Discussion
First post in here, I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder three years ago when I was going through a rough time with my mental health. I had some talking therapy and eventually came out the other side and, bar the odd day here and there, generally felt ok.
The past month however my symptoms seem to have gone through the roof, I went to the doctor yesterday and she prescribed 50mg of Sertraline and referred me to a psychiatrist. I'm reluctant to start the Sertraline though, I know some people have an increase in anxiety during the first couple of weeks and the potential sexual dysfunction doesn't seem fun.
The past month however my symptoms seem to have gone through the roof, I went to the doctor yesterday and she prescribed 50mg of Sertraline and referred me to a psychiatrist. I'm reluctant to start the Sertraline though, I know some people have an increase in anxiety during the first couple of weeks and the potential sexual dysfunction doesn't seem fun.
Edited by Tobias Funke on Friday 23 August 15:27
Tobias Funke said:
First post in here, I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder three years ago when I was going through a rough time with my mental health. I had some talking therapy and eventually came out the other side and, bar the odd day here and there, generally felt ok.
The past month however my symptoms seem to have gone through the rough, I went to the doctor yesterday and she prescribed 50mg of Sertraline and referred me to a psychiatrist. I'm reluctant to start the Sertraline though, I know some people have an increase in anxiety during the first couple of weeks and the potential sexual dysfunction doesn't seem fun.
It's general that you will not improve for a couple of weeks.The past month however my symptoms seem to have gone through the rough, I went to the doctor yesterday and she prescribed 50mg of Sertraline and referred me to a psychiatrist. I'm reluctant to start the Sertraline though, I know some people have an increase in anxiety during the first couple of weeks and the potential sexual dysfunction doesn't seem fun.
Regarding these meds I've tried most of them and some do impact your sex drive but not others. Citalopram was worst for me in that regard. When you have a partner who doesn't like initiating due to lack of confidence but then complaints about not getting any, that's just another thing to deal with!!
I tried Sertraline and found it made me all over the place so went off to Prozac which has probably been the best for me overall.
I have slowly weaned myself off over the last couple of months to see if I could cope. I just have more mood swings now.
Tobias Funke said:
First post in here, I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder three years ago when I was going through a rough time with my mental health. I had some talking therapy and eventually came out the other side and, bar the odd day here and there, generally felt ok.
The past month however my symptoms seem to have gone through the roof, I went to the doctor yesterday and she prescribed 50mg of Sertraline and referred me to a psychiatrist. I'm reluctant to start the Sertraline though, I know some people have an increase in anxiety during the first couple of weeks and the potential sexual dysfunction doesn't seem fun.
I could have written this post. I have been doing some online cbt and some points have really helped. Specifically about distorted thinking and fortune telling. The past month however my symptoms seem to have gone through the roof, I went to the doctor yesterday and she prescribed 50mg of Sertraline and referred me to a psychiatrist. I'm reluctant to start the Sertraline though, I know some people have an increase in anxiety during the first couple of weeks and the potential sexual dysfunction doesn't seem fun.
Edited by Tobias Funke on Friday 23 August 15:27
I've been meaning to update on the online cbt but not really been able to other than to say I've found it really hard to open up. Really hard and its probably messed my head up more.
I have however decided to start taking some herbs.
Cbd oil and st johns wort and its made a noticeable difference to how I've been feeling. Also vitamins c and d.
I found the thrive program helped me through a patch. Once I got into my head things we’re just thoughts and learnt how to deal with them I saw a good improvement, I don’t believe what anxiety tells me anymore.
https://www.thriveprogramme.org/about-rob-kelly/
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thrive-overcome-depressio...
https://www.thriveprogramme.org/about-rob-kelly/
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thrive-overcome-depressio...
I work on the railway.
A young girl earlier tonight jumped off the platform onto the track right in front of me and waited for the next train to come.
I ran back to my office after she wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say and contacted the signal box but luckily she had changed her mind after I had ran back out.
She was in hysterics sat down huddled in her arms as I went over to her and got her away from the platform edge for the police to turn up a few minutes later.
My wife has depression and her brother has had it in the past.
For people who are reading this please understand there are ways of defeating depression and there is always someone willing to listen to what you have to say.
Please never think there is only one way to go.
A young girl earlier tonight jumped off the platform onto the track right in front of me and waited for the next train to come.
I ran back to my office after she wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say and contacted the signal box but luckily she had changed her mind after I had ran back out.
She was in hysterics sat down huddled in her arms as I went over to her and got her away from the platform edge for the police to turn up a few minutes later.
My wife has depression and her brother has had it in the past.
For people who are reading this please understand there are ways of defeating depression and there is always someone willing to listen to what you have to say.
Please never think there is only one way to go.
CharlieH89 said:
I work on the railway.
A young girl earlier tonight jumped off the platform onto the track right in front of me and waited for the next train to come.
I ran back to my office after she wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say and contacted the signal box but luckily she had changed her mind after I had ran back out.
She was in hysterics sat down huddled in her arms as I went over to her and got her away from the platform edge for the police to turn up a few minutes later.
My wife has depression and her brother has had it in the past.
For people who are reading this please understand there are ways of defeating depression and there is always someone willing to listen to what you have to say.
Please never think there is only one way to go.
Your amazing. Just the thought of how my family will feel if I’m no longer here is keeping me going. That was hard to say. A young girl earlier tonight jumped off the platform onto the track right in front of me and waited for the next train to come.
I ran back to my office after she wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say and contacted the signal box but luckily she had changed her mind after I had ran back out.
She was in hysterics sat down huddled in her arms as I went over to her and got her away from the platform edge for the police to turn up a few minutes later.
My wife has depression and her brother has had it in the past.
For people who are reading this please understand there are ways of defeating depression and there is always someone willing to listen to what you have to say.
Please never think there is only one way to go.
Not sure if anyone has already tried this but this weekend my wife has got me ‘Mood Food’ tablets.
It’s a herbal remedy that’s supposed to target anxiety and depression.
I’m feeling marginally les anxious already and will see how it goes then report back.
I’m interested to hear if anyone else has given this a go ?
It’s a herbal remedy that’s supposed to target anxiety and depression.
I’m feeling marginally les anxious already and will see how it goes then report back.
I’m interested to hear if anyone else has given this a go ?
Another regular with a pseudonym here. Like many, I see lots of my own situation in others' posts. Since you were all brave enough, here's mine:
Perfect life on the outside; good job, great house, loving wife of almost 5 years, no desire to have kids but settling down nicely into our mid-thirties.
For some reason I've always felt the need to 'push the boundaries' a bit in life and relationships though. I don't know why, possibly because I'm a bit of a hedonist and it wasn't usually anything serious enough to have an effect on others. I was caught out in 2016 when my wife found a couple of inappropriate messages between me and an old, casual flame. Basically reminiscing about one time we met up and slept together. I was never going to act, and it was literally three or four messages over the course of two nights, but that's no excuse.
During the last three or four years we've been through a lot at home - lost relatives, my wife's had surgery followed by bouts of depression herself. I 'toughed it out' and tried to be what I thought was needed: the alpha and provider. With hindsight, over this time our relationship got stuck in a rut, sex life waned etc. We stopped having fun and began just going through the motions.
Fast forward to the start of this year. I started a new job - stepping up to Sales Director for a large company in a new market. Massive baptism of fire, a reality check for my own self-confidence and lots more pressure and travel. I then met a woman who worked for one of my firm's suppliers through work... yep, we started seeing each other. The usual cliche at first, passionate, exciting, we understood each other etc. But our feelings for each other genuinely blossomed. Problem is I was (am) too much of a coward to tell my wife, so this all came spilling out when she rightly got suspicious and found messages on my phone.
My wife has moved out and has been living back with her parents for the last two months. I work from home and don't have any other living options, otherwise I'd have moved out. We're still trying to work everything out, but I do think I'm in love with the other woman I've met (we stayed in contact. albeit didn't meet, for a short time after things came out). She's also properly split with her partner now.
Combined with a few other pressures, my head is currently all over the place and I'm in a massive downward spiral of depression. I've been to places darker than I knew existed this last few weeks. Having never knowingly suffered any mental health issues previously, the whole experience and rollercoaster of feelings has left me disabled, shocked and not knowing what to do. That's had the knock-on effect of continuing to hurt my wife when she deserves better, not taking responsibility and not being able to sort this mess out. Not to mention declining performance at work over the last couple of months which can't have gone unnoticed. I just feel stuck.
But reading this thread has made me realise I'm not the only one. I've sought and booked a counselling session this afternoon and I'm going to try to organise my thoughts, speaking to everyone I owe it to and start clawing my way out of this hole somehow.
TL;DR - typical PHer was an absolute knob, had an affair and is now suffering the consequences. But wants to sort them out properly and get to the other, hopefully brighter side.
It really is OK to talk and by feck, even though it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world, I'm going to try.
I hope everyone else struggling understands there's help out there too. Just take that bold first step and ask.
Perfect life on the outside; good job, great house, loving wife of almost 5 years, no desire to have kids but settling down nicely into our mid-thirties.
For some reason I've always felt the need to 'push the boundaries' a bit in life and relationships though. I don't know why, possibly because I'm a bit of a hedonist and it wasn't usually anything serious enough to have an effect on others. I was caught out in 2016 when my wife found a couple of inappropriate messages between me and an old, casual flame. Basically reminiscing about one time we met up and slept together. I was never going to act, and it was literally three or four messages over the course of two nights, but that's no excuse.
During the last three or four years we've been through a lot at home - lost relatives, my wife's had surgery followed by bouts of depression herself. I 'toughed it out' and tried to be what I thought was needed: the alpha and provider. With hindsight, over this time our relationship got stuck in a rut, sex life waned etc. We stopped having fun and began just going through the motions.
Fast forward to the start of this year. I started a new job - stepping up to Sales Director for a large company in a new market. Massive baptism of fire, a reality check for my own self-confidence and lots more pressure and travel. I then met a woman who worked for one of my firm's suppliers through work... yep, we started seeing each other. The usual cliche at first, passionate, exciting, we understood each other etc. But our feelings for each other genuinely blossomed. Problem is I was (am) too much of a coward to tell my wife, so this all came spilling out when she rightly got suspicious and found messages on my phone.
My wife has moved out and has been living back with her parents for the last two months. I work from home and don't have any other living options, otherwise I'd have moved out. We're still trying to work everything out, but I do think I'm in love with the other woman I've met (we stayed in contact. albeit didn't meet, for a short time after things came out). She's also properly split with her partner now.
Combined with a few other pressures, my head is currently all over the place and I'm in a massive downward spiral of depression. I've been to places darker than I knew existed this last few weeks. Having never knowingly suffered any mental health issues previously, the whole experience and rollercoaster of feelings has left me disabled, shocked and not knowing what to do. That's had the knock-on effect of continuing to hurt my wife when she deserves better, not taking responsibility and not being able to sort this mess out. Not to mention declining performance at work over the last couple of months which can't have gone unnoticed. I just feel stuck.
But reading this thread has made me realise I'm not the only one. I've sought and booked a counselling session this afternoon and I'm going to try to organise my thoughts, speaking to everyone I owe it to and start clawing my way out of this hole somehow.
TL;DR - typical PHer was an absolute knob, had an affair and is now suffering the consequences. But wants to sort them out properly and get to the other, hopefully brighter side.
It really is OK to talk and by feck, even though it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world, I'm going to try.
I hope everyone else struggling understands there's help out there too. Just take that bold first step and ask.
Edited by Incognito38 on Monday 9th September 16:10
That's quite the roller coaster.
Well you have made a step so that's good.
If I were you I'd try and sort the divorce/split with your current wife.
Feel free to keep in touch with your new flame. But don't be a rebound. And don't rush it. Obviously you two were both unhappy in your relationships.
Well you have made a step so that's good.
If I were you I'd try and sort the divorce/split with your current wife.
Feel free to keep in touch with your new flame. But don't be a rebound. And don't rush it. Obviously you two were both unhappy in your relationships.
xjay1337 said:
That's quite the roller coaster.
Well you have made a step so that's good.
If I were you I'd try and sort the divorce/split with your current wife.
Feel free to keep in touch with your new flame. But don't be a rebound. And don't rush it. Obviously you two were both unhappy in your relationships.
Thanks. That's all very sound advice. I'm hugely conscious of not damaging anything more than I already have and doing things in the best possible way, for everyone's sake. Well you have made a step so that's good.
If I were you I'd try and sort the divorce/split with your current wife.
Feel free to keep in touch with your new flame. But don't be a rebound. And don't rush it. Obviously you two were both unhappy in your relationships.
Incognito38 said:
Thanks. That's all very sound advice. I'm hugely conscious of not damaging anything more than I already have and doing things in the best possible way, for everyone's sake.
Regardless of the cheating which is hard to respond in a positive manner - are you feeling better? There are a number of anonymous lines which may help, I think you have clearly recognised that it is required.Incognito38 said:
Thanks. That's all very sound advice. I'm hugely conscious of not damaging anything more than I already have and doing things in the best possible way, for everyone's sake.
From an experience very similar to yours, the best advice I can give you is to progress the separation from your wife (if that’s what you want). Prolonging the situation will have a profound effect on your mental health and cause you to feel like you’re stuck in a bad place. There is life after divorce, no matter how messy, but you need to put the effort in to get there.
Prolonging my separation over a 3 year period nearly pushed me over the edge. Now I’m free and clear, life is much more simple and I’m the happiest I’ve been for a very very long time.
Also, lean on mates. If you present yourself like you have here (yes I’ve been a dick but I realise that and just want to make things right) then you’ll have their support.
Counselling can help - a decent counsellor won’t judge, they will just help you through your issues.
Ridiculous question but I've been sleeping less (going to bed later) and thus sleeping better. But any tips for making this work around getting up for the gym in the morning? I'm always trying to make up that hour's sleep in the mornings, but feel better for having gone to bed 2 hours later.
johnwilliams77 said:
Regardless of the cheating which is hard to respond in a positive manner - are you feeling better? There are a number of anonymous lines which may help, I think you have clearly recognised that it is required.
'Better' feels a but subjective at the minute. I have good and bad days or even hours.Generally I'm alright though. I'm waiting for a couple of counsellors to get back to me re introductory sessions. wiliferus said:
From an experience very similar to yours, the best advice I can give you is to progress the separation from your wife (if that’s what you want). Prolonging the situation will have a profound effect on your mental health and cause you to feel like you’re stuck in a bad place.
There is life after divorce, no matter how messy, but you need to put the effort in to get there.
Prolonging my separation over a 3 year period nearly pushed me over the edge. Now I’m free and clear, life is much more simple and I’m the happiest I’ve been for a very very long time.
Also, lean on mates. If you present yourself like you have here (yes I’ve been a dick but I realise that and just want to make things right) then you’ll have their support.
Counselling can help - a decent counsellor won’t judge, they will just help you through your issues.
Cheers. Hearing that means a lot actually. There is life after divorce, no matter how messy, but you need to put the effort in to get there.
Prolonging my separation over a 3 year period nearly pushed me over the edge. Now I’m free and clear, life is much more simple and I’m the happiest I’ve been for a very very long time.
Also, lean on mates. If you present yourself like you have here (yes I’ve been a dick but I realise that and just want to make things right) then you’ll have their support.
Counselling can help - a decent counsellor won’t judge, they will just help you through your issues.
R Mutt said:
Ridiculous question but I've been sleeping less (going to bed later) and thus sleeping better. But any tips for making this work around getting up for the gym in the morning? I'm always trying to make up that hour's sleep in the mornings, but feel better for having gone to bed 2 hours later.
How much sleep are you getting generally, what's your overall routine and how do you feel over the entire day in terms of energy? I wouldn't worry over losing an hour here or there, but if you're regularly going to bed at say midnight then getting up at 5am, it'll have a cumulative effect.
Around 7 hours is optimum for me, but you may differ. A good pre-bed routine should help too (switching off screens, not eating / drinking too late, especially alcohol). I know that's easier said than done as mine has definitely suffered recently.
Incognito38 said:
How much sleep are you getting generally, what's your overall routine and how do you feel over the entire day in terms of energy?
I wouldn't worry over losing an hour here or there, but if you're regularly going to bed at say midnight then getting up at 5am, it'll have a cumulative effect.
Around 7 hours is optimum for me, but you may differ. A good pre-bed routine should help too (switching off screens, not eating / drinking too late, especially alcohol). I know that's easier said than done as mine has definitely suffered recently.
7.5 hours seems optimal but if I achieved that and woke up with an hour to spare I'd 99% go back to bed rather than the gym. I do have the energy to exercise in the evenings but then I'll want an early night, often to avoid housework and feel like I've lost the rest of the evening. I live on my own to the routine of cooking and washing up at a respectable time seems a bit of a nightmare. I do manage to reduce phone/ TV time in the evenings and read and feel like I'm on the right track there, and know all these issues are relatively common especially in society these days but I do feel my mood affects my routine and vice versa so need help with the right balance.I wouldn't worry over losing an hour here or there, but if you're regularly going to bed at say midnight then getting up at 5am, it'll have a cumulative effect.
Around 7 hours is optimum for me, but you may differ. A good pre-bed routine should help too (switching off screens, not eating / drinking too late, especially alcohol). I know that's easier said than done as mine has definitely suffered recently.
quote=R Mutt]
7.5 hours seems optimal but if I achieved that and woke up with an hour to spare I'd 99% go back to bed rather than the gym. I do have the energy to exercise in the evenings but then I'll want an early night, often to avoid housework and feel like I've lost the rest of the evening. I live on my own to the routine of cooking and washing up at a respectable time seems a bit of a nightmare. I do manage to reduce phone/ TV time in the evenings and read and feel like I'm on the right track there, and know all these issues are relatively common especially in society these days but I do feel my mood affects my routine and vice versa so need help with the right balance.
[/quote]
Everyone's different, but from what you've said I think you're doing pretty well!
Finding the balance is tough. I've struggled with that as I've been on my own for the last few weeks. I find comfort in routine though - being organised is definitely a safety behaviour of mine. I'd say try not to judge yourself by 'perfection'. If you miss a gym session or don't do the washing up one evening, give yourself a break. Then reset and go again the next morning.
7.5 hours seems optimal but if I achieved that and woke up with an hour to spare I'd 99% go back to bed rather than the gym. I do have the energy to exercise in the evenings but then I'll want an early night, often to avoid housework and feel like I've lost the rest of the evening. I live on my own to the routine of cooking and washing up at a respectable time seems a bit of a nightmare. I do manage to reduce phone/ TV time in the evenings and read and feel like I'm on the right track there, and know all these issues are relatively common especially in society these days but I do feel my mood affects my routine and vice versa so need help with the right balance.
[/quote]
Everyone's different, but from what you've said I think you're doing pretty well!
Finding the balance is tough. I've struggled with that as I've been on my own for the last few weeks. I find comfort in routine though - being organised is definitely a safety behaviour of mine. I'd say try not to judge yourself by 'perfection'. If you miss a gym session or don't do the washing up one evening, give yourself a break. Then reset and go again the next morning.
CharlieH89 said:
I work on the railway.
and there is always someone willing to listen to what you have to say.
I think this is where a lot of the battle is lost though, in my experience there isn't anyone to talk to, non professional, and going to professionals seems like a real task as this is where the "weakness" comes from.and there is always someone willing to listen to what you have to say.
It makes me laugh when I scroll down Facebook, and so many repost motivation shared imagines, or the chain mails that state "my kettle is always on", "my door is always open".. "I am always here to listen"...
But in reality, when you try your BEST mates or you spouse, or even a mate.. no one knows how to respond, they all run a mile... avoid you until you maybe in a better mood.. "lets switch subjects quick", make him laugh!! that will work..
Letting it out is impossible, and they say its the best remedy and the first step to recovery.
sparkyb999 said:
I think this is where a lot of the battle is lost though, in my experience there isn't anyone to talk to, non professional, and going to professionals seems like a real task as this is where the "weakness" comes from.
It makes me laugh when I scroll down Facebook, and so many repost motivation shared imagines, or the chain mails that state "my kettle is always on", "my door is always open".. "I am always here to listen"...
But in reality, when you try your BEST mates or you spouse, or even a mate.. no one knows how to respond, they all run a mile... avoid you until you maybe in a better mood.. "lets switch subjects quick", make him laugh!! that will work..
Letting it out is impossible, and they say its the best remedy and the first step to recovery.
I've had friends and family say this to me and I agree, nobody knows what to do or say and they're never actually available when you want them to be.It makes me laugh when I scroll down Facebook, and so many repost motivation shared imagines, or the chain mails that state "my kettle is always on", "my door is always open".. "I am always here to listen"...
But in reality, when you try your BEST mates or you spouse, or even a mate.. no one knows how to respond, they all run a mile... avoid you until you maybe in a better mood.. "lets switch subjects quick", make him laugh!! that will work..
Letting it out is impossible, and they say its the best remedy and the first step to recovery.
I turn to Twitter in my hour of need and a lot of the time, get nothing at all in response, despite the people who read the 'bad' tweets liking and responding to the silly ones...
Everyone is quick to say they never saw it coming though, aren't they?
Robmarriott said:
sparkyb999 said:
I think this is where a lot of the battle is lost though, in my experience there isn't anyone to talk to, non professional, and going to professionals seems like a real task as this is where the "weakness" comes from.
It makes me laugh when I scroll down Facebook, and so many repost motivation shared imagines, or the chain mails that state "my kettle is always on", "my door is always open".. "I am always here to listen"...
But in reality, when you try your BEST mates or you spouse, or even a mate.. no one knows how to respond, they all run a mile... avoid you until you maybe in a better mood.. "lets switch subjects quick", make him laugh!! that will work..
Letting it out is impossible, and they say its the best remedy and the first step to recovery.
I've had friends and family say this to me and I agree, nobody knows what to do or say and they're never actually available when you want them to be.It makes me laugh when I scroll down Facebook, and so many repost motivation shared imagines, or the chain mails that state "my kettle is always on", "my door is always open".. "I am always here to listen"...
But in reality, when you try your BEST mates or you spouse, or even a mate.. no one knows how to respond, they all run a mile... avoid you until you maybe in a better mood.. "lets switch subjects quick", make him laugh!! that will work..
Letting it out is impossible, and they say its the best remedy and the first step to recovery.
I turn to Twitter in my hour of need and a lot of the time, get nothing at all in response, despite the people who read the 'bad' tweets liking and responding to the silly ones...
Everyone is quick to say they never saw it coming though, aren't they?
More recently we have been doing evening 'check ins' to see if there is anything that may be on her mind before bedtime as that works better than going to bed then her waking me up during the night as she has been awake for hours rolling something over and over in her head.
She isn't looking for me to solve the issue, but just wants to talk it out.
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