Discussion
Robmarriott said:
I've had friends and family say this to me and I agree, nobody knows what to do or say and they're never actually available when you want them to be.
I turn to Twitter in my hour of need and a lot of the time, get nothing at all in response, despite the people who read the 'bad' tweets liking and responding to the silly ones...
Everyone is quick to say they never saw it coming though, aren't they?
Indeed, I always feel so awkward when chatting about depression or mental health issues with people. They hate discussing it, especially if they have never suffered themselves, that's an instant halt.I turn to Twitter in my hour of need and a lot of the time, get nothing at all in response, despite the people who read the 'bad' tweets liking and responding to the silly ones...
Everyone is quick to say they never saw it coming though, aren't they?
I haven't tried the twitter thing, but I started a YouTube channel. I posted two videos on there so far and intend on posting a video a week so I can see my progression and to engage with others so when I watch them back it may help. I don't get any views or subscribers, but I wanted to start a community to talk with people about their experiences. I thought it could help.
KTF said:
My wife has suffered from depression and I am always happy to listen to whatever is bothering her at the time and she always says she feels better once it is out of her system.
More recently we have been doing evening 'check ins' to see if there is anything that may be on her mind before bedtime as that works better than going to bed then her waking me up during the night as she has been awake for hours rolling something over and over in her head.
She isn't looking for me to solve the issue, but just wants to talk it out.
That's a great idea and you're doing an amazing thing, I can tell you first hand talking to someone when you really get things off your chest REALLY helps.More recently we have been doing evening 'check ins' to see if there is anything that may be on her mind before bedtime as that works better than going to bed then her waking me up during the night as she has been awake for hours rolling something over and over in her head.
She isn't looking for me to solve the issue, but just wants to talk it out.
With depression, it goes down way down deeper than anyone knows, and to be honest probably down deeper than that person knows themselves
sparkyb999 said:
CharlieH89 said:
I work on the railway.
and there is always someone willing to listen to what you have to say.
I think this is where a lot of the battle is lost though, in my experience there isn't anyone to talk to, non professional, and going to professionals seems like a real task as this is where the "weakness" comes from.and there is always someone willing to listen to what you have to say.
It makes me laugh when I scroll down Facebook, and so many repost motivation shared imagines, or the chain mails that state "my kettle is always on", "my door is always open".. "I am always here to listen"...
But in reality, when you try your BEST mates or you spouse, or even a mate.. no one knows how to respond, they all run a mile... avoid you until you maybe in a better mood.. "lets switch subjects quick", make him laugh!! that will work..
Letting it out is impossible, and they say its the best remedy and the first step to recovery.
One thing I would say is that there is no support for the people who do listen.
For example, my wife has has/gets various counselling, telephone support, etc where I have had nothing at all despite dealing with all sorts of things off the back of it. Not once have any of the counsellors apparently asked how other people in the house are coping with it all.
This is fine if you are a good 'sponge' and can soak it all up but for others I can see it would have a real impact on their mental health so I can see why some people give the whole issue a wide berth.
For example, my wife has has/gets various counselling, telephone support, etc where I have had nothing at all despite dealing with all sorts of things off the back of it. Not once have any of the counsellors apparently asked how other people in the house are coping with it all.
This is fine if you are a good 'sponge' and can soak it all up but for others I can see it would have a real impact on their mental health so I can see why some people give the whole issue a wide berth.
sparkyb999 said:
That's a great idea and you're doing an amazing thing, I can tell you first hand talking to someone when you really get things off your chest REALLY helps.
With depression, it goes down way down deeper than anyone knows, and to be honest probably down deeper than that person knows themselves
It does help but the issue I have (and I assume this is where the 'experts' come in) is breaking the cycle as frequently an issue comes up, is discussed and goes away for a bit only for it to return again a few days later and you go through exactly the same discussion again.With depression, it goes down way down deeper than anyone knows, and to be honest probably down deeper than that person knows themselves
The way I see is it that people who have depression have their internal pendulum constantly swinging from one side to the other in rapid(ish) fashion rather that hovering around the middle like most people. Sometimes you can see which way it is going and do something to push it back (theoretically the medication should help with this as well) to the middle but sometimes it just swings way over to the red and you have to deal with a meltdown.
KTF said:
One thing I would say is that there is no support for the people who do listen.
For example, my wife has has/gets various counselling, telephone support, etc where I have had nothing at all despite dealing with all sorts of things off the back of it. Not once have any of the counsellors apparently asked how other people in the house are coping with it all.
This is fine if you are a good 'sponge' and can soak it all up but for others I can see it would have a real impact on their mental health so I can see why some people give the whole issue a wide berth.
My Mother was a Psychiatrist with social services and they are completely understaffed and over worked. There is practically zero help for families. GP’s seem to just throw anti depressants at patients and that’s it. Or maybe wait 6 months to see a “counsellor” who most of the time has no real knowledge of mental illnesses as they are not medical professionals. Does the UK not have the highest rate of people on anti depressants in Western Europe? For example, my wife has has/gets various counselling, telephone support, etc where I have had nothing at all despite dealing with all sorts of things off the back of it. Not once have any of the counsellors apparently asked how other people in the house are coping with it all.
This is fine if you are a good 'sponge' and can soak it all up but for others I can see it would have a real impact on their mental health so I can see why some people give the whole issue a wide berth.
burritoNinja said:
I was diagnosed with anti social personality disorder and offered zero help. Literally handed a print out from mental health team that said anti social personality disorder and left to my own devices. They tell me that I’m a broken person because I don’t feel empathy towards others yet like the above quoted post, whenever most people need help it is never there. There is a truth that most people only care about themselves but people with my diagnosis are demonised in the media.
ASPD is probably the most misunderstood personality disorder, perhaps closely followed by borderline pd. Like you say the media don't help and then you've got the whole glamourised Hollywood stuff to deal with. I believe that most people with the diagnosis aren't out and out sociopaths, and certainly few would be actual psychopaths. Some of the diagnostic criteria are behavioural traits which can rise transiently in people for a myriad of reasons, although nowadays the DSM is a bit more thought out.
TBH, if I went to a psychiatrist roughly between 18-26, and they were using the DSM, I wouldn't receive an ASPD diagnosis, maybe a suggestion of seeing a psychotherapist. However if they were using the ICD - the WHO's classification - I would have been diagnosed.
How's your cognitive empathy? Imagination techniques can help, also sometimes with the anger side of things. There's a train of thought that reading fiction with deep character development can aid cognitive empathy as well.
NoVetec said:
ASPD is probably the most misunderstood personality disorder, perhaps closely followed by borderline pd.
Like you say the media don't help and then you've got the whole glamourised Hollywood stuff to deal with. I believe that most with the diagnosis aren't out and out sociopaths, and certainly few would be actual psychopaths. Some of the diagnostic criteria are behavioural traits which can rise transiently in people for a myriad of reasons, although nowadays the DSM is a bit more thought out.
TBH, if I went to a psychiatrist roughly between 18-26, and they were using the DSM, I wouldn't receive an ASPD diagnosis, maybe a suggestion of seeing a psychotherapist. However if they were using the ICD - the WHO's classification - I would have been diagnosed.
How's your cognitive empathy? Imagination techniques can help, also sometimes with the anger side of things. There's a train of thought that reading fiction with deep character development can aid cognitive empathy as well.
I’ve had the word psychopath thrown at me. Beyond my wife and mother, we don’t tell anybody. I did notice a difference from how some doctors treated me once they seen that diagnosis on my files. It took years to get diagnosed. I was misdiagnosed bipolar, depression and anxiety and borderline. The reason I was misdiagnosed was that I never revealed the whole picture. Once I did that and seen a different shrink, I was then diagnosed and it was only last two years that came about. They had tried all different medications and none of them changed anything about me. Like you say the media don't help and then you've got the whole glamourised Hollywood stuff to deal with. I believe that most with the diagnosis aren't out and out sociopaths, and certainly few would be actual psychopaths. Some of the diagnostic criteria are behavioural traits which can rise transiently in people for a myriad of reasons, although nowadays the DSM is a bit more thought out.
TBH, if I went to a psychiatrist roughly between 18-26, and they were using the DSM, I wouldn't receive an ASPD diagnosis, maybe a suggestion of seeing a psychotherapist. However if they were using the ICD - the WHO's classification - I would have been diagnosed.
How's your cognitive empathy? Imagination techniques can help, also sometimes with the anger side of things. There's a train of thought that reading fiction with deep character development can aid cognitive empathy as well.
They went through my entire life over and over. It’s easy to look back now and see the symptoms. Like at 7 years old I was setting the forest on fire, tried to set buildings on fire and a wide range of early criminal behaviour. Or the time I wanted to impress a girl on first date so went to steal a Porsche. High level of truancy in school, fights, stealing, lying. The endless relationships destroyed, the path of destruction I left in my 20’s. I’ve been to jail.
I have always felt different, like I don’t belong and that continues to this day. I can’t maintain friendships. I can’t put myself in others shoes. I work in benefits and when people go on about wanting to kill themselves or other issues, I just don’t feel it. I know what people expect reaction wise with some situations and I can play the facial expression but I don’t understand it. I do feel rage very easily. I don’t know how to describe it but it’s like I’m flat on the inside. I’m highly selfish. I can’t follow rules at work and I struggle to keep a job.I have a boredom that eats away at me everyday of the week. I’ve ran myself into debt multiple times.
When I got diagnosed and explored the disorder it all made sense. It’s like the missing parts of the puzzle fell into place. Regular appointments keep me on the right track and I’m a lot more aware now of my actions. I’ve probably rambled to much on this. I know it does not paint a pretty picture but it’s all part of what led to my diagnosis.
If you watch the YouTube experts on this disorder they are always way way off with what they think someone like me is. If people met me they would never know. I dress nice, I have more middle class accent and I’m pleasant to people. So many idiots have written books or made videos claiming their ex is ASPD because they did whatever, in reality their ex was just an awful person. Media portrays us as monsters out to kill. So far from the truth.
Edited by burritoNinja on Thursday 12th September 14:42
I know 3 people who volunteer for the Samaritans. All 3 have had someone close to them commit suicide. 1 was a parent, 1 was a sibling, and 1 was a life long friend. All male …
They undergo considerable training, and they do it because they don’t want others to go through what they went through, or see another family go through what their friend’s family went through.
The stranger at the Samaritans isn’t wrapped up in the drama and can hopefully take a wider view, although they are present to mainly listen and not advise.
I think talking to strangers is somehow better than talking to friends or family. Sometimes the friends or (more likely?) the family may be a factor in the depression. There’s also a high risk they may not be able to keep their mouths shut on what could be an incredibly painful and sensitive matter. I’ve heard friends of mine tell me things about what they’ve been told (obviously to be kept strictly private), and I’m sat there thinking “you were told to keep this private weren’t you?” This makes me realise they aren’t to be told anything private from me either.
Just saying “I lost my father to depression and suicide” finishes conversations and has finished more than one relationship. Some can’t deal with it, and I’m always surprised as to who can and who can’t talk sensibly about the topic. Some go into the most morbid curiosity interview mode until they get told to f**k off. The ones who can, seem to be the ones who have been close to it.
I’ve found the NHS to be borderline useless in dealing with depressive issues. As stated above, there are just too many people for them to deal with. I would suggest a therapist/psychologist that you can see in your own time, rather than take time off work. Yes, you will have to pay for this. If you don't think they are helping, and some genuinely don’t, then find another one. Some of them need therapy themselves.
Keep away from those who aren’t positive and find negativity in everything. They are very tiring in the long run. A mate has been put on hold for the last year due to his phenomenal criticism of everyone else in life – obviously he’s one of nature’s finished works…
- worse than those who go through life being sickeningly cheerful and positive.
Keep away from the booze – it really doesn’t help.
Mix in public but try and do it on your terms. Easier said than done.
Get some fresh air – join a walking group and have a chat, but don’t chat about your problems, otherwise, you will soon be Johnny No Mates… talk about the good stuff. I’ve found this useful to me- YMMV. If you don’t have a dog that you can take for a walk, borrow someone else’s.
Maybe controversial – keep away from religion. Too many are only Christian-like between 10 and 12 on Sundays.
Get a hobby
Try and get more sleep – this is really difficult as being stressed about my life and/or depressed makes my mind race, and then I’ve even more difficulty sleeping.
It’s at times like this you need a really good friend, not just a mate. Someone who will keep the issue private- see above, listen and maybe start to ask the right questions and push you (gently at first) for the right answers. These people pop up when you least expect it. One of these in my life is one of the volunteers for the Samaritans. He listens and then asks very different questions…
Some people are incapable of having any empathy for anyone but themselves. I’ve found the people who don’t really assist are the ones who say “we’ll have a chat about that” – then they talk about their favourite topic – themselves, or the classis approach “if you think your problems are bad- let’s spend the next hour listening to mine” and then there’s the ones who say “I’ll tell you what you to do to make yourself feel better”. Then there are the ones who say nothing, and just listen, and don’t judge- then ask. It’s the last ones you need- as above - and oh boy are they rare.
They undergo considerable training, and they do it because they don’t want others to go through what they went through, or see another family go through what their friend’s family went through.
The stranger at the Samaritans isn’t wrapped up in the drama and can hopefully take a wider view, although they are present to mainly listen and not advise.
I think talking to strangers is somehow better than talking to friends or family. Sometimes the friends or (more likely?) the family may be a factor in the depression. There’s also a high risk they may not be able to keep their mouths shut on what could be an incredibly painful and sensitive matter. I’ve heard friends of mine tell me things about what they’ve been told (obviously to be kept strictly private), and I’m sat there thinking “you were told to keep this private weren’t you?” This makes me realise they aren’t to be told anything private from me either.
Just saying “I lost my father to depression and suicide” finishes conversations and has finished more than one relationship. Some can’t deal with it, and I’m always surprised as to who can and who can’t talk sensibly about the topic. Some go into the most morbid curiosity interview mode until they get told to f**k off. The ones who can, seem to be the ones who have been close to it.
I’ve found the NHS to be borderline useless in dealing with depressive issues. As stated above, there are just too many people for them to deal with. I would suggest a therapist/psychologist that you can see in your own time, rather than take time off work. Yes, you will have to pay for this. If you don't think they are helping, and some genuinely don’t, then find another one. Some of them need therapy themselves.
Keep away from those who aren’t positive and find negativity in everything. They are very tiring in the long run. A mate has been put on hold for the last year due to his phenomenal criticism of everyone else in life – obviously he’s one of nature’s finished works…
- worse than those who go through life being sickeningly cheerful and positive.Keep away from the booze – it really doesn’t help.
Mix in public but try and do it on your terms. Easier said than done.
Get some fresh air – join a walking group and have a chat, but don’t chat about your problems, otherwise, you will soon be Johnny No Mates… talk about the good stuff. I’ve found this useful to me- YMMV. If you don’t have a dog that you can take for a walk, borrow someone else’s.
Maybe controversial – keep away from religion. Too many are only Christian-like between 10 and 12 on Sundays.
Get a hobby
Try and get more sleep – this is really difficult as being stressed about my life and/or depressed makes my mind race, and then I’ve even more difficulty sleeping.
It’s at times like this you need a really good friend, not just a mate. Someone who will keep the issue private- see above, listen and maybe start to ask the right questions and push you (gently at first) for the right answers. These people pop up when you least expect it. One of these in my life is one of the volunteers for the Samaritans. He listens and then asks very different questions…
Some people are incapable of having any empathy for anyone but themselves. I’ve found the people who don’t really assist are the ones who say “we’ll have a chat about that” – then they talk about their favourite topic – themselves, or the classis approach “if you think your problems are bad- let’s spend the next hour listening to mine” and then there’s the ones who say “I’ll tell you what you to do to make yourself feel better”. Then there are the ones who say nothing, and just listen, and don’t judge- then ask. It’s the last ones you need- as above - and oh boy are they rare.
burritoNinja said:
I’ve had the word psychopath thrown at me. Beyond my wife and mother, we don’t tell anybody. I did notice a difference from how some doctors treated me once they seen that diagnosis on my files. It took years to get diagnosed. I was misdiagnosed bipolar, depression and anxiety and borderline. The reason I was misdiagnosed was that I never revealed the whole picture. Once I did that and seen a different shrink, I was then diagnosed and it was only last two years that came about. They had tried all different medications and none of them changed anything about me.
They went through my entire life over and over. It’s easy to look back now and see the symptoms. Like at 7 years old I was setting the forest on fire, tried to set buildings on fire and a wide range of early criminal behaviour. Or the time I wanted to impress a girl on first date so went to steal a Porsche. High level of truancy in school, fights, stealing, lying. The endless relationships destroyed, the path of destruction I left in my 20’s. I’ve been to jail.
I have always felt different, like I don’t belong and that continues to this day. I can’t maintain friendships. I can’t put myself in others shoes. I work in benefits and when people go on about wanting to kill themselves or other issues, I just don’t feel it. I know what people expect reaction wise with some situations and I can play the facial expression but I don’t understand it. I do feel rage very easily. I don’t know how to describe it but it’s like I’m flat on the inside. I’m highly selfish. I can’t follow rules at work and I struggle to keep a job.I have a boredom that eats away at me everyday of the week. I’ve ran myself into debt multiple times.
When I got diagnosed and explored the disorder it all made sense. It’s like the missing parts of the puzzle fell into place. Regular appointments keep me on the right track and I’m a lot more aware now of my actions. I’ve probably rambled to much on this. I know it does not paint a pretty picture but it’s all part of what led to my diagnosis.
If you watch the YouTube experts on this disorder they are always way way off with what they think someone like me is. If people met me they would never know. I dress nice, I have more middle class accent and I’m pleasant to people. So many idiots have written books or made videos claiming their ex is ASPD because they did whatever, in reality their ex was just an awful person. Media portrays us as monsters out to kill. So far from the truth.
Can identify with a fair bit of that. I wasn't too bad until puberty essentially and no major crimes committed, but I've not been exactly the most law-abiding person overall. I think the influence of some figures in lieu of a father figure in my younger days helped me to the extent as acting a prohibitor to the more consequential, overt negative things.They went through my entire life over and over. It’s easy to look back now and see the symptoms. Like at 7 years old I was setting the forest on fire, tried to set buildings on fire and a wide range of early criminal behaviour. Or the time I wanted to impress a girl on first date so went to steal a Porsche. High level of truancy in school, fights, stealing, lying. The endless relationships destroyed, the path of destruction I left in my 20’s. I’ve been to jail.
I have always felt different, like I don’t belong and that continues to this day. I can’t maintain friendships. I can’t put myself in others shoes. I work in benefits and when people go on about wanting to kill themselves or other issues, I just don’t feel it. I know what people expect reaction wise with some situations and I can play the facial expression but I don’t understand it. I do feel rage very easily. I don’t know how to describe it but it’s like I’m flat on the inside. I’m highly selfish. I can’t follow rules at work and I struggle to keep a job.I have a boredom that eats away at me everyday of the week. I’ve ran myself into debt multiple times.
When I got diagnosed and explored the disorder it all made sense. It’s like the missing parts of the puzzle fell into place. Regular appointments keep me on the right track and I’m a lot more aware now of my actions. I’ve probably rambled to much on this. I know it does not paint a pretty picture but it’s all part of what led to my diagnosis.
If you watch the YouTube experts on this disorder they are always way way off with what they think someone like me is. If people met me they would never know. I dress nice, I have more middle class accent and I’m pleasant to people. So many idiots have written books or made videos claiming their ex is ASPD because they did whatever, in reality their ex was just an awful person. Media portrays us as monsters out to kill. So far from the truth.
Edited by burritoNinja on Thursday 12th September 14:42
Know what you mean regarding the boredom - like it's a default state - and not feeling anything or little and knowing the facial expressions to use in response to people. I'm very impulsive and have been in debt several times. I can establish relationships like it's second nature but rarely maintain them. Go through periods of chronic anger, seemingly from nothing. However when I do get angry with a stimulus, it disappears when the stimulus does.
Yep there's a lot of pop psychology nonsense online. Realise we're going O/T here, so I'll offer a quote regarding depression, from the vacuous mouth of pop psychology: "Only good people get depressed."
Which is a statement that manages to be wrong by its second word.
I thought I'd post in here. Firstly, I'll not insult those who are really suffering by some "oh, me too!" nonsense. I realise that if proper, life changing (or god forbid, life-ending) depression was pneumonia, I'm complaining about a sniffle. But I hope you'll allow me to vent/get stuff off my chest because I don't know what to do or say or to whom. This is also a bit of a disjointed stream of consciousness so my apologies.
TL:DR Feels sorry for himself for not being a carefree 23 year old any more
I guess I'm the same as a lot of guys my age (35). Outwardly "sucessful", have a sensible well-paid career, wife, house, all that good stuff. Things have been fairly stressful in the last year, getting married, renovating a new house, starting a new job, ending an old job I wasn't enjoying. My wife suffers from depression and anxiety, but usually has a good handle on it.
Sometimes, more so in the last year or two than very recently I just feel like I don't particularly care about being alive any more. I'm NOT a suicide risk, and have never been, but have had feelings where if I woke up in the morning and happened to be dead I wouldn't mind. Or if I just crash my car into this field... I'd not go through with anything because even on a dark day I'm well aware of the upset it would cause. I think a lot of it comes from feeling trapped, getting used to being a proper grown-up maybe? Classic mid-life crisis I suppose. Still young enough to remember being in my teens/20's clearly and having no responsibilities and missing it. The guitar's still there but didn't become a rock star, don't particularly care for being in sales, but the mortgage needs to be paid, can't really work 16 hours a week in the co-op like I used to. Though I'm actively thinking of retraining to be a further education teacher. Can't afford the pay cut right now but maybe I could in a couple of years so worth looking into it now. On the job front I should say I work for a good company with a good manager, but I doubt many people dream of being a sales engineer.
I've done a few things that I've enjoyed recently. Picked up the guitar and did a gig, went on a lad's holiday, saw a friend for a pint. It's nice getting back to normal life after the house move. I wouldn't say I felt actively stressed at the time, but I've noticed I feel not-stressed more now
My motivation is pretty shot at the moment. Worked from home today but was pretty easily distracted, then felt s
t because I'd not put in the work that I should have.
My wife and I are a bit "opposites attract". She's very grounded and sensible, whereas I'm naturally more of a risk taker, more sociable, like gigs/crowds, etc. Though none of this is her doing. People need to grow up, I'm just rubbish at it.
I don't know the point of this, but I've said it now. Submit.
TL:DR Feels sorry for himself for not being a carefree 23 year old any more
I guess I'm the same as a lot of guys my age (35). Outwardly "sucessful", have a sensible well-paid career, wife, house, all that good stuff. Things have been fairly stressful in the last year, getting married, renovating a new house, starting a new job, ending an old job I wasn't enjoying. My wife suffers from depression and anxiety, but usually has a good handle on it.
Sometimes, more so in the last year or two than very recently I just feel like I don't particularly care about being alive any more. I'm NOT a suicide risk, and have never been, but have had feelings where if I woke up in the morning and happened to be dead I wouldn't mind. Or if I just crash my car into this field... I'd not go through with anything because even on a dark day I'm well aware of the upset it would cause. I think a lot of it comes from feeling trapped, getting used to being a proper grown-up maybe? Classic mid-life crisis I suppose. Still young enough to remember being in my teens/20's clearly and having no responsibilities and missing it. The guitar's still there but didn't become a rock star, don't particularly care for being in sales, but the mortgage needs to be paid, can't really work 16 hours a week in the co-op like I used to. Though I'm actively thinking of retraining to be a further education teacher. Can't afford the pay cut right now but maybe I could in a couple of years so worth looking into it now. On the job front I should say I work for a good company with a good manager, but I doubt many people dream of being a sales engineer.
I've done a few things that I've enjoyed recently. Picked up the guitar and did a gig, went on a lad's holiday, saw a friend for a pint. It's nice getting back to normal life after the house move. I wouldn't say I felt actively stressed at the time, but I've noticed I feel not-stressed more now
My motivation is pretty shot at the moment. Worked from home today but was pretty easily distracted, then felt s
t because I'd not put in the work that I should have. My wife and I are a bit "opposites attract". She's very grounded and sensible, whereas I'm naturally more of a risk taker, more sociable, like gigs/crowds, etc. Though none of this is her doing. People need to grow up, I'm just rubbish at it.
I don't know the point of this, but I've said it now. Submit.
crofty1984 said:
I thought I'd post in here. Firstly, I'll not insult those who are really suffering by some "oh, me too!" nonsense. I realise that if proper, life changing (or god forbid, life-ending) depression was pneumonia, I'm complaining about a sniffle. But I hope you'll allow me to vent/get stuff off my chest because I don't know what to do or say or to whom. This is also a bit of a disjointed stream of consciousness so my apologies.
TL:DR Feels sorry for himself for not being a carefree 23 year old any more
I guess I'm the same as a lot of guys my age (35). Outwardly "sucessful", have a sensible well-paid career, wife, house, all that good stuff. Things have been fairly stressful in the last year, getting married, renovating a new house, starting a new job, ending an old job I wasn't enjoying. My wife suffers from depression and anxiety, but usually has a good handle on it.
Sometimes, more so in the last year or two than very recently I just feel like I don't particularly care about being alive any more. I'm NOT a suicide risk, and have never been, but have had feelings where if I woke up in the morning and happened to be dead I wouldn't mind. Or if I just crash my car into this field... I'd not go through with anything because even on a dark day I'm well aware of the upset it would cause. I think a lot of it comes from feeling trapped, getting used to being a proper grown-up maybe? Classic mid-life crisis I suppose. Still young enough to remember being in my teens/20's clearly and having no responsibilities and missing it. The guitar's still there but didn't become a rock star, don't particularly care for being in sales, but the mortgage needs to be paid, can't really work 16 hours a week in the co-op like I used to. Though I'm actively thinking of retraining to be a further education teacher. Can't afford the pay cut right now but maybe I could in a couple of years so worth looking into it now. On the job front I should say I work for a good company with a good manager, but I doubt many people dream of being a sales engineer.
I've done a few things that I've enjoyed recently. Picked up the guitar and did a gig, went on a lad's holiday, saw a friend for a pint. It's nice getting back to normal life after the house move. I wouldn't say I felt actively stressed at the time, but I've noticed I feel not-stressed more now
My motivation is pretty shot at the moment. Worked from home today but was pretty easily distracted, then felt st because I'd not put in the work that I should have.
My wife and I are a bit "opposites attract". She's very grounded and sensible, whereas I'm naturally more of a risk taker, more sociable, like gigs/crowds, etc. Though none of this is her doing. People need to grow up, I'm just rubbish at it.
I don't know the point of this, but I've said it now. Submit.
How you're feeling now, is pretty much my life. Although I started off with panic attacks at the age of 25, which caused bad anxiety issues. I differ in the sense that I do care about death, I really wouldn't want that, but I have been unhappy, and I mean proper unhappy for about 6 or 7 years now which since turning 40 2 years ago has really spiralled. I have been married 11 years, total of 20 years with my missus and have two kids, and all I want to do at the moment is run away, I want to be on my own.TL:DR Feels sorry for himself for not being a carefree 23 year old any more
I guess I'm the same as a lot of guys my age (35). Outwardly "sucessful", have a sensible well-paid career, wife, house, all that good stuff. Things have been fairly stressful in the last year, getting married, renovating a new house, starting a new job, ending an old job I wasn't enjoying. My wife suffers from depression and anxiety, but usually has a good handle on it.
Sometimes, more so in the last year or two than very recently I just feel like I don't particularly care about being alive any more. I'm NOT a suicide risk, and have never been, but have had feelings where if I woke up in the morning and happened to be dead I wouldn't mind. Or if I just crash my car into this field... I'd not go through with anything because even on a dark day I'm well aware of the upset it would cause. I think a lot of it comes from feeling trapped, getting used to being a proper grown-up maybe? Classic mid-life crisis I suppose. Still young enough to remember being in my teens/20's clearly and having no responsibilities and missing it. The guitar's still there but didn't become a rock star, don't particularly care for being in sales, but the mortgage needs to be paid, can't really work 16 hours a week in the co-op like I used to. Though I'm actively thinking of retraining to be a further education teacher. Can't afford the pay cut right now but maybe I could in a couple of years so worth looking into it now. On the job front I should say I work for a good company with a good manager, but I doubt many people dream of being a sales engineer.
I've done a few things that I've enjoyed recently. Picked up the guitar and did a gig, went on a lad's holiday, saw a friend for a pint. It's nice getting back to normal life after the house move. I wouldn't say I felt actively stressed at the time, but I've noticed I feel not-stressed more now
My motivation is pretty shot at the moment. Worked from home today but was pretty easily distracted, then felt s
t because I'd not put in the work that I should have. My wife and I are a bit "opposites attract". She's very grounded and sensible, whereas I'm naturally more of a risk taker, more sociable, like gigs/crowds, etc. Though none of this is her doing. People need to grow up, I'm just rubbish at it.
I don't know the point of this, but I've said it now. Submit.
I am taking steps to make myself happy as I realise mental health & wellbeing is my number 1 priority and with the "one life" stuff, I don't see the point of waking up everyday feeling miserable and I know if I turn 50 and I still feel like this and haven't changed anything then I will regret it and I will be in a whole lot worse position.
I've had suicidal thoughts over the past 3 weeks, so I have started seeing a counsellor, I don't feel any better for it. I don't think I could take my own life, as I reckon its just a cry for help.
I am really struggling lately. Some days I literally wish I don't wake up. I haven't been on my meds for a while. It's difficult because my girlfriend kind of thinks medication is bad (kind of, it's hard to explain) but I personally don't find there being a problem being on medication for a long period where as she does.
She told me she was proud I came off them. I kind of feel the same vaguely. Still have some ups and downs.
But on the same hand she doesn't seem to understand me when it comes to some of my idiosyncrasies and just letting me do me when it comes to my mental health.
I tried private therapy which she paid for 4 sessions, and didn't really feel it was helping after the end of ti - it just seemed like a lot of money for an hour of someone listening to you. And telling you some things you could research yourself online. I feel the therapist would really need to be a lot more like some of those TV personalities. I guess it says a lot that I haven't gone back and haven't felt like I needed it.
If I wasn't so scared I'd just end it I would , but I am so guess I'm stuck around
She told me she was proud I came off them. I kind of feel the same vaguely. Still have some ups and downs.
But on the same hand she doesn't seem to understand me when it comes to some of my idiosyncrasies and just letting me do me when it comes to my mental health.
I tried private therapy which she paid for 4 sessions, and didn't really feel it was helping after the end of ti - it just seemed like a lot of money for an hour of someone listening to you. And telling you some things you could research yourself online. I feel the therapist would really need to be a lot more like some of those TV personalities. I guess it says a lot that I haven't gone back and haven't felt like I needed it.
If I wasn't so scared I'd just end it I would , but I am so guess I'm stuck around
My wife in on Sertraline. Currently half a tablet (I forget the exact dose but its classed as below a medical amount that will make any difference).
A year or so ago she stopped taking it given the low dosage and within 24h her belly swelled up like she was pregnant. A quick google came back with similar side effects so, after a week or so of walking around with it, went back to taking half a tablet again and within 24h her belly was back to normal.
She would like to stop taking them but given that side effect is a bit stuck really...
A year or so ago she stopped taking it given the low dosage and within 24h her belly swelled up like she was pregnant. A quick google came back with similar side effects so, after a week or so of walking around with it, went back to taking half a tablet again and within 24h her belly was back to normal.
She would like to stop taking them but given that side effect is a bit stuck really...
xjay1337 said:
I am really struggling lately. Some days I literally wish I don't wake up. I haven't been on my meds for a while. It's difficult because my girlfriend kind of thinks medication is bad (kind of, it's hard to explain) but I personally don't find there being a problem being on medication for a long period where as she does.
She told me she was proud I came off them. I kind of feel the same vaguely. Still have some ups and downs.
But on the same hand she doesn't seem to understand me when it comes to some of my idiosyncrasies and just letting me do me when it comes to my mental health.
I tried private therapy which she paid for 4 sessions, and didn't really feel it was helping after the end of ti - it just seemed like a lot of money for an hour of someone listening to you. And telling you some things you could research yourself online. I feel the therapist would really need to be a lot more like some of those TV personalities. I guess it says a lot that I haven't gone back and haven't felt like I needed it.
If I wasn't so scared I'd just end it I would , but I am so guess I'm stuck around
Did you feel you wanted to go?.. As if you think its not quite for you then you wont get anything from it. A bit like hypnotherapy.She told me she was proud I came off them. I kind of feel the same vaguely. Still have some ups and downs.
But on the same hand she doesn't seem to understand me when it comes to some of my idiosyncrasies and just letting me do me when it comes to my mental health.
I tried private therapy which she paid for 4 sessions, and didn't really feel it was helping after the end of ti - it just seemed like a lot of money for an hour of someone listening to you. And telling you some things you could research yourself online. I feel the therapist would really need to be a lot more like some of those TV personalities. I guess it says a lot that I haven't gone back and haven't felt like I needed it.
If I wasn't so scared I'd just end it I would , but I am so guess I'm stuck around
I am on my third session, the first one was the hardest as I had never been before EVER, and my god, he said "so whats brings you here?".. that was it for me, a whole load of emotions poured out and I was done!! haven't been upset like that in front of anyone before.
Then the 2nd session came and thought it was a waste of time, a bit like what you have described.
But today was amazing, yes I did a lot of talking but he made me understand things that I wasn't thinking about, I am painting a pretty picture of where I want to be and he is just knocking me back on line into reality keeping it sensible. Making think of consequences and understanding my thought process. Had a great day today, and cant wait until next week!!!
sparkyb999 said:
Did you feel you wanted to go?.. As if you think its not quite for you then you wont get anything from it. A bit like hypnotherapy.
I am on my third session, the first one was the hardest as I had never been before EVER, and my god, he said "so whats brings you here?".. that was it for me, a whole load of emotions poured out and I was done!! haven't been upset like that in front of anyone before.
Then the 2nd session came and thought it was a waste of time, a bit like what you have described.
But today was amazing, yes I did a lot of talking but he made me understand things that I wasn't thinking about, I am painting a pretty picture of where I want to be and he is just knocking me back on line into reality keeping it sensible. Making think of consequences and understanding my thought process. Had a great day today, and cant wait until next week!!!
I didn't feel like I wanted to go, I only went because the GF nagged me to as it's better than medication according to her. I tried to make the most from it. But I didn't feel it was that good.I am on my third session, the first one was the hardest as I had never been before EVER, and my god, he said "so whats brings you here?".. that was it for me, a whole load of emotions poured out and I was done!! haven't been upset like that in front of anyone before.
Then the 2nd session came and thought it was a waste of time, a bit like what you have described.
But today was amazing, yes I did a lot of talking but he made me understand things that I wasn't thinking about, I am painting a pretty picture of where I want to be and he is just knocking me back on line into reality keeping it sensible. Making think of consequences and understanding my thought process. Had a great day today, and cant wait until next week!!!
The problem is I already know my triggers, my own issues etc. I am just broken in that sense so I can't be fixed. I already have coping mechanisms and understand the CBT stuff which is what most therapists go to. I spent 9 weeks doing CBT face to face therapy with a NHS therapist and despite feeling just as s
t afterwards according to her charts I showed a "significant improvement" , but I told her I don't feel that was the case. Didn't hear anything back.I don't feel that £50 for 45 minutes is good value for my mental health when I can take tablets for £9 every 6 weeks which overall make me feel better than when I'm not on them.
xjay1337 said:
I didn't feel like I wanted to go, I only went because the GF nagged me to as it's better than medication according to her. I tried to make the most from it. But I didn't feel it was that good.
The problem is I already know my triggers, my own issues etc. I am just broken in that sense so I can't be fixed. I already have coping mechanisms and understand the CBT stuff which is what most therapists go to. I spent 9 weeks doing CBT face to face therapy with a NHS therapist and despite feeling just as st afterwards according to her charts I showed a "significant improvement" , but I told her I don't feel that was the case. Didn't hear anything back.
I don't feel that £50 for 45 minutes is good value for my mental health when I can take tablets for £9 every 6 weeks which overall make me feel better than when I'm not on them.
Both of these fixes work for some people and not for others and neither are long term solutions. Long term you need to get a sense of worth, sleep, diet and fitness on point. Have you started working on those?The problem is I already know my triggers, my own issues etc. I am just broken in that sense so I can't be fixed. I already have coping mechanisms and understand the CBT stuff which is what most therapists go to. I spent 9 weeks doing CBT face to face therapy with a NHS therapist and despite feeling just as s
t afterwards according to her charts I showed a "significant improvement" , but I told her I don't feel that was the case. Didn't hear anything back.I don't feel that £50 for 45 minutes is good value for my mental health when I can take tablets for £9 every 6 weeks which overall make me feel better than when I'm not on them.
I went to the gym . On average 5 days a week. Sometimes 6
For 2 hours.
I eat healthy - rice, chicken, cut out fast food completely. Lost like 2 stone in 2 months.
Still felt miserable. So now I just eat ste again.
It was really upsetting really. As everyone seems to bang on that the gym was the best thing ever. Our gym got / is getting renovated so I may go back as I would like to lose weight.
Never, ever been able to sleep well. Even as a child.
At least I have a semi stable routine where I am up at 8.30 for work. I doze off around 1am.
I will probably go back on the tablets. They worked OK for me. I may see if doc can prescribe something also I can take on top for a more fast acting thing for short term things.
A couple years ago I would stay in bed all day with my laptop. At least I go to the study now.
For 2 hours.
I eat healthy - rice, chicken, cut out fast food completely. Lost like 2 stone in 2 months.
Still felt miserable. So now I just eat s
te again.It was really upsetting really. As everyone seems to bang on that the gym was the best thing ever. Our gym got / is getting renovated so I may go back as I would like to lose weight.
Never, ever been able to sleep well. Even as a child.
At least I have a semi stable routine where I am up at 8.30 for work. I doze off around 1am.
I will probably go back on the tablets. They worked OK for me. I may see if doc can prescribe something also I can take on top for a more fast acting thing for short term things.
A couple years ago I would stay in bed all day with my laptop. At least I go to the study now.
Maybe. I could certainly do with going out more , outside of work .
I'm going to try St John wort for a while anyway. Something I've never had. So will try.
Also arguing with the Mrs a lot at the moment. Which is just another thing on top.
Tonight. She made a silly comment when our friends were over, and was completely oblivious to a situation I had at a previous job where I'd be having daily panic attacks. Crying at lunch. Etc. It was a very dark time for me. She knows. She would come and see me. But she had obviously forgotten. She seems unable to understand it for more than a few days at a time.
I snapped a little and called her a fking idiot for her comment. It wasn't as bad as it sounds if you were there. Hard to explain. Anyway to me it wasn't a big deal and several hours had passed.
When our friends left,the first thing she did was pop off how it was horrible thing to say and how rude it was.
I did apologise but also reminded her she was very thoughtless with her words at the time. This prompted her to say about "that I said she is a thoughtless person". As things with her tend to escalate I asked her several times to just stop. She didn't. Then she went upstairs. I've been downstairs for an hour worried to go up incase it turns into another talk / argument.
Now is the time if I drank I'd reach for something dark and brown!
Anyway. Sorry for the off topic. This is not the thread for my home issues.
I'll have the st Johns wort tomorrow so can provide some feedback on that over the next few days/weeks.
I'm going to try St John wort for a while anyway. Something I've never had. So will try.
Also arguing with the Mrs a lot at the moment. Which is just another thing on top.
Tonight. She made a silly comment when our friends were over, and was completely oblivious to a situation I had at a previous job where I'd be having daily panic attacks. Crying at lunch. Etc. It was a very dark time for me. She knows. She would come and see me. But she had obviously forgotten. She seems unable to understand it for more than a few days at a time.
I snapped a little and called her a f
king idiot for her comment. It wasn't as bad as it sounds if you were there. Hard to explain. Anyway to me it wasn't a big deal and several hours had passed.When our friends left,the first thing she did was pop off how it was horrible thing to say and how rude it was.
I did apologise but also reminded her she was very thoughtless with her words at the time. This prompted her to say about "that I said she is a thoughtless person". As things with her tend to escalate I asked her several times to just stop. She didn't. Then she went upstairs. I've been downstairs for an hour worried to go up incase it turns into another talk / argument.
Now is the time if I drank I'd reach for something dark and brown!
Anyway. Sorry for the off topic. This is not the thread for my home issues.
I'll have the st Johns wort tomorrow so can provide some feedback on that over the next few days/weeks.
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