more to it, but it is like she was sent from hell to hurt me as much as possible!!

Running really helps me... shame I met her through my running club!!!

Work are understanding, but it's a small business with no such provision.

[D1bram]

As for your work issues LondonEagle, I'd be cautious of turning this into a your word against theirs situation.

Perhaps build up a record of their misdemeanours?

[mcelliott]

Well I thought I'd make a contribution to this thread as I'm going through a bit of a rough time at the moment. A brief background to my story is that when I was 10 years old my father committed suicide. Obviously his actions affected me greatly as I was so young, with a twin brother too. That was 35 years ago - they say time is a healer and to a certain extent this is true. However as a family we never ever talked about it, I never even went to his funeral, so I don't feel like I've grieved for him properly. His death was never explained to me, nor what lead up to it, which has resulted in a lifetime of anxiety, low self esteem and to a certain extent self loathing. This has also been exacerbated in my teenage years when I suffered severe acne, which needed hospital treatment, which lead at times to suicidal thoughts.

Anyway fast forward to six months ago - I finally pluck up the courage to ask my mother to explain why she never talked to me about my father's death (I have a very tempestuous relationship with my mum) - well it resulted in a huge blazing row. She point blankly refused to explain - basically the shutters came down, which lead me to become very very angry and we have not spoken since. She's 81.

The last six months have been very very difficult for me, culminating in massive mood swings and extreme anger and depression. Finally with the support of my wonderful wife, I realise I can no longer continue along the road of self destruction, so today I went to see my doctor for a referral to long term counselling. I feel a corner has been turned, but it's going to be a long process. Any advice would be greatly received.

[227bhp]

mcelliott said:

Well I thought I'd make a contribution to this thread as I'm going through a bit of a rough time at the moment. A brief background to my story is that when I was 10 years old my father committed suicide. Obviously his actions affected me greatly as I was so young, with a twin brother too. That was 35 years ago - they say time is a healer and to a certain extent this is true. However as a family we never ever talked about it, I never even went to his funeral, so I don't feel like I've grieved for him properly. His death was never explained to me, nor what lead up to it, which has resulted in a lifetime of anxiety, low self esteem and to a certain extent self loathing. This has also been exacerbated in my teenage years when I suffered severe acne, which needed hospital treatment, which lead at times to suicidal thoughts.

Anyway fast forward to six months ago - I finally pluck up the courage to ask my mother to explain why she never talked to me about my father's death (I have a very tempestuous relationship with my mum) - well it resulted in a huge blazing row. She point blankly refused to explain - basically the shutters came down, which lead me to become very very angry and we have not spoken since. She's 81.

The last six months have been very very difficult for me, culminating in massive mood swings and extreme anger and depression. Finally with the support of my wonderful wife, I realise I can no longer continue along the road of self destruction, so today I went to see my doctor for a referral to long term counselling. I feel a corner has been turned, but it's going to be a long process. Any advice would be greatly received.

There is not much advice to be given as you've finally taken a step in the right direction. It's like being thrown the rugby ball, grasp it with both hands and do your best with what you've been offered even though you don't feel like it.
I don't know what an NHS counsellor will be like, but give it a go. If it doesn't work out then consider going private.

[mcelliott]

227bhp said:

mcelliott said:

Well I thought I'd make a contribution to this thread as I'm going through a bit of a rough time at the moment. A brief background to my story is that when I was 10 years old my father committed suicide. Obviously his actions affected me greatly as I was so young, with a twin brother too. That was 35 years ago - they say time is a healer and to a certain extent this is true. However as a family we never ever talked about it, I never even went to his funeral, so I don't feel like I've grieved for him properly. His death was never explained to me, nor what lead up to it, which has resulted in a lifetime of anxiety, low self esteem and to a certain extent self loathing. This has also been exacerbated in my teenage years when I suffered severe acne, which needed hospital treatment, which lead at times to suicidal thoughts.

Anyway fast forward to six months ago - I finally pluck up the courage to ask my mother to explain why she never talked to me about my father's death (I have a very tempestuous relationship with my mum) - well it resulted in a huge blazing row. She point blankly refused to explain - basically the shutters came down, which lead me to become very very angry and we have not spoken since. She's 81.

The last six months have been very very difficult for me, culminating in massive mood swings and extreme anger and depression. Finally with the support of my wonderful wife, I realise I can no longer continue along the road of self destruction, so today I went to see my doctor for a referral to long term counselling. I feel a corner has been turned, but it's going to be a long process. Any advice would be greatly received.

There is not much advice to be given as you've finally taken a step in the right direction. It's like being thrown the rugby ball, grasp it with both hands and do your best with what you've been offered even though you don't feel like it.
I don't know what an NHS counsellor will be like, but give it a go. If it doesn't work out then consider going private.

I'm actually outside the UK mainland so we haven't got a NHS; however we do have a local health authority with an area set up for counselling. The dr has given me a questionnaire/forms to fill out, which are about three fking pages long, but because this department is so under resourced they may not even see me. However he did also give me some numbers for some very good private counsellors - I'm thinking of cutting to the chase and going straight to them instead, don't fancy waiting two or three weeks. This problem needs addressing now.