Depression

[Mr Whippy]

The Moose said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

The Moose said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

So why am I crying my eyes out over a fking hen?! She was bottom of the pecking order, vulnerable, maybe that was it, I needed to protect her. I'm going to miss her. Afraid it's consuming me a bit, and I don't know why.

My suspicion is that the feeling of the troubles old Sarah had a few months ago have manifested themselves in the death of this chicken. Possibly because you view the chicken as vulnerable, defenseless etc etc etc and in your mind you’re alikening the two. And let’s be honest, you’re probably not over the other thing.

As in her miscarriage? You may have a point, she sees herself as 'mummy' to Amber - and the rest of the hens. Ambi (her affectionate term) was a bit special mind, being near the bottom of the pecking order. I'm missing her already, she was a lovely bird.

Yes, the miscarriage. I didn’t want to be too obvious. You’re normally pretty open, but that’s rather personal.

I’m not a psychologist, but that’s my guess. What to do about it, I’m afraid I can’t really help you.

What to do about grief?

Express it.

It won’t go away on it’s own.

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

Mr Whippy said:

The Moose said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

The Moose said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

So why am I crying my eyes out over a fking hen?! She was bottom of the pecking order, vulnerable, maybe that was it, I needed to protect her. I'm going to miss her. Afraid it's consuming me a bit, and I don't know why.

My suspicion is that the feeling of the troubles old Sarah had a few months ago have manifested themselves in the death of this chicken. Possibly because you view the chicken as vulnerable, defenseless etc etc etc and in your mind you’re alikening the two. And let’s be honest, you’re probably not over the other thing.

As in her miscarriage? You may have a point, she sees herself as 'mummy' to Amber - and the rest of the hens. Ambi (her affectionate term) was a bit special mind, being near the bottom of the pecking order. I'm missing her already, she was a lovely bird.

Yes, the miscarriage. I didn’t want to be too obvious. You’re normally pretty open, but that’s rather personal.

I’m not a psychologist, but that’s my guess. What to do about it, I’m afraid I can’t really help you.

What to do about grief?

Express it.

It won’t go away on it’s own.

It's a good point well made Mr W. I don't want to make this about me and a bloody hen dying, with the more tragic predicament KTF faces, so I'll simply say to him, do this. Men (and probably the odd woman who hasn't been scared off...) on here are happy to extend an ear. If I can get compassion around crying over the death of a 5 month old hen, then you certainly will receive the same for something far more serious.

On the flipside, some idiots don't make this easy. Earlier, on this thread, I was called an attention we, for being upset at Amber passing. Wow, when this is the rebuff from some it's no wonder that some struggle to speak up (I suspect some sensible mod undertook a clean up since, posts gone.)

KTF, keep talking it out. We may not have magic answers, but you don't need to do this alone.

Edited by Fermit and Sexy Sarah on Sunday 17th November 20:01

[Mr Whippy]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

Mr Whippy said:

The Moose said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

The Moose said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

So why am I crying my eyes out over a fking hen?! She was bottom of the pecking order, vulnerable, maybe that was it, I needed to protect her. I'm going to miss her. Afraid it's consuming me a bit, and I don't know why.

My suspicion is that the feeling of the troubles old Sarah had a few months ago have manifested themselves in the death of this chicken. Possibly because you view the chicken as vulnerable, defenseless etc etc etc and in your mind you’re alikening the two. And let’s be honest, you’re probably not over the other thing.

As in her miscarriage? You may have a point, she sees herself as 'mummy' to Amber - and the rest of the hens. Ambi (her affectionate term) was a bit special mind, being near the bottom of the pecking order. I'm missing her already, she was a lovely bird.

Yes, the miscarriage. I didn’t want to be too obvious. You’re normally pretty open, but that’s rather personal.

I’m not a psychologist, but that’s my guess. What to do about it, I’m afraid I can’t really help you.

What to do about grief?

Express it.

It won’t go away on it’s own.

It's a good point well made Mr W. I don't want to make this about me and a bloody hen dying, with the more tragic predicament KTF faces, so I'll simply say to him, do this. Men (and probably the odd woman who hasn't been scared off...) on here are happy to extend an ear. If I can get compassion around crying over the death of a 5 month old hen, then you certainly will receive the same for something far more serious.

On the flipside, some idiots don't make this easy. Earlier, on this thread, I was called an attention we, for being upset at Amber passing. Wow, when this is the rebuff from some it's no wonder that some struggle to speak up (I suspect some sensible mod undertook a clean up since, posts gone.)

KTF, keep talking it out. We may not have magic answers, but you don't need to do this alone.

Edited by Fermit and Sexy Sarah on Sunday 17th November 20:01

Don’t belittle your issue in the face of other’s issues, otherwise everyone on here risks being counselled by having their issues ‘put into perspective’ by the next saddest story they hear.

[xjay1337]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

It's a good point well made Mr W. I don't want to make this about me and a bloody hen dying, with the more tragic predicament KTF faces, so I'll simply say to him, do this. Men (and probably the odd woman who hasn't been scared off...) on here are happy to extend an ear. If I can get compassion around crying over the death of a 5 month old hen, then you certainly will receive the same for something far more serious.

On the flipside, some idiots don't make this easy. Earlier, on this thread, I was called an attention we, for being upset at Amber passing. Wow, when this is the rebuff from some it's no wonder that some struggle to speak up (I suspect some sensible mod undertook a clean up since, posts gone.)

KTF, keep talking it out. We may not have magic answers, but you don't need to do this alone.

Edited by Fermit and Sexy Sarah on Sunday 17th November 20:01

To be honest as someone who generally keeps their emotions to themselves anyway, I can tell you that most people actually don't want to hear, or they give the same old ste response - Generally most people only are interested in you when you are doing well and unfortunately when you doing well benefits them!

I do find myself often feeling incredibly frustrated that I can't share things with people. I have literally one friend who I can talk openly with, but he and I are very alike we both think exactly the same way so we have a really good understanding. He also suffers from anxiety and what not but he has worked hard to over come the worst of it.

[KTF]

24h+ and it seems not to have registered with my boy which is good.

Everyone else is in a state but it doesn’t seem to have registered with me yet. Maybe it’s due to the stress of the past 6+ months or maybe it will just take time. No one should have to see and do what I had to do on Saturday afternoon so why can’t I cry about it?

I can go back to the house and it’s ‘ok’ but really wish she had chosen somewhere else as at the back of my mind it’s now tainted. Too early to decide what to do but currently staying at my parents. I really don’t know how I would be in the house on my own for an extended period with all the memories around me.

Shame as it’s a nice house as well. Still, it will sell easily enough.

[Mr Whippy]

You can’t cry because you’re in denial.

[mr_spock]

Don't know what to say, I can't imagine what you're going through. Get help if you can, before you hit the part of the grief cycle that will make you not want to. So sorry for your loss.

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

Mr Whippy said:

You can’t cry because you’re in denial.

As someone who struggles to cry that is an interesting post.

[WinstonWolf]

fk, so sorry for your loss KTF. Look after yourself and vent on here if you need to, this is one of the good parts of PH

[thebraketester]

Awful to read that KTF, I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.

[Speed addicted]

KTF said:

24h+ and it seems not to have registered with my boy which is good.

Everyone else is in a state but it doesn’t seem to have registered with me yet. Maybe it’s due to the stress of the past 6+ months or maybe it will just take time. No one should have to see and do what I had to do on Saturday afternoon so why can’t I cry about it?

I can go back to the house and it’s ‘ok’ but really wish she had chosen somewhere else as at the back of my mind it’s now tainted. Too early to decide what to do but currently staying at my parents. I really don’t know how I would be in the house on my own for an extended period with all the memories around me.

Shame as it’s a nice house as well. Still, it will sell easily enough.

I've lost people close to me (mother, brother in law etc), the only advice i can give it to take your time and try to actually deal with what's happened. I thought I was on top of things, went back to work quickly, then months later realised that I really hadn't been ok at all. Try not to make any big decisions unless you have to and have some advice from people that may be less affected.

Cramming down the emotions and pretending I was dealing with it just made them leak out when i wasn't expecting. It was only in hindsight that i understood the level of drunken carnage and other self destructive actions that happened when my guard was down.

[oldbanger]

KTF what awful news. It’s just awful to have to go through this. Look out for yourself

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

Speed addicted said:

I've lost people close to me (mother, brother in law etc), the only advice i can give it to take your time and try to actually deal with what's happened. I thought I was on top of things, went back to work quickly, then months later realised that I really hadn't been ok at all. Try not to make any big decisions unless you have to and have some advice from people that may be less affected.

Cramming down the emotions and pretending I was dealing with it just made them leak out when i wasn't expecting. It was only in hindsight that i understood the level of drunken carnage and other self destructive actions that happened when my guard was down.

And make sure work know the full picture, including anything troubling you. This will affect you greatly, they are obliged to factor in your vulnerability.

[Sebo]

This is utterly sad KTF. No one should have to experience what you have. No words of advice than to keep talking to people and whilst I am sure it doesn't feel like it right now, things will be less st in time

[KTF]

Am still not the gibbering wreck I feel I should be right now (and maybe I never will). I can recite every detail of what happened to anyone who asks just like its a normal conversation with no emotion or anything. That’s crazy, right?

I had 6 months of ridiculous stress that would have made most ‘normal’ people turn into a wreck themselves or simply walk away. I would never have walked away from her, my child or our home and am a very good ‘sponge’ it seems.

On the way over to the house, deep down I knew what was waiting for me when I opened the door and I had preconditioned myself to that. What I had to do after that is something that someone should never have to do. But that wasn’t ‘her’ that I saw, that was just the ‘shell’ for her spirit (am not religious but that’s as close as I can get).

The vast majority of people who knew her are not sleeping or crying or whatever but I am having the best night sleep (subject to the boy waking me up) I have had for a while and that’s fked up.

Sometimes I really do wonder if there is something wrong with me. However I also realise that at some point it is going to register and hit me in the back of the head in a big way.

I also realise that at some point I will need professional help to put this all to bed.

[Stuart70]

Morning KTF

Hope you are holding on mate.
I went through some stuff back end of last year and beginning of this - not describing, as not relevant. I thought I was unaffected and was continuing as normal. Turns out to everyone around me, it was clear I was in difficulty - losing temper, permanently angry, disorganised, chaotic. Yet, weirdly inside my head it felt like all that I was doing was perfectly rational and I was just keeping on...

Not suggesting for a moment that you are in this position, but recognise that just because you are not breaking down in tears does not mean you are not grieving. Keep people around who can help you and keep getting support.

It certainly brought me back from a fairly unpleasant place. Thoughts are with you.

[KTF]

That’s just it. I am not angry, I play with my son, go for coffee with friends, organise stuff relating to her passing, etc.

At the local parkrun there will be a massive testimonial event for her, like at least triple the usual numbers, and I have been adding input to that (it’s my event so the team are dealing with it).

Just all normal day to day stuff continuing on like it never happened. It’s insane (apologies given the thread title) and my parents are like ‘aren’t you taking it well).

I am off work this week and will be signed off for more on Friday and it’s like a holiday! It’s bonkers, I just don’t get it.

The morning after I found her, I went out for a 10 mile run as that’s what I always do on a Sunday morning and it was fine. Most ‘normal’ people wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.

Saturday will be very hard and just thinking about it makes things bubble up so the emotion is there. Maybe I just need to find the best way to let it out...

[KTF]

Do not for 1 second think that I am heartless or didn’t care as I really, really did.

This has to be due to the stress I was under and the ‘release’ I now have.

Like I said, it’s fked up.

[Stuart70]

KTF said:

Do not for 1 second think that I am heartless or didn’t care as I really, really did.

This has to be due to the stress I was under and the ‘release’ I now have.

Like I said, it’s fked up.

I don’t think anyone would think that for a moment. Just take care of you and your boy; everyone grieves and is affected in their own way.
There is no right and wrong to it.

[RTB]

KTF said:

That’s just it. I am not angry, I play with my son, go for coffee with friends, organise stuff relating to her passing, etc.

At the local parkrun there will be a massive testimonial event for her, like at least triple the usual numbers, and I have been adding input to that (it’s my event so the team are dealing with it).

Just all normal day to day stuff continuing on like it never happened. It’s insane (apologies given the thread title) and my parents are like ‘aren’t you taking it well).

I am off work this week and will be signed off for more on Friday and it’s like a holiday! It’s bonkers, I just don’t get it.

The morning after I found her, I went out for a 10 mile run as that’s what I always do on a Sunday morning and it was fine. Most ‘normal’ people wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.

Saturday will be very hard and just thinking about it makes things bubble up so the emotion is there. Maybe I just need to find the best way to let it out...

We're creatures of habit, holding on to normality can be like a life raft in difficult times.

I can't offer any words or advice as I've never experienced anything like as traumatic as that. I guess all you can do it keep on keeping on. I have to admit if a similar thing happened to me I'd probably just plow all my energy into my 2 sons and giving them the very best I could.

Good luck KTF.